As an arrogant American, that is what I feel like we are watching so far. Realistically, I understand it is early and a lot will still happen, but it just doesn't feel like we, as a country, are putting our best foot forward so far.
It all started so well. Sage Kotsenburg won an unexpected gold in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle. Ashley Wagner performed well, Gracie Gold performed very well, Meryl Davis and Charlie White dominated and the rest of the US Figure Skating Team did their part to earn a bronze medal. Jamie Anderson met expectations and won gold in Women's Snowboard Slopestyle.
Then things started to fall off a bit. Bode Miller dominated training in the downhill, then finished a disappointing 8th. He actually blamed the sky. (I understood the explanation, but it sounds funny.) J.R. Celski failed to medal in the Short Track 1500. Both Men's and Women's Curling teams lost their first two matches. We failed to medal in Men's Moguls. (Where have you gone, Johnny Moseley, our nation turns it's lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. Woo woo woo.) That hasn't happened since 1994. Kikkan Randall was one of the favorites in Women's Cross Country Sprint Skiing and she failed to get out of the quarterfinals. Sophie Caldwell had the best finish ever for an American in a Cross Country Skiing event, but still finished outside the medals.
We had a few good results mixed in. Devin Logan surprised with a silver in Skiing Slope Style. Erin Hamlin made history with a bronze in the Women's Luge, becoming the first American to win an individual luge Olympic medal. Kate Hansen finished a solid 10th and wowed the world with her warm-up dance moves.
Then the bottom dropped off. Shaun White, the face of snowboarding, failed to medal. Shani Davis, overwhelming favorite to win the 1000 in Long Track Speed Skating, failed to medal. The Women's Hockey Team lost to Canada. Julia Mancuso failed to medal in the Women's Downhill. Sadly, none of that compares to what happened in Women's Curling.
I was home sick yesterday, with a sick child. I watched a lot of Olympic coverage, as well as several episodes of Phinneas and Ferb. Rebecca Lowe was the studio host during the early afternoon. Al Michaels took over for her in the late afternoon. Rebecca is from England and told Al she was going to the US-GB Curling match, instead of the pairs figure skating short programs. She gave a brief analysis of curling (experienced US Skip v. young, hotshot GB skip) before the two made a bet on the match. I can't wait to see what she says to him today. She has every right to shove her butt in his face and tell him to kiss her ass.
I believe it is necessary to give a quick rundown of curling. The game has ten rounds, called ends. In each end, each team throws (meaning slides across the ice) eight stones, alternating with each other. The idea is to get the stones closer to the middle of a target (called the house) than your opponents. For every stone in the house that is closer to the middle than your opponents closest stone, you get a point. Only one team can score in each end and sometimes neither team scores. There is a strategic reason for that which I won't bore you with now. Scoring two points in an end is a big deal. Anything more than two in an end is incredible.
Here are the complete scores for Olympic curling up to the USA GBR - Women's match:
Men:
Ger 8 - 11 Can
Den 4 - 7 Chn
Sui 5 - 7 Swe
Rus 4 - 7 GBR (9)
Swe 8 - 4 GBR (9)
Can 4 - 5 Sui
Den 11 - 10 Rus (11)
USA 4 - 7 Nor (9)
Can 6 - 7 Swe
Nor 9 - 8 Rus
GBR 7 - 6 Ger
USA 4 - 9 Chn (8)
Women:
Swe 6 - 4 Gbr (9)
Sui 7 - 4 US (9)
Chn 2 - 9 Can (7)
Rus 7- 4 Den
Kor 12 - 7 Jpn
Rus 9 - 7 US
Swe 3 - 9 Can (8)
Sui 7 - 6 Den
Chn 7 - 5 Rus
Den 3 - 8 Jpn (8)
Kor 6 - 8 Sui
If the match is just over, you can concede. If it is tied after 10 ends, you keep going until someone wins. The numbers in parentheses above tell you the number of ends played in that match. If there are no parentheses, it was a typical 10 end match. The NBC Olympics website is annoying, so I did not carefully analyze each match, but I glanced, and the most number of points I saw in any end was 3, which I saw 3 or so times in 23 matches, consisting of 226 ends.
The British "Skip", meaning team leader and 4th thrower, is a 23 year old, fairly attractive superstar named Eve Muirhead. I am intrigued by Eve and shall hereafter call her The Heartbreaker. I call her The Heartbreaker, because she has the looks to break some hearts, and what she did yesterday broke many a US curling fan's heart. (FYI - she definitely looks better when playing, I was unable to find many good pictures of her. Watch a match if you are interested.)
Curling is a sport of general curiosity in the US. The comparisons to shuffleboard are not too far fetched (although I am sure a true curling enthusiast would be offended by that comment) and it is somewhat (or perhaps more than somewhat) mocked as an Olympic Sport. Most Americans don't understand it and don't care. That's fine. I enjoy it for the strategy and the yelling. Often when a player throws their rock they start yelling. The Heartbreaker is a big yeller. I don't understand what they are yelling, in English or other languages. I enjoy curling, but apparently I don't speak it.
Eldest had a school assignment to learn about a Winter Olympic Sport and give a presentation to his class. This was all accomplished in school (no homework) so I didn't help him with the assignment. Upon seeing the match yesterday, he was interested both because it was curling, and because he knew who the US "skip" is from his research. Luckily, he wanted to play on the computer rather than watch the match. Eldest does not handle losing in any form well. If Eldest had watched yesterday's match, he definitely would have yelled mean things at The Heartbreaker, and probably would have cried. The Heartbreaker would have earned her nickname in my house.
As you can see from the scores above, the typical winning score for a 10 end match in the Olympics is 8-9 points. In 12 of the 23 scores above, the winning team failed to score more than 7 points. As you know from my general description, scoring 2 points in one end is very good, 3 is very rare and more than 3 is unheard of. However, in theory, the maximum points that can be scored in one end is 8. This means you have put all 8 of your stones in the house claoser than any of your opponents stones. Keep in mind, you are allowed to blast your opponents stone off the house. Yesterday, in the 4th end, The Heartbreaker and her British teammates put up 7 points. Seven. Points. In one end. Enough to tie or win half the matches up to that point. In one end. I didn't even think that was possible. Embarrasing doesn't even begin to describe an end where the other team wins 7 points. That is way more than a bobble in US skip, Erika Brown's twizzle. That's a downright avalanche. And, yes, 7 points in one end is an Olympic record.
Well, I got that off my chest. Thanks. I should have talked about the weather or how great it is just to be an Olympian. I should have done my greatly anticipated, You Are Beautiful, post, and WOW do the Winter Olympics give us some high quality material for that post. I didn't. I had to complain. Maybe my Anti-Diving Insider is rubbing off on me. Hopefully our Olympians are having fun and will take some inspiration fron Devin Logan and Erin Hamlin. If not, I will continue to bitch about our failures, but I am not alone. The Austrians and Russians complained endlessly four years ago.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. Not a lot of medals to talk about. I've already covered our failures and successes. We need to consider changing the title of this section.
2. Biathlon remains the best spectator sport of Sochi 2014. Putting it at night under the lights was brilliant. Ha-ha. That's almost clever.
3. Time change is brutal. I found out the result of everything I was going to predict for today except Nordic Combined, which I have already predicted. I was wrong on everything, so that is a good thing.
4. The problems during cross country skiing yesterday were apparently the result of high temperatures and melting snow. Hmmm...perhaps holding the Winter Olympics in a summer resort city was a bit misguided. Or, people were hoping to turn cross country skiing into demolition derby. It was exciting to watch.
5. Martin Fourcade won the Men's 12.5 K Biathlon Pursuit. I generally don't root for French people, but this dude is good and was fun to watch. Biathlon Pursuit is a competition where you start in the order of your finish in the Sprint competition. So if you win the Sprint, you start first in the Pursuit. This was made up by someone trying to win more medals.
6. How do you tie in a competition when you are moving 80 mph?
7. Bob Costas is being possessed by a demon. I don't care what they are saying about an "infection", he is becoming evil. Lauer did well sitting in for Costas, except for the silly Willis Reed reference.
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - WRONG!!!
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggests this may turn out incorrect. Not to mention Kate Hansen.
5. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but improved yesterday, despite my whining.
6. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.
7. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending, and giddy because it starts today.
8. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
9. US Women shock Russia in curling. WRONG!!!
10. US Men's curling defeats China. WRONG!!!
11. Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis. Pending
12. Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program. Pending
13. Erin Hamlin will win the first ever medal for the US in luge. Correct
14. See Shaun White prediction above. See WRONG!!! above, as well.
16. Washington DC comes to a grinding halt on Thursday from snow. Pending, but so far, so good. Schools closed activities for tonight, and not a flake has fallen.
Predictions
1. Middle does not become the 5th of 5 family members to get sick this week. (Yes, that is a hope more than a prediction, but positive energy into the universe.)
2. Russians win Pairs Figure Skating. Germans get Silver. US finishes 6th.
3. Two medals for US in Women's Snowboard Halfpipe.
4. 3-1 win over Slovakia in Men's Hockey.
5. Bjoerndalen fails to get his 12th medal in 20K Biathlon.
6. Women come through in curling v. Japan.
What to Watch For
1. Does Bob Costas return from his studio hiatus caused by an infection growing across his face?
2. Two words...Nordic. Combined.
3. Men's hockey begins.
4. Potentially historic snowstorm in southeast US. We have more winter weather than the winter Olympics.
5. More Short Track and more Cross Country. See if you can tell the difference, other than the mushroom helmets.
Random Fact of the Day
The distance from Sochi to Moscow is approximately 1007 miles. The distance from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City is approximately 688 miles.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Down Goes Frazier
The audio of this iconic boxing call should be on ready alert for the Winter Olympics. People are falling everywhere.
Over the last 24 hours I have seen cross country skiing, moguls, luge, curling, alpine skiing, ski jumping and speed skating, both short track and long track. The only two events I didn't see someone fall were luge (hard to fall when you are already lying down) and curling. I would love to see someone fall in curling. I am always amazed that the sweepers avoid kicking or tripping over the rocks that are already in play. And I have often wondered what would happen if someone did. There is no way it has never happened, but I have never seen it. This I want to see at some point. I am a bit of a sadist.
In long track speed skating, people were falling for no apparent reason. In 1988 when Dan Jansen fell in the 500, he was flying around a curve. Today I saw several people fall while skating straight ahead. Daniel Greig of Australia fell about 10 feet off the start. Amazingly he almost fell, then caught himself, then fell. I have seen drunk people with better body control than these Olympic athletes. To make it worse, Greig is the only speed skater in Sochi competing for Australia. He was there to compete in an event that takes about 34 seconds, and less than 3 seconds into it, he was out. I don't know if that is sad or funny. OK, it's funny, but also a little sad.
In cross country skiing, I watched the sprint competitions. The sprint lasts about 3 minutes. They run heats to narrow the field to a final of six competitors. In the men's final, Emil Joensson of Sweden was so tired he wasn't even trying. Then, 3 guys fell going down a curvy hill. It was a regular NASCAR wreck. One guy fell, another fell trying to avoid the first guy. Then a giant Russian ran over the second guy, falling and breaking a pole in the process. Joenssen, who was about 30 seconds behind at the time, passed all three and "won" a bronze medal.
In the Men's 1500 Short Track Speed Skating, two South Koreans who were in position to advance to the finals took each other out. In the downhill portion of the Women's Super Combined, competitors who fell slid about a half mile. In the Women's Cross Country Skiing Sprint, American Sophie Caldwell took a spill while in decent position to win the first US medal in cross country skiing ever.
The Winter Olympics are the Olympics of falling. And speed. I guess the two go together. I was watching the speed skating as they showed that the competitors were skating at over 30 mph. I was amazed at the speed. Downhill skiers go 60-80 mph. Luge competitors approach 90. The summer doesn't have this kind of speed. Or the falling. The Wife told me one of her friends enjoys the Winter Olympics more than the Summer. I can see that, if you enjoy the speed. Or the falling.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. Julia Mancuso is the most decorated female US Alpine Skier in Olympic history. With one more medal, she will tie Bode Miller for the most Olympic Medals by a US Alpine Skier. When she finished the slalom portion of the Super Combined, she celebrated as if she had won gold. She's a little kooky, and I could do without the tiara, but she steps up her game under the brightest lights and seems to enjoy every moment.
2. Could the Dutch please let someone else win a medal in Men's Speed Skating.
3. I love the random and non-stop screaming during curling matches. I don't understand it, but it nevers ceases to make me smile. I saw some of the Great Britain v. Sweden match. I can't even understand the British players and I assume they are speaking English. Is there a secret curling language?
4. Tough go for J.R. Celski in 1500 Short Track. That really can be a random sport.
5. Canada's Alex Bilodeau defended his gold medal in Men's Moguls. In 2010, he bacame the first Canadian to win an Olympic Gold Medal on Canadian soil. I saw a very nice personal interest story about him and his brother who has cerebral palsy. It almost made me feel bad about rooting so hard against him in 2010. Almost.
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggest this may turn out incorrect.
5. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but not looking good after yesterday. Although Russia getting credit for Victor Han's medal in Men's Short Track 1500 shouldn't count. That guy is Korean.
6. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.
7. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
8. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
9. US Women lose to the Swiss in curling. Correct.
10. US medals in men's 1500 short track. WRONG!!!
11. No medal for US in men's 500 speedskating. Correct
12. US Women shock Russia in curling. Pending
13. US Men's curling defeats China. Pending
14. Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis. Pending
15. Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program. Pending
Predictions
1. Erin Hamlin will win the first ever medal for the US in luge.
2. I was going to predict a British win in curling over US women, but just saw a headline that Britian broke some record in that match. Doesn't sound good.
3. See Shaun White prediction above.
4. Washington DC comes to a grinding halt on Thursday from snow.
What to Watch For
1. Does Bob Costas return from his studio hiatus caused by an infection growing across his face?
2. Can Russia return to glory in Pairs Figure Skating? Will Vladimir Putin have Johnny Weir secretly taken out?
3. More curling, and will I ever figure out what they are yelling?
4. How many times will Youngest throw up in a 24 hour period? Will Middle get the bug that has now hit 4 of 5 family members?
5. Nordic Combined starts tomorrow!!!
6. The Flying Tomato, or as he is now known, Shermanator 2.
Random Fact of the Day
Vladimir Putin has almost as many shirtless photos on the internet as Matthew McConaughey.
Over the last 24 hours I have seen cross country skiing, moguls, luge, curling, alpine skiing, ski jumping and speed skating, both short track and long track. The only two events I didn't see someone fall were luge (hard to fall when you are already lying down) and curling. I would love to see someone fall in curling. I am always amazed that the sweepers avoid kicking or tripping over the rocks that are already in play. And I have often wondered what would happen if someone did. There is no way it has never happened, but I have never seen it. This I want to see at some point. I am a bit of a sadist.
In long track speed skating, people were falling for no apparent reason. In 1988 when Dan Jansen fell in the 500, he was flying around a curve. Today I saw several people fall while skating straight ahead. Daniel Greig of Australia fell about 10 feet off the start. Amazingly he almost fell, then caught himself, then fell. I have seen drunk people with better body control than these Olympic athletes. To make it worse, Greig is the only speed skater in Sochi competing for Australia. He was there to compete in an event that takes about 34 seconds, and less than 3 seconds into it, he was out. I don't know if that is sad or funny. OK, it's funny, but also a little sad.
In cross country skiing, I watched the sprint competitions. The sprint lasts about 3 minutes. They run heats to narrow the field to a final of six competitors. In the men's final, Emil Joensson of Sweden was so tired he wasn't even trying. Then, 3 guys fell going down a curvy hill. It was a regular NASCAR wreck. One guy fell, another fell trying to avoid the first guy. Then a giant Russian ran over the second guy, falling and breaking a pole in the process. Joenssen, who was about 30 seconds behind at the time, passed all three and "won" a bronze medal.
In the Men's 1500 Short Track Speed Skating, two South Koreans who were in position to advance to the finals took each other out. In the downhill portion of the Women's Super Combined, competitors who fell slid about a half mile. In the Women's Cross Country Skiing Sprint, American Sophie Caldwell took a spill while in decent position to win the first US medal in cross country skiing ever.
The Winter Olympics are the Olympics of falling. And speed. I guess the two go together. I was watching the speed skating as they showed that the competitors were skating at over 30 mph. I was amazed at the speed. Downhill skiers go 60-80 mph. Luge competitors approach 90. The summer doesn't have this kind of speed. Or the falling. The Wife told me one of her friends enjoys the Winter Olympics more than the Summer. I can see that, if you enjoy the speed. Or the falling.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. Julia Mancuso is the most decorated female US Alpine Skier in Olympic history. With one more medal, she will tie Bode Miller for the most Olympic Medals by a US Alpine Skier. When she finished the slalom portion of the Super Combined, she celebrated as if she had won gold. She's a little kooky, and I could do without the tiara, but she steps up her game under the brightest lights and seems to enjoy every moment.
2. Could the Dutch please let someone else win a medal in Men's Speed Skating.
3. I love the random and non-stop screaming during curling matches. I don't understand it, but it nevers ceases to make me smile. I saw some of the Great Britain v. Sweden match. I can't even understand the British players and I assume they are speaking English. Is there a secret curling language?
4. Tough go for J.R. Celski in 1500 Short Track. That really can be a random sport.
5. Canada's Alex Bilodeau defended his gold medal in Men's Moguls. In 2010, he bacame the first Canadian to win an Olympic Gold Medal on Canadian soil. I saw a very nice personal interest story about him and his brother who has cerebral palsy. It almost made me feel bad about rooting so hard against him in 2010. Almost.
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggest this may turn out incorrect.
5. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but not looking good after yesterday. Although Russia getting credit for Victor Han's medal in Men's Short Track 1500 shouldn't count. That guy is Korean.
6. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.
7. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
8. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
9. US Women lose to the Swiss in curling. Correct.
10. US medals in men's 1500 short track. WRONG!!!
11. No medal for US in men's 500 speedskating. Correct
12. US Women shock Russia in curling. Pending
13. US Men's curling defeats China. Pending
14. Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis. Pending
15. Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program. Pending
Predictions
1. Erin Hamlin will win the first ever medal for the US in luge.
2. I was going to predict a British win in curling over US women, but just saw a headline that Britian broke some record in that match. Doesn't sound good.
3. See Shaun White prediction above.
4. Washington DC comes to a grinding halt on Thursday from snow.
What to Watch For
1. Does Bob Costas return from his studio hiatus caused by an infection growing across his face?
2. Can Russia return to glory in Pairs Figure Skating? Will Vladimir Putin have Johnny Weir secretly taken out?
3. More curling, and will I ever figure out what they are yelling?
4. How many times will Youngest throw up in a 24 hour period? Will Middle get the bug that has now hit 4 of 5 family members?
5. Nordic Combined starts tomorrow!!!
6. The Flying Tomato, or as he is now known, Shermanator 2.
Random Fact of the Day
Vladimir Putin has almost as many shirtless photos on the internet as Matthew McConaughey.
Monday, February 10, 2014
I had a Bobble in my Twizzle
Who knew Ice Dancing was so dirty?
The title of this post is a direct quote from Canadian Ice Dancer, Tessa Virtue, after the short program during the Team Ice Skating Competition. During the long program, NBC analyst Tara Lipinski remarked that when you have a bobble in your twizzle, the only thing you can do is "drive it home!" Who knew Tara Lipinski was so dirty?
Let's set Tara aside for now. She has grown into a more attractive young woman than I would have guessed, but this isn't about her. Well, it shouldn't be, but we'll get back to that later.
The potential euphemism use of the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle...which you need to drive home" is a little too easy. When you add in the fact that Tessa Virtue's eyes virtually order you to hinder her last name, well...what? That last sentence was a little unclear. Oh, well, I try to keep this family friendly, but when it comes to Tessa's eyes, twizzle and virtue, I just can't. The girl has F Me eyes! Big, pretty eyes commanding you to have all sorts of fun with her that does not involve ice or an ice dancer's outfit, but does involve her twizzle. Ashley Wagner has similar eyes, and a look to go with them, but she doesn't talk about her twizzle. And Tara isn't telling you to drive it home with Ashley.
Despite the enjoyment people could have with F Me eyes, twizzles, and driving it home, I propose we do not let this decline to the most common denominator. Tessa Virtue has given us a wonderful phrase. We shouldn't let it fall neatly into the vast array of phrases and euphemisms for sex. We should aspire for more. We should challenge ourselves. So, as much as I would like to look at Tessa's eyes and imagine Tara driving that bobble home in her twizzle, I will bring this out of the gutter. Henceforth, the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle" should be used for an athlete who messed up a fairly simple act.
I give you, the bobbles in the twizzles:
1. A wide receiver drops a perfectly thrown pass right in his hands: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
2. A basketball player bounces an uncontested, fast break dunk off the back of the backboard: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
3. A soccer player gets faked out so bad, he falls on the ground: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
4. (This one is for my Anti-Diving Insider) A soccer player falls to the ground, untouched and rolls around writhing in pain, looking for a foul: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle. Perhaps we should drive it home.
5. A swimmer badly misses a flip turn: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
6. A biathlete misses more than one target during a 5 shot shooting round: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
7. A baseball player falls down, untouched trying to go from 1st to 3rd on a single: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
The possibilities are endless. Feel free to try it out. If you get a funny look, just look the person dead in the eyes and say, "He had a bobble in his twizzle. Only thing you can do now is drive it home." Then walk away.
I had a bobble in my twizzle last week. One of my first Sochi 2014 posts criticized the addition of Team Figure Skating and Snowboard Slopestyle to the 2014 Olympics. I was mistaken, and now I am forced to drive it home.
Obviously, my biggest mistake was criticizing the event that gave me my newest favorite phrase. Honestly, I can't wait for ME2K14 so I can use it on the golf course. Again, possibilities are endless. This phrase replaces my most recent newest favorite phrase, which was "Alright, alright, alright, alright" said with Matthew McConaughy's inflection and subtle southern accent, a la his acceptance speech at the Golden Globe Awards. This had been my newest favorite phrase for about 2 days. Tessa quickly replaced Matthew.
I also enjoyed the Team Figure Skating competition. As stated last week, I do enjoy figure skating, but I thought this particular format was great. I liked adding the pressure of competing with/for a team. I liked taking some of the diva element out of the competition. The diva element is when a skater finishes, gets flowers thrown at her, goes to the "kiss and cry" are and sits there with a giant stuffed animal, her coach and her trainer and waits for her scores. In the team competition, she sat with her team. They celebrated together. They commiserated with each other. They looked disappointed at the scores together. I found this to be an excellent addition to the Olympics. Perhaps we should just cut the individual competition now.
As for Slopestyle, well, how can we complain about an event that gave the US two gold medals. Go Seth and Jamie.
I also had a bobble in my twizzle about this blog as a whole. Keeping myself somewhat blacked out from the day's events while I waxed poetic about the competition and made bold and often correct predictions was not that difficult during the London Games in 2012. Doing the same for Sochi is not easy. In addition, the Summer Olympics occur during August, the dog days of baseball, when very little else is going on. Ignoring my job, family and household obligations was the only real "sacrifice". For the Winter Games, we have multiple children's sports, school, volunteer activities, etc. that, to a certain extent, must be addressed. Dropping all of that for this blog is a bit above my pay scale. I should try to do something about that.
So, my predictions may be a few days out. They also probably won't be as good. There are many reasons for that, but we'll get into that later, as well.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. Slopestyle Snowboard - Two golds, 'nuff said.
2. Ole Einar Bjoerndalen wins gold in Men's 10K sprint Biathlon. Bjoerndalen is a legend in this sport and tied the record for most career medals in the Winter Olympics. He has several chances to break the record. The biathlon was great theater. Both Men's and Women's (7.5K) sprint races were competed at night under the lights. There is athletic achievement and skill on display. And the US commentator is perpetually on the brink of a heart attack, his excitement level is so high. I don't think he would even notice if Tessa Virtue sat right beside him and started to drive home the bobble in her twizzle. (Sorry, one last time. Now it's retired to the sports use outlined above.)
3. Luge and ski jumping are really cool in theory, and enjoyable to watch for about 4 minutes. Then it is time to move on.
4. Bode Miller's 8th place finish in the downhill shows how random that event can be. 2 miles in 2 minutes down an ic covered slope that the competitiors are fighting more than skiing. It is exciting to watch, but there is no way to predict what will happen. And can we stop talking 'bout practice? Not the game, not the game, but practice.
5. Why are the Dutch so good at speedskating?
6. Why did they change the name of the Cross Country Skiing Pursuit to Skiathlon? That's just dumb.
7. One leg kick was the difference between gold and bronze for Hannah Kearney. Olympic glory is a cruel mistress, indeed. Kearney had the misfortune of being a heavy favorite coming in, not performing her best and still having to show graciousness in defeat, while obviously devastated. That is a fine line to walk. I thought she did it admirably.
8. Opening Ceremonies - Not done watching, will report later. I did enjoy my Volleball Insider relaying to me someone's suggestion that Shaun White's haircut makes him look like the Shermanator. A suggestion that greatly dismayed The Wife.
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium. - WRONG!! The Latvians were not cut off this year. Scandal!
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggest this may turn out incorrect.
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but looking good so far. Russia has finished 4th in 2 biathlon events.
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher. - WRONG!! But Sarka Pancochova should have been. If you break your helmet by crashing to the ground from a 30 foot fall, you need to be on a stretcher, not sliding your way to the finish. What would Roger Goodell think?
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
11. One medal for US in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle, let's say bronze. Correct and Wrong. One medal, but GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDD!!!! (I tried to do that in gold color, but it didn't come up well.)
12. Hannah Kearney gets gold in Women's Moguls. WRONG!! Bronze for the defending gold medal winner.
13. No other medals for US on Saturday. Correct. Hannah and Seth were it for Saturday.
14. Ashley Wagner and Meryl Davis/Charlie White get US into top 5 for Team Figure Skating. Correct. And Gracie Gold, along with Meryl and Charlie got the US a bronze.
15. Bob Costas threatens to blow up the world unless he is given "One Mill-i-on Dollars." WRONG!! He's going with the Clark Kent/Superman thing, rather than the Dr. Evil thing. A poor choice in my opinion.
16. US Women beat Finland in hockey, 4-1. WRONG!! 3-1 win.
Predictions
1. US Women lose to the Swiss in curling.
2. US medals in men's 1500 short track.
3. No medal for US in men's 500 speedskating.
4. US Women shock Russia in curling.
5. US Men's curling defeats China.
6. Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis.
7. Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program.
What to Watch For
1. Curling!!!! If you are into that sort of thing, which I am.
2. Short Track Speedskating begins. Let the mushroom helmets emerge.
3. Women's Super Combined - already happened, and I know the results (hence, no prediction), but it will be on tonight. And skiing is always good TV.
4. More skiing practice, if you are into that sort of thing. AI and I are not.
Random Fact of the Day
Julia Macuso has 4 Olympic medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold. Lindsay Vonn has 2 Olympic Medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold.
The title of this post is a direct quote from Canadian Ice Dancer, Tessa Virtue, after the short program during the Team Ice Skating Competition. During the long program, NBC analyst Tara Lipinski remarked that when you have a bobble in your twizzle, the only thing you can do is "drive it home!" Who knew Tara Lipinski was so dirty?
Let's set Tara aside for now. She has grown into a more attractive young woman than I would have guessed, but this isn't about her. Well, it shouldn't be, but we'll get back to that later.
The potential euphemism use of the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle...which you need to drive home" is a little too easy. When you add in the fact that Tessa Virtue's eyes virtually order you to hinder her last name, well...what? That last sentence was a little unclear. Oh, well, I try to keep this family friendly, but when it comes to Tessa's eyes, twizzle and virtue, I just can't. The girl has F Me eyes! Big, pretty eyes commanding you to have all sorts of fun with her that does not involve ice or an ice dancer's outfit, but does involve her twizzle. Ashley Wagner has similar eyes, and a look to go with them, but she doesn't talk about her twizzle. And Tara isn't telling you to drive it home with Ashley.
Despite the enjoyment people could have with F Me eyes, twizzles, and driving it home, I propose we do not let this decline to the most common denominator. Tessa Virtue has given us a wonderful phrase. We shouldn't let it fall neatly into the vast array of phrases and euphemisms for sex. We should aspire for more. We should challenge ourselves. So, as much as I would like to look at Tessa's eyes and imagine Tara driving that bobble home in her twizzle, I will bring this out of the gutter. Henceforth, the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle" should be used for an athlete who messed up a fairly simple act.
I give you, the bobbles in the twizzles:
1. A wide receiver drops a perfectly thrown pass right in his hands: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
2. A basketball player bounces an uncontested, fast break dunk off the back of the backboard: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
3. A soccer player gets faked out so bad, he falls on the ground: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
4. (This one is for my Anti-Diving Insider) A soccer player falls to the ground, untouched and rolls around writhing in pain, looking for a foul: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle. Perhaps we should drive it home.
5. A swimmer badly misses a flip turn: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
6. A biathlete misses more than one target during a 5 shot shooting round: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
7. A baseball player falls down, untouched trying to go from 1st to 3rd on a single: What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.
The possibilities are endless. Feel free to try it out. If you get a funny look, just look the person dead in the eyes and say, "He had a bobble in his twizzle. Only thing you can do now is drive it home." Then walk away.
I had a bobble in my twizzle last week. One of my first Sochi 2014 posts criticized the addition of Team Figure Skating and Snowboard Slopestyle to the 2014 Olympics. I was mistaken, and now I am forced to drive it home.
Obviously, my biggest mistake was criticizing the event that gave me my newest favorite phrase. Honestly, I can't wait for ME2K14 so I can use it on the golf course. Again, possibilities are endless. This phrase replaces my most recent newest favorite phrase, which was "Alright, alright, alright, alright" said with Matthew McConaughy's inflection and subtle southern accent, a la his acceptance speech at the Golden Globe Awards. This had been my newest favorite phrase for about 2 days. Tessa quickly replaced Matthew.
I also enjoyed the Team Figure Skating competition. As stated last week, I do enjoy figure skating, but I thought this particular format was great. I liked adding the pressure of competing with/for a team. I liked taking some of the diva element out of the competition. The diva element is when a skater finishes, gets flowers thrown at her, goes to the "kiss and cry" are and sits there with a giant stuffed animal, her coach and her trainer and waits for her scores. In the team competition, she sat with her team. They celebrated together. They commiserated with each other. They looked disappointed at the scores together. I found this to be an excellent addition to the Olympics. Perhaps we should just cut the individual competition now.
As for Slopestyle, well, how can we complain about an event that gave the US two gold medals. Go Seth and Jamie.
I also had a bobble in my twizzle about this blog as a whole. Keeping myself somewhat blacked out from the day's events while I waxed poetic about the competition and made bold and often correct predictions was not that difficult during the London Games in 2012. Doing the same for Sochi is not easy. In addition, the Summer Olympics occur during August, the dog days of baseball, when very little else is going on. Ignoring my job, family and household obligations was the only real "sacrifice". For the Winter Games, we have multiple children's sports, school, volunteer activities, etc. that, to a certain extent, must be addressed. Dropping all of that for this blog is a bit above my pay scale. I should try to do something about that.
So, my predictions may be a few days out. They also probably won't be as good. There are many reasons for that, but we'll get into that later, as well.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. Slopestyle Snowboard - Two golds, 'nuff said.
2. Ole Einar Bjoerndalen wins gold in Men's 10K sprint Biathlon. Bjoerndalen is a legend in this sport and tied the record for most career medals in the Winter Olympics. He has several chances to break the record. The biathlon was great theater. Both Men's and Women's (7.5K) sprint races were competed at night under the lights. There is athletic achievement and skill on display. And the US commentator is perpetually on the brink of a heart attack, his excitement level is so high. I don't think he would even notice if Tessa Virtue sat right beside him and started to drive home the bobble in her twizzle. (Sorry, one last time. Now it's retired to the sports use outlined above.)
3. Luge and ski jumping are really cool in theory, and enjoyable to watch for about 4 minutes. Then it is time to move on.
4. Bode Miller's 8th place finish in the downhill shows how random that event can be. 2 miles in 2 minutes down an ic covered slope that the competitiors are fighting more than skiing. It is exciting to watch, but there is no way to predict what will happen. And can we stop talking 'bout practice? Not the game, not the game, but practice.
5. Why are the Dutch so good at speedskating?
6. Why did they change the name of the Cross Country Skiing Pursuit to Skiathlon? That's just dumb.
7. One leg kick was the difference between gold and bronze for Hannah Kearney. Olympic glory is a cruel mistress, indeed. Kearney had the misfortune of being a heavy favorite coming in, not performing her best and still having to show graciousness in defeat, while obviously devastated. That is a fine line to walk. I thought she did it admirably.
8. Opening Ceremonies - Not done watching, will report later. I did enjoy my Volleball Insider relaying to me someone's suggestion that Shaun White's haircut makes him look like the Shermanator. A suggestion that greatly dismayed The Wife.
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium. - WRONG!! The Latvians were not cut off this year. Scandal!
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggest this may turn out incorrect.
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but looking good so far. Russia has finished 4th in 2 biathlon events.
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher. - WRONG!! But Sarka Pancochova should have been. If you break your helmet by crashing to the ground from a 30 foot fall, you need to be on a stretcher, not sliding your way to the finish. What would Roger Goodell think?
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
11. One medal for US in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle, let's say bronze. Correct and Wrong. One medal, but GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDD!!!! (I tried to do that in gold color, but it didn't come up well.)
12. Hannah Kearney gets gold in Women's Moguls. WRONG!! Bronze for the defending gold medal winner.
13. No other medals for US on Saturday. Correct. Hannah and Seth were it for Saturday.
14. Ashley Wagner and Meryl Davis/Charlie White get US into top 5 for Team Figure Skating. Correct. And Gracie Gold, along with Meryl and Charlie got the US a bronze.
15. Bob Costas threatens to blow up the world unless he is given "One Mill-i-on Dollars." WRONG!! He's going with the Clark Kent/Superman thing, rather than the Dr. Evil thing. A poor choice in my opinion.
16. US Women beat Finland in hockey, 4-1. WRONG!! 3-1 win.
Predictions
1. US Women lose to the Swiss in curling.
2. US medals in men's 1500 short track.
3. No medal for US in men's 500 speedskating.
4. US Women shock Russia in curling.
5. US Men's curling defeats China.
6. Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis.
7. Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program.
What to Watch For
1. Curling!!!! If you are into that sort of thing, which I am.
2. Short Track Speedskating begins. Let the mushroom helmets emerge.
3. Women's Super Combined - already happened, and I know the results (hence, no prediction), but it will be on tonight. And skiing is always good TV.
4. More skiing practice, if you are into that sort of thing. AI and I are not.
Random Fact of the Day
Julia Macuso has 4 Olympic medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold. Lindsay Vonn has 2 Olympic Medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Let the Games Begin
I find it a little unsettling that the Olympics began before the Opening ceremonies. I know it happens in the summer, too, but television coverage didn't begin in earnest before the Opening Ceremonies in 2012. Last night, full prime time coverage. Tonight, Opening Ceremonies. Just seems wrong. When you consider that the events competed yesterday were two events I have criticized, Slopestyle Snowboard and Team Figure Skating, well, yeah, unsettling.
We did get one gem last night...Bob Costas's eye. This is the perfect opening image of the Sochi Winter Games. I wrote yesterday about security, I touched on human rights violations and I at least mentioned the weather. I did not discuss preparedness. After posting yesterday I read an article about journalists and hotel rooms. Apparently, some of the hotels aren't quite ready. The tweets about water are particularly interesting, especially the "don't wash your face." Is it OK to shower?
Back to Bob. Bob announced that he woke up with a red and swollen eye and was told he has an "infection." Yeah, Bob, it's called conjunctivitis, commonly known as pink eye. Most parents of small children could have told you that. You didn't need the NBC Medical team for a diagnosis. You may have needed them for the drops. Oh, and don't touch anyone anywhere for the next week. People don't like pink eye.
Bob now looks like a James Bond villian. I received a text from my Volleyball Insider praising Bob's eye. I was recording the show and didn't know what he was talking about at the time. When I later started watching, I was mesmerized. I actually thought he looked a bit like Dr. Evil with one eye half closed and the other wide open. The hair doesn't fit, though. Regardless, the combination of bad water, unprepared hotel rooms and Bob's pink eye was an interesting and enjoyable start to these games.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
Well, not much, yet. Regardless:
1. Slopestyle Snowboard - This was a let down. No big crashes and a bunch of people doing the same thing. I never go into "skater culture" and I have never been snowboarding. I understand that there is a great deal of athleticism and courage necessary to do these tricks, but we watched girl after girl start, jump on and slide down a rail, do it again, then fly off three big hills and spin 1-2 times. That was it. They basically all did the exact same thing. Except the one girl who landed on her face. Then we watched a bunch of boys do the same thing, except they fly higher and spin more.
2. Jeremy Abbott looked like a deer in headlights right before he skated in the team competition. Then he skated like one. I have no idea whether skating after Plushenko should have been a big deal or not. But he was clearly not ready for it.
3. Scott Hamilton is entertaining as a commentator. Sandra Bezic is borderline unbearable. When Plushenko was skating she stated, with unimaginable admiration, "He's a rock star." That might have been the only thing she said his entire routine. I wish Tom Hammond had quoted Harry Doyle, "Dynamite drop-in, Monte. That broadcast school has really paid off." When the Meagan Dumahel and Eric Radford, the Canadian pair, were skating, she commented that the routine let Radford flourish without diminishing Duhamel. I have no idea what she was talking about, unless it was the 13 inch height difference between them.
4. What is up with height differences? The US pair combined 6'4" Simon Shnapir with 5'0" Marissa Castelli. Shnapir literally looked like a lumberjack when he skated onto the ice. But you have to love his dad's outfit. (Sadly, I can't find a picture.) Shnapir's parents are from Russia. Dad was dressed like an overblown Uncle Sam. Perhaps they want to emphasize that they are now Americans, for fear of ending up like Mikhail Barishnykov in White Nights.
5. Why was Russian pairs skater Maxim Trankov dressed like a naval officer from a retro Broadway show?
6. The one major problem with the Winter Olympics is that too many events are decided by scores and judges. I found this frustrating while watching last night. Maybe that is why I am excited about biathlon.
7. Bode Miller had the best time in the first downhill practice run. They actually announced that last night. Who cares? Are we really talkin' about practice? What do you think about that, Allen?
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium. - Pending
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, although not looking good if last night's figure skating is any sign
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher. - Pending, but close last night
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
Predictions
1. One medal for US in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle, let's say bronze.
2. Hannah Kearney gets gold in Women's Moguls.
3. No other medals for US on Saturday.
4. Ashley Wagner and Meryl Davis/Charlie White get US into top 5 for Team Figure Skating.
5. Bob Costas threatens to blow up the world unless he is given "One Mill-i-on Dollars."
6. US Women beat Finland in hockey, 4-1.
What to Watch For
1. The only intrigue is whether Lithuania gets live coverage during the Opening Ceremonies. Apparently the Ceremony will celebrate 1000 years of Russian history. Do you think this will include the Stalin Era purges?
2. Women's hockey at 3 am Saturday.
3. The first Biathlon events.
Random Fact of the Day
It is impossible to impersonate Mathew McConaughey without smiling and feeling happy.
We did get one gem last night...Bob Costas's eye. This is the perfect opening image of the Sochi Winter Games. I wrote yesterday about security, I touched on human rights violations and I at least mentioned the weather. I did not discuss preparedness. After posting yesterday I read an article about journalists and hotel rooms. Apparently, some of the hotels aren't quite ready. The tweets about water are particularly interesting, especially the "don't wash your face." Is it OK to shower?
Back to Bob. Bob announced that he woke up with a red and swollen eye and was told he has an "infection." Yeah, Bob, it's called conjunctivitis, commonly known as pink eye. Most parents of small children could have told you that. You didn't need the NBC Medical team for a diagnosis. You may have needed them for the drops. Oh, and don't touch anyone anywhere for the next week. People don't like pink eye.
Bob now looks like a James Bond villian. I received a text from my Volleyball Insider praising Bob's eye. I was recording the show and didn't know what he was talking about at the time. When I later started watching, I was mesmerized. I actually thought he looked a bit like Dr. Evil with one eye half closed and the other wide open. The hair doesn't fit, though. Regardless, the combination of bad water, unprepared hotel rooms and Bob's pink eye was an interesting and enjoyable start to these games.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
Well, not much, yet. Regardless:
1. Slopestyle Snowboard - This was a let down. No big crashes and a bunch of people doing the same thing. I never go into "skater culture" and I have never been snowboarding. I understand that there is a great deal of athleticism and courage necessary to do these tricks, but we watched girl after girl start, jump on and slide down a rail, do it again, then fly off three big hills and spin 1-2 times. That was it. They basically all did the exact same thing. Except the one girl who landed on her face. Then we watched a bunch of boys do the same thing, except they fly higher and spin more.
2. Jeremy Abbott looked like a deer in headlights right before he skated in the team competition. Then he skated like one. I have no idea whether skating after Plushenko should have been a big deal or not. But he was clearly not ready for it.
3. Scott Hamilton is entertaining as a commentator. Sandra Bezic is borderline unbearable. When Plushenko was skating she stated, with unimaginable admiration, "He's a rock star." That might have been the only thing she said his entire routine. I wish Tom Hammond had quoted Harry Doyle, "Dynamite drop-in, Monte. That broadcast school has really paid off." When the Meagan Dumahel and Eric Radford, the Canadian pair, were skating, she commented that the routine let Radford flourish without diminishing Duhamel. I have no idea what she was talking about, unless it was the 13 inch height difference between them.
4. What is up with height differences? The US pair combined 6'4" Simon Shnapir with 5'0" Marissa Castelli. Shnapir literally looked like a lumberjack when he skated onto the ice. But you have to love his dad's outfit. (Sadly, I can't find a picture.) Shnapir's parents are from Russia. Dad was dressed like an overblown Uncle Sam. Perhaps they want to emphasize that they are now Americans, for fear of ending up like Mikhail Barishnykov in White Nights.
5. Why was Russian pairs skater Maxim Trankov dressed like a naval officer from a retro Broadway show?
6. The one major problem with the Winter Olympics is that too many events are decided by scores and judges. I found this frustrating while watching last night. Maybe that is why I am excited about biathlon.
7. Bode Miller had the best time in the first downhill practice run. They actually announced that last night. Who cares? Are we really talkin' about practice? What do you think about that, Allen?
Predictions Recap
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium. - Pending
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, although not looking good if last night's figure skating is any sign
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher. - Pending, but close last night
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.
Predictions
1. One medal for US in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle, let's say bronze.
2. Hannah Kearney gets gold in Women's Moguls.
3. No other medals for US on Saturday.
4. Ashley Wagner and Meryl Davis/Charlie White get US into top 5 for Team Figure Skating.
5. Bob Costas threatens to blow up the world unless he is given "One Mill-i-on Dollars."
6. US Women beat Finland in hockey, 4-1.
What to Watch For
1. The only intrigue is whether Lithuania gets live coverage during the Opening Ceremonies. Apparently the Ceremony will celebrate 1000 years of Russian history. Do you think this will include the Stalin Era purges?
2. Women's hockey at 3 am Saturday.
3. The first Biathlon events.
Random Fact of the Day
It is impossible to impersonate Mathew McConaughey without smiling and feeling happy.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Welcome to the 2014 Winter Olympics from Sochi
I have been a little quiet recently, haven't I? I know you were starting to get worried that I wouldn't be here for you, that you would be denied my rare but insightful observations of this quadrennial event. Fear not. I am here and ready to serve. Admittedly, much has already happened, so to a certain extent I have failed you. However, we are still one day away from the opening ceremonies, so I consider myself timely. Let's begin with some of the big stories.
Security
Sadly, this is THE story of Sochi 2014. The Olympics are supposed to be about competition, sportsmanship and international cooperation. In reality, they are about money, more money, who gets the money and stroking Putin's ego on an international stage. More on the money later. The Putin thing is the main problem here. Putin managed to get this Olympics so he could let the world know how great he is, how manly he is, how sporty he is and how nice the Black Sea resort of Sochi is. Of course, he is also doing his best to kill a group of people living really close to Sochi. Some of these people don't take kindly to that, so they are fighting back. The way they fight would be called terrorism by many, guerrilla warfare by some, and a quest for survival by a few.
I'm not going to get too deep into that, because this stuff is complicated and I am a fairly dim person. Let's be honest, you don't read these posts for my geo-political insights, you read them for my witty comments about much less daunting subjects, like suburban youth soccer and Ryan Lochte's general dreaminess. I do understand that there are multiple sides to this story. I also understand that the Olympcs are a really big stage not just for Putin, but also for those who want to, for lack of a better way of putting it, make Putin look bad.
Terrorists have not merely threatened to launch an attack on the Olympics, they have essentially promised to. Putin has assured the world that Sochi is safe. He has a security detail about the size of the army defending Stalingrad in 1942 to make sure Sochi stays safe. This puts the terrorists and Putin in a bit of a catch 22. Someone's going to look bad. If an attack is successful, Putin looks bad. If nothing happens, the terrorists look bad. Putin has a lot more to lose here. He will lose face. The terrorists are just losing a stage. If history has taught us anything, they will find another, although not quite as big.
A week ago, the story was "Black Widows". This past summer, I was putting Eldest's bike away and saw a black widow in my garage. I'll be honest, it terrified me. I quickly did an internet search on how to kill it (it was in a position that made stomping it a little difficult) and ultimately sprayed it with enough Raid to drown it, if the chemicals didn't do the trick. I am literally getting chills right now just writing about this. Bleah! These aren't, however, the "Black Widows" in or around Sochi. Black Widows are female suicide bombers, most of whom became widows when their husbands were killed by Putin. Maybe not directly by Putin, but you get the idea. Apparently, some suspected "Black Widows" have disappeared, and there are concerns that they have breached the fortress-like security perimeter around Sochi. This should be enough to give some other people chills.
Hopefully, things will be fine. As much as I would like to see Putin look bad, I don't want it at the expense of innocent people or the Olympics as a whole. As you may already know from 2012, I am an Olympic idealist. I like the competition, the international harmony, the triumphs and defeats, and the spectacle. I put on blinders and pretend the politics, idiotic decision making and greed don't happen. Although that is becoming more and more difficult to do. If anything does happen, I will check with my Caucasus Insider to give you in depth analysis.
New Sports
I have not completed my research into the new sports for this year's Olympics. I know we have added Team Figure Skating, Slopestyle Snowboarding and Women's Ski Jumping. I have a few thoughts on each.
Team Figure Skating - huh? Look, I enjoy figure skating for many reasons. The athleticism is incredible. The commentators are an endless source of unintentional comedy. The drama, whether real or contrived, is always top notch. Some of the women are extremely easy on the eyes. My first childhood crush was on Dorothy Hamill. I still own the gentlemen's magazine featuring Katarina Witt. Evgeni Pluchenko's floppy blonde hair and endless divaism never failed to bring a smile to my face. Ashley Wagner and I graduated from the same high school (about 20 years apart). I look forward to the figure skating. But enough is enough. The sport is already ripe for judging controversy without adding a team element. Some sports are not team sports. Like figure skating. I don't get this one.
Slopestyle Snowboarding - The Winter Olympics have added a number of X-Games style sports over the last 20 years and greatly increased the fun and excitement of the competition. However, like Team Figure Skating, enough is enough. Snowboard Cross was a great addition, as was Ski Cross. I love Ski Aerials, they fly in the air, do 32 flips and 19 twists, land and act like they just won the gold, regardless of how well they did. Perhaps they are celebrating the fact that they are still alive. Snowboard halfpipe has been enjoyable. I've had enough, though. Just because someone can do something with a snowboard or a pair of skis doesn't mean they belong in the Olympics.
Women's Ski Jumping - I saw the trials for this event. I had no idea this was the first year women would compete in ski jumping at the Olympics. Seriously, IOC, how patronizing are you? Why did it take until 2014 for this to happen. The 1984 Marathon should have let you know that women can do this stuff. I would say it's about time, but really, it's well past time.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. The torch made it to Sochi without anyone getting killed. Sadly, this is an accomplishment.
2. Todd Lodwick has been selected as the US Flag Bearer. Lodwick will be competing in his 6th Olympics this year. Yes, 6th. For those of you who struggle at math, that means he has been in every winter Olympics since 1994. If he was born just a couple years erlier, he could have gone for 7 by taking advantage of the 2 year break from 1992 to 1994 when the Winter Olympics moved to off Summer Olympics years. Lodwick competes in the Nordic Combined, my Obscure Olympic Sport of 2010. He qualified by winning the US Trials, the only position that guaranteed a spot. I watched the Nordic Combined Olympic Trials and he dominated. Apparently, if he didn't win, he probably would not have been selected, because he's too old. That would have sucked.
3. Ashley Wagner was selected for the Olympics despite finishing 4th in qualifying. This was a minor controversy, because she jumped the girl who finished 3rd. Ashley is a two time US National Champion and generally considered the best US Figure Skater right now. This raises the question for the Olympics, do we want our best to compete at the games, or the people who qualified? This is a tough call. Perhaps if you have dominated for 3 years, but didn't do well at the Olympic Trials you aren't a good performer under pressure. Or, maybe you just had a bad day. I'm gald Ashley got selected, because of the aforementioned high school connection. Go Wolverines!!! She will have to compete with Gracie Gold, the winner at US Nationals this year, who also has the better Olympic name.
4. Shaun White withdrew from Slopestyle Snowboarding. Again, a minor controversy and an interesting question. As one of the most recognizable people in the Olympics, does Shaun have an obligation to grow his sport by competing in this contrived new event? Or does he have an obligation to himself to focus on his best event and a chance at a historic 3rd straight gold medal in halfpipe? I think he made the right choice.
5. The IOC's choice for the Olympics has been met with controversy for the 2nd time in 3 Olympics. First Beijing, which admittedly was a great spectacle and a very enjoyable games. The human rights abuses around the Olympics did leave a slightly bitter taste, though. Now Sochi, with threats of terrorism, police-state like security, anti-gay legislation and people losing houses to build fun, new rail lines. Methinks Rio is not going to go off without a hitch, either. The $50 billion price tag seems a bit off putting, too. It is an international event and we want the whole world involved, but maybe they should try to pretend that money isn't the only thing they care about. The people watching care about a lot more.
Predictions
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's.
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal.
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze.
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium.
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games.
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds.
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher.
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America.
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue.
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider.
What to Watch For
1. Opening Ceremonies, tomorrow night.
2. If you have a train wreck obsession, Slopestyle Snowboarding tonight. I, of course, will be watching.
3. College basketball?
Random Fact of the Day
High and low temperatures in Sochi on Friday are 49/36, Saturday 49/38 and Sunday 53/41. In Chantilly, VA, Friday 39/24, Saturday 36/27, Sunday 41/17.
Security
Sadly, this is THE story of Sochi 2014. The Olympics are supposed to be about competition, sportsmanship and international cooperation. In reality, they are about money, more money, who gets the money and stroking Putin's ego on an international stage. More on the money later. The Putin thing is the main problem here. Putin managed to get this Olympics so he could let the world know how great he is, how manly he is, how sporty he is and how nice the Black Sea resort of Sochi is. Of course, he is also doing his best to kill a group of people living really close to Sochi. Some of these people don't take kindly to that, so they are fighting back. The way they fight would be called terrorism by many, guerrilla warfare by some, and a quest for survival by a few.
I'm not going to get too deep into that, because this stuff is complicated and I am a fairly dim person. Let's be honest, you don't read these posts for my geo-political insights, you read them for my witty comments about much less daunting subjects, like suburban youth soccer and Ryan Lochte's general dreaminess. I do understand that there are multiple sides to this story. I also understand that the Olympcs are a really big stage not just for Putin, but also for those who want to, for lack of a better way of putting it, make Putin look bad.
Terrorists have not merely threatened to launch an attack on the Olympics, they have essentially promised to. Putin has assured the world that Sochi is safe. He has a security detail about the size of the army defending Stalingrad in 1942 to make sure Sochi stays safe. This puts the terrorists and Putin in a bit of a catch 22. Someone's going to look bad. If an attack is successful, Putin looks bad. If nothing happens, the terrorists look bad. Putin has a lot more to lose here. He will lose face. The terrorists are just losing a stage. If history has taught us anything, they will find another, although not quite as big.
A week ago, the story was "Black Widows". This past summer, I was putting Eldest's bike away and saw a black widow in my garage. I'll be honest, it terrified me. I quickly did an internet search on how to kill it (it was in a position that made stomping it a little difficult) and ultimately sprayed it with enough Raid to drown it, if the chemicals didn't do the trick. I am literally getting chills right now just writing about this. Bleah! These aren't, however, the "Black Widows" in or around Sochi. Black Widows are female suicide bombers, most of whom became widows when their husbands were killed by Putin. Maybe not directly by Putin, but you get the idea. Apparently, some suspected "Black Widows" have disappeared, and there are concerns that they have breached the fortress-like security perimeter around Sochi. This should be enough to give some other people chills.
Hopefully, things will be fine. As much as I would like to see Putin look bad, I don't want it at the expense of innocent people or the Olympics as a whole. As you may already know from 2012, I am an Olympic idealist. I like the competition, the international harmony, the triumphs and defeats, and the spectacle. I put on blinders and pretend the politics, idiotic decision making and greed don't happen. Although that is becoming more and more difficult to do. If anything does happen, I will check with my Caucasus Insider to give you in depth analysis.
New Sports
I have not completed my research into the new sports for this year's Olympics. I know we have added Team Figure Skating, Slopestyle Snowboarding and Women's Ski Jumping. I have a few thoughts on each.
Team Figure Skating - huh? Look, I enjoy figure skating for many reasons. The athleticism is incredible. The commentators are an endless source of unintentional comedy. The drama, whether real or contrived, is always top notch. Some of the women are extremely easy on the eyes. My first childhood crush was on Dorothy Hamill. I still own the gentlemen's magazine featuring Katarina Witt. Evgeni Pluchenko's floppy blonde hair and endless divaism never failed to bring a smile to my face. Ashley Wagner and I graduated from the same high school (about 20 years apart). I look forward to the figure skating. But enough is enough. The sport is already ripe for judging controversy without adding a team element. Some sports are not team sports. Like figure skating. I don't get this one.
Slopestyle Snowboarding - The Winter Olympics have added a number of X-Games style sports over the last 20 years and greatly increased the fun and excitement of the competition. However, like Team Figure Skating, enough is enough. Snowboard Cross was a great addition, as was Ski Cross. I love Ski Aerials, they fly in the air, do 32 flips and 19 twists, land and act like they just won the gold, regardless of how well they did. Perhaps they are celebrating the fact that they are still alive. Snowboard halfpipe has been enjoyable. I've had enough, though. Just because someone can do something with a snowboard or a pair of skis doesn't mean they belong in the Olympics.
Women's Ski Jumping - I saw the trials for this event. I had no idea this was the first year women would compete in ski jumping at the Olympics. Seriously, IOC, how patronizing are you? Why did it take until 2014 for this to happen. The 1984 Marathon should have let you know that women can do this stuff. I would say it's about time, but really, it's well past time.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)
1. The torch made it to Sochi without anyone getting killed. Sadly, this is an accomplishment.
2. Todd Lodwick has been selected as the US Flag Bearer. Lodwick will be competing in his 6th Olympics this year. Yes, 6th. For those of you who struggle at math, that means he has been in every winter Olympics since 1994. If he was born just a couple years erlier, he could have gone for 7 by taking advantage of the 2 year break from 1992 to 1994 when the Winter Olympics moved to off Summer Olympics years. Lodwick competes in the Nordic Combined, my Obscure Olympic Sport of 2010. He qualified by winning the US Trials, the only position that guaranteed a spot. I watched the Nordic Combined Olympic Trials and he dominated. Apparently, if he didn't win, he probably would not have been selected, because he's too old. That would have sucked.
3. Ashley Wagner was selected for the Olympics despite finishing 4th in qualifying. This was a minor controversy, because she jumped the girl who finished 3rd. Ashley is a two time US National Champion and generally considered the best US Figure Skater right now. This raises the question for the Olympics, do we want our best to compete at the games, or the people who qualified? This is a tough call. Perhaps if you have dominated for 3 years, but didn't do well at the Olympic Trials you aren't a good performer under pressure. Or, maybe you just had a bad day. I'm gald Ashley got selected, because of the aforementioned high school connection. Go Wolverines!!! She will have to compete with Gracie Gold, the winner at US Nationals this year, who also has the better Olympic name.
4. Shaun White withdrew from Slopestyle Snowboarding. Again, a minor controversy and an interesting question. As one of the most recognizable people in the Olympics, does Shaun have an obligation to grow his sport by competing in this contrived new event? Or does he have an obligation to himself to focus on his best event and a chance at a historic 3rd straight gold medal in halfpipe? I think he made the right choice.
5. The IOC's choice for the Olympics has been met with controversy for the 2nd time in 3 Olympics. First Beijing, which admittedly was a great spectacle and a very enjoyable games. The human rights abuses around the Olympics did leave a slightly bitter taste, though. Now Sochi, with threats of terrorism, police-state like security, anti-gay legislation and people losing houses to build fun, new rail lines. Methinks Rio is not going to go off without a hitch, either. The $50 billion price tag seems a bit off putting, too. It is an international event and we want the whole world involved, but maybe they should try to pretend that money isn't the only thing they care about. The people watching care about a lot more.
Predictions
1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's.
2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal.
3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze.
4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium.
5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games.
6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds.
7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher.
8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America.
9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue.
10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider.
What to Watch For
1. Opening Ceremonies, tomorrow night.
2. If you have a train wreck obsession, Slopestyle Snowboarding tonight. I, of course, will be watching.
3. College basketball?
Random Fact of the Day
High and low temperatures in Sochi on Friday are 49/36, Saturday 49/38 and Sunday 53/41. In Chantilly, VA, Friday 39/24, Saturday 36/27, Sunday 41/17.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Happy Thanksgiving, Part 2
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. As I stated just a couple of days ago, whether I have a nice Thanksgiving depends in large part on whether the Cowboys win. Despite coughing up the ball on the opening kick-off return and falling behind by scores of 7-0 and 21-7, they won, so my Thanksgiving was fine.
I didn't intend to post again on my least favorite holiday, but I received some criticism for my last post. Apparently, some people like Thanksgiving and found my less than enthusiastic opinion of our consumeristic, gluttony-filled holiday a tad off-putting. This despite pointing out how the day of gluttony and football is slowly being overtaken by holiday sales. I have enjoyed the evolution of "Black Friday" sales. It began with big sales on holiday hours the day after Thanksgiving. Then opening moved to 6 am, 5 am and 4 am. A few years ago, someone decided they could open at midnight. Eventually they moved it back to 10 pm Thursday, 8 pm Thursday and now, for many stores, 6 pm on Thursday. I imagine we are no more than 10 years away from sales starting at 6 am on Thursday, perhaps with stores closing from noon to 6 pm, so people can overstuff themselves on a bird that tastes so good I don't know anyone who eats it as a meal on any other day of the year except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I digress.
So, in the interest of taking the holiday back, finding its true meaning and throwing something positive on the day (other than a Cowboys victory, of which many of you do not share my enthusiasm), I give you my not complete list of things I am Thankful for (in no particular order).
Alex Morgan - for being today's blatantly obvious example that you can be a world class athlete and smoking hot at the same time...and not play tennis.
The Weather - for variety, heat, water, air and making my Anti-Diving Insider complain regularly about snow.
Snow - for bringing unparalleled joy to my three boys, as well as the occasional, unexpected day off for the family.
My three boys - for giving me a full rainbow of emotions, from elation to anger.
The US Men's National Soccer Team - for qualifying for Brazil 2014.
The Management Company at my office building - for not turning the heat on today, giving us an excuse to close early.
Darth Vader - for being the baddest man in the universe, and reminding us that it is never too late to realize the error of your ways.
A House - because you need a place to crash at night.
TiVO - possibly the greatest invention ever.
Chipotle - possibly the best restaurant ever.
Paula Creamer - for giving me a reason to love the color pink.
Michael Phelps - for showing us that the impossible is possible.
LeBron James - for being Middle's favorite athlete; I have no idea why.
Stuffed Animals - for always making things better.
The Rookery - for always being there, being faithful and being windy.
Chantilly High School Cross Country Team - for giving me a reason to follow high school sports.
Summer Swimming - for memories, fun, competition, socialization and turning Youngest into a dictator.
Daniel Snyder - for idiocy and incompetence.
The Wife - for just being her.
Friends and Family - for making life worth living.
Viggo Mortensen, Chris Hemsworth and David Boreanaz - for making the Wife feel like a teenage girl again.
Katy Perry - because she's a firework.
Hoosiers - for being the best sports movie ever.
Cherry Coke - no explanation needed.
And..
The Washington Wizards - for reminding me, and any other Wizards fan, that mediocrity is sometimes an admirable goal.
Enjoy Black Friday. And remember, sometimes mediocrity is an admirable goal.
I didn't intend to post again on my least favorite holiday, but I received some criticism for my last post. Apparently, some people like Thanksgiving and found my less than enthusiastic opinion of our consumeristic, gluttony-filled holiday a tad off-putting. This despite pointing out how the day of gluttony and football is slowly being overtaken by holiday sales. I have enjoyed the evolution of "Black Friday" sales. It began with big sales on holiday hours the day after Thanksgiving. Then opening moved to 6 am, 5 am and 4 am. A few years ago, someone decided they could open at midnight. Eventually they moved it back to 10 pm Thursday, 8 pm Thursday and now, for many stores, 6 pm on Thursday. I imagine we are no more than 10 years away from sales starting at 6 am on Thursday, perhaps with stores closing from noon to 6 pm, so people can overstuff themselves on a bird that tastes so good I don't know anyone who eats it as a meal on any other day of the year except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I digress.
So, in the interest of taking the holiday back, finding its true meaning and throwing something positive on the day (other than a Cowboys victory, of which many of you do not share my enthusiasm), I give you my not complete list of things I am Thankful for (in no particular order).
Alex Morgan - for being today's blatantly obvious example that you can be a world class athlete and smoking hot at the same time...and not play tennis.
The Weather - for variety, heat, water, air and making my Anti-Diving Insider complain regularly about snow.
Snow - for bringing unparalleled joy to my three boys, as well as the occasional, unexpected day off for the family.
My three boys - for giving me a full rainbow of emotions, from elation to anger.
The US Men's National Soccer Team - for qualifying for Brazil 2014.
The Management Company at my office building - for not turning the heat on today, giving us an excuse to close early.
Darth Vader - for being the baddest man in the universe, and reminding us that it is never too late to realize the error of your ways.
A House - because you need a place to crash at night.
TiVO - possibly the greatest invention ever.
Chipotle - possibly the best restaurant ever.
Paula Creamer - for giving me a reason to love the color pink.
Michael Phelps - for showing us that the impossible is possible.
LeBron James - for being Middle's favorite athlete; I have no idea why.
Stuffed Animals - for always making things better.
The Rookery - for always being there, being faithful and being windy.
Chantilly High School Cross Country Team - for giving me a reason to follow high school sports.
Summer Swimming - for memories, fun, competition, socialization and turning Youngest into a dictator.
Daniel Snyder - for idiocy and incompetence.
The Wife - for just being her.
Friends and Family - for making life worth living.
Viggo Mortensen, Chris Hemsworth and David Boreanaz - for making the Wife feel like a teenage girl again.
Katy Perry - because she's a firework.
Hoosiers - for being the best sports movie ever.
Cherry Coke - no explanation needed.
And..
The Washington Wizards - for reminding me, and any other Wizards fan, that mediocrity is sometimes an admirable goal.
Enjoy Black Friday. And remember, sometimes mediocrity is an admirable goal.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Happy Thanksgiving
After I dropped Youngest off at school today and was headed to drop off Middle and Eldest, Middle proclaimed that tomorrow, Thanksgiving, is his third favorite holiday. Intrigued by this, I asked for his top two. Not surprisingly, Christmas is number one. He surprised me by stating that Valentine's Day is his second favorite holiday. I am not exactly the most romantic or passionate man in the greater Washington DC metropolitan area, so I don't rank Valentine's Day very high. I was very interested in what makes Valentine's Day the second favorite holiday of a seven year old boy. It can't be the time he gets to spend with his girlfriend. Middle has a few girls who are friends, well maybe one, and he has certainly charmed his way deep into the heart of his summer swim coach/babysitter, who is a very attractive junior in college. But he has no girlfriends. Romance is as far away from his mind as cleaning his room. When I asked him "Why Valentine's Day?" he very simply replied, "Because we get free candy." Me thinks his mother and I spoil him too much. He stood his ground despite the objections from Eldest that the free candy haul from Halloween is greater than that of Valentine's Day. Middle is our passionate son and the one most likely to be a "player". I can't decide if his future girlfriends are going to be lucky or greatly disappointed, but I think this fondness for Valentine's Day at the age of seven says something about how he will act towards his significant others later in life. I don't know what it says, but it says something.
Thanksgiving is not my third favorite holiday. Nor my fourth or fifth or sixth. I'm not sure which holidays people usually count, but if you include Christmas, New Years Day, President's Day, MLK, Jr. Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is my 11th favorite holiday. You can add Flag Day, Father's Day, Mother's Day and Administrative Assistant's Day, and Thanksgiving becomes my 15th favorite holiday. I think you get the point.
I dislike Thanksgiving for several reasons. It begins with the food. I don't like turkey. I don't like mashed potatoes that much. I don't like sweet potatos, most stuffing or green bean casseroles. I can handle stuffing made exactly the way I want it, and green beans, by themselves, are OK. I like rolls. I don't really like pie and I really dislike pumpkin pie. Seriously, why didn't the pilgrims just throw a pig on a spit and twirl him over the fire for a few days or go to the local butcher for some steaks? That would have made this whole Thanksgiving thing a lot better for everyone. Especially the turkeys. Of course, I guess it would look even sillier for the President to pardon a pig than it does for him to pardon a turkey.
I also lack fond memories of Thanksgiving. I know when I was very young we used to have Thanksgiving with my uncle's family, who lived in Annapolis. I remember that being fun, but for the fact that I was the youngest of all the cousins so typically the subject of any ridicule and the one least likely to win anything. My later years (i.e., teenage years) were not so fun. Thanksgiving was raking day at my house. My father would start raking at about 8 am. I was the youngest of his three sons. I usually woke around 9 and was often the first of the sons to get up. By that time, Dad was already upset that he had been raking alone for an hour. The last thing I wanted to do was rake, so I would dawdle through breakfast and watch a little TV. This made it worse. Eventually, we would head outside to help him. He generally took it well, but we knew he was upset, and that would set the tone for the remainder of the day.
This leads to another reason I don't like Thanksgiving. My house was always full of tension. Mom was cooking, and for some reason she would be in a bad mood. Dad was in a bad mood over the raking thing. My brothers and I, well, I guess we were fine, but we didn't enjoy spending the first half of the holiday raking. And we always had the tension over the Cowboys game. The 4:30 Cowboys game conflicts with a typical dinner time. My father doesn't like eating "dinner" early, because it messes up his schedule. My mom doesn't want us to watch football during dinner, or worse, race through dinner so we can go back to football. More tension.
One year, when I was about 22, I remember my parents getting into an argument about who knows what. After several minutes I decided to attempt to end this, so I grabbed a giant knife, started mimicking a cutting motion between them and said, "I am literally cutting the tension with a knife." Shockingly, my father found this amusing and moved on. Mom on the other hand became even more upset. I think she was partially annoyed that my father found it amusing. The end result was, yes, more tension. Even when I make a bad joke on Thanksgiving, I can't win.
Finally, I dislike Thanksgiving because the whole purpose of the day is too eat too much.. I am not opposed to eating. I'm not even that opposed to over-eating as a concept. I am, however, opposed to a holiday that celebrates over-eating and basically nothing else. When people talk about Thanksgiving, they talk about eating too much, loosening the belt, stuffing themselves. Every joke about Thanksgiving is about over-eating. OK, not every joke, some are about spending time with family members you don't like. Yes, football is part of the day. In theory, we are supposed to reflect on what we are thankful for, but no one really does that. People just eat and eat some more and eat some more. Then they watch football. Sure, other holidays involve eating, even eating to excess. The 4th of July comes to mind. But those other holidays have another major purpose or celebration. Like fireworks. Thanksgiving has nothing else. Just see how much food you can get down. Oh, yeah, I forgot, then go Christmas shopping.
It is not all negative. There are a few things I like. As a father, I enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. As each of my three boys has reached an age of realization, they have enjoyed the parade. Watching them dance to the songs, amaze at the floats and go crazy when Santa appears at the end is one of the greatest joys of the holiday season.
I also have some fond memories of Thanksgiving. In 2012, we spent 5 days in Williamsburg, VA. We ate at the Cheese Shop (which you must do if you go to Williamsburg), spent some time in Colonial Williamsburg, wandered around the campus of William and Mary and went to Christmastown at Busch Gardens. I even got to play a round of golf with my brothers. That was fun for the whole family. Although my father got grumbly about the football game and disappeared shortly before kick-off. That whole Redskins victory left something to be desired, too.
And that is the kicker for Thanksgiving. Every Thanksgiving, at 4:30 pm, the Cowboys play. Throughout my life, this has been part of Thanksgiving. My Mom used to plan dinner for halftime. The Wife always asks me when they play and when we should eat. In 2012, the whole family planned dinner to end just before kick-off. Whether or not I enjoy Thanksgiving has a lot more to do with the result of that game than just about anything else. Let's be honest, if you are still reading you are pretty aware that I'm not a fan. If the Cowboys lose, that's the wet added to an already cold day. If they win, its like a heated blanket has just been wrapped around me. Not to mention the turkey wasn't so bad this year, and chocolate chip cookies were available in lieu of pie, and everyone seemed to get along. I don't know if the Cowboys game is a good thing or not. I just know it matters.
In other news, Prince William sang "Livin' on a Prayer" with Jon Bon Jovi and Taylor Swift at a charity vent. I have always enjoyed Jon Bon Jovi. The Wife enjoys him perhaps a little too much. Taylor seemed to miss the dynamics of the situation, trying to turn a slow, acoustic version of the Bon Jovi classic into a rap video with overdone dancing and excessive hand gestures. The Prince was dead on. He debonairly adjusted his tie and joined in with the hair band superstar. Needless to say, It's good to be the King.
Two and a half months until the winter Olympics start and Lindsey Vonn is hurt again. I don't know how the ski team is selected, but things don't look good for the defending downhill gold medalist. I think all Olympic teams should be decided like the basketball team: Let Coach K decide because he is an American and he always wants to win. (Just a little nod to my Volleyball Insider and my Anti-Diving Isider.) We have much to cover in Olympic news over the next few months. This is a little appetizer.
With that, may I say, Happy Thanksgiving. Safe travels. And get your Christmas shopping started. Less than a month until Santa's glorious trip around the world.
Thanksgiving is not my third favorite holiday. Nor my fourth or fifth or sixth. I'm not sure which holidays people usually count, but if you include Christmas, New Years Day, President's Day, MLK, Jr. Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is my 11th favorite holiday. You can add Flag Day, Father's Day, Mother's Day and Administrative Assistant's Day, and Thanksgiving becomes my 15th favorite holiday. I think you get the point.
I dislike Thanksgiving for several reasons. It begins with the food. I don't like turkey. I don't like mashed potatoes that much. I don't like sweet potatos, most stuffing or green bean casseroles. I can handle stuffing made exactly the way I want it, and green beans, by themselves, are OK. I like rolls. I don't really like pie and I really dislike pumpkin pie. Seriously, why didn't the pilgrims just throw a pig on a spit and twirl him over the fire for a few days or go to the local butcher for some steaks? That would have made this whole Thanksgiving thing a lot better for everyone. Especially the turkeys. Of course, I guess it would look even sillier for the President to pardon a pig than it does for him to pardon a turkey.
I also lack fond memories of Thanksgiving. I know when I was very young we used to have Thanksgiving with my uncle's family, who lived in Annapolis. I remember that being fun, but for the fact that I was the youngest of all the cousins so typically the subject of any ridicule and the one least likely to win anything. My later years (i.e., teenage years) were not so fun. Thanksgiving was raking day at my house. My father would start raking at about 8 am. I was the youngest of his three sons. I usually woke around 9 and was often the first of the sons to get up. By that time, Dad was already upset that he had been raking alone for an hour. The last thing I wanted to do was rake, so I would dawdle through breakfast and watch a little TV. This made it worse. Eventually, we would head outside to help him. He generally took it well, but we knew he was upset, and that would set the tone for the remainder of the day.
This leads to another reason I don't like Thanksgiving. My house was always full of tension. Mom was cooking, and for some reason she would be in a bad mood. Dad was in a bad mood over the raking thing. My brothers and I, well, I guess we were fine, but we didn't enjoy spending the first half of the holiday raking. And we always had the tension over the Cowboys game. The 4:30 Cowboys game conflicts with a typical dinner time. My father doesn't like eating "dinner" early, because it messes up his schedule. My mom doesn't want us to watch football during dinner, or worse, race through dinner so we can go back to football. More tension.
One year, when I was about 22, I remember my parents getting into an argument about who knows what. After several minutes I decided to attempt to end this, so I grabbed a giant knife, started mimicking a cutting motion between them and said, "I am literally cutting the tension with a knife." Shockingly, my father found this amusing and moved on. Mom on the other hand became even more upset. I think she was partially annoyed that my father found it amusing. The end result was, yes, more tension. Even when I make a bad joke on Thanksgiving, I can't win.
Finally, I dislike Thanksgiving because the whole purpose of the day is too eat too much.. I am not opposed to eating. I'm not even that opposed to over-eating as a concept. I am, however, opposed to a holiday that celebrates over-eating and basically nothing else. When people talk about Thanksgiving, they talk about eating too much, loosening the belt, stuffing themselves. Every joke about Thanksgiving is about over-eating. OK, not every joke, some are about spending time with family members you don't like. Yes, football is part of the day. In theory, we are supposed to reflect on what we are thankful for, but no one really does that. People just eat and eat some more and eat some more. Then they watch football. Sure, other holidays involve eating, even eating to excess. The 4th of July comes to mind. But those other holidays have another major purpose or celebration. Like fireworks. Thanksgiving has nothing else. Just see how much food you can get down. Oh, yeah, I forgot, then go Christmas shopping.
It is not all negative. There are a few things I like. As a father, I enjoy the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. As each of my three boys has reached an age of realization, they have enjoyed the parade. Watching them dance to the songs, amaze at the floats and go crazy when Santa appears at the end is one of the greatest joys of the holiday season.
I also have some fond memories of Thanksgiving. In 2012, we spent 5 days in Williamsburg, VA. We ate at the Cheese Shop (which you must do if you go to Williamsburg), spent some time in Colonial Williamsburg, wandered around the campus of William and Mary and went to Christmastown at Busch Gardens. I even got to play a round of golf with my brothers. That was fun for the whole family. Although my father got grumbly about the football game and disappeared shortly before kick-off. That whole Redskins victory left something to be desired, too.
And that is the kicker for Thanksgiving. Every Thanksgiving, at 4:30 pm, the Cowboys play. Throughout my life, this has been part of Thanksgiving. My Mom used to plan dinner for halftime. The Wife always asks me when they play and when we should eat. In 2012, the whole family planned dinner to end just before kick-off. Whether or not I enjoy Thanksgiving has a lot more to do with the result of that game than just about anything else. Let's be honest, if you are still reading you are pretty aware that I'm not a fan. If the Cowboys lose, that's the wet added to an already cold day. If they win, its like a heated blanket has just been wrapped around me. Not to mention the turkey wasn't so bad this year, and chocolate chip cookies were available in lieu of pie, and everyone seemed to get along. I don't know if the Cowboys game is a good thing or not. I just know it matters.
In other news, Prince William sang "Livin' on a Prayer" with Jon Bon Jovi and Taylor Swift at a charity vent. I have always enjoyed Jon Bon Jovi. The Wife enjoys him perhaps a little too much. Taylor seemed to miss the dynamics of the situation, trying to turn a slow, acoustic version of the Bon Jovi classic into a rap video with overdone dancing and excessive hand gestures. The Prince was dead on. He debonairly adjusted his tie and joined in with the hair band superstar. Needless to say, It's good to be the King.
Two and a half months until the winter Olympics start and Lindsey Vonn is hurt again. I don't know how the ski team is selected, but things don't look good for the defending downhill gold medalist. I think all Olympic teams should be decided like the basketball team: Let Coach K decide because he is an American and he always wants to win. (Just a little nod to my Volleyball Insider and my Anti-Diving Isider.) We have much to cover in Olympic news over the next few months. This is a little appetizer.
With that, may I say, Happy Thanksgiving. Safe travels. And get your Christmas shopping started. Less than a month until Santa's glorious trip around the world.
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