It has been five LONG years since we got to experience a Summer Olympics. During this time, it is likely most of you have slipped a little, as it relates to the rules (ok, guidelines) for properly experiencing this spectacle of sport. NBC will be showing more than 250 hours of coverage this year. In addition to NBC, an additional five cable networks will provide coverage (USA, CNBC, MSNBC, The Olympic Channel and Golf.) And this does not include Peacock, the new NBC owned streaming channel that is competing with so many other new streaming channels for my money, all of which combined will likely put me in the poor house. All told, there will be more than 7000 hours of coverage. To put this in perspective, that is almost 292 days. The opening ceremonies of the next Olympics, the Winter Olympics in Beijing, is on February 4, 2022. That is 196 days away. If you did nothing but watch Tokyo 2020 coverage until the Winter Olympics, you wouldn't finish. Even I would need to sleep a little.
In addition, Tokyo is the second of three straight Olympics in Asia. This means three straight games when most of the action happens overnight here, and all of the athletes are asleep (or doing other overnight activities) while we are all awake in America. So figuring out how to navigate the 6 channels, streaming service and 7,000 hours of coverage can be daunting. You have to have a plan and you have to be vigilant.
So, I give you my Guidelines (or Rules) for watching the Olympics, copied from, amended and updated for 2021.
1. No sex. This is, always has been, and always will be Rule #1. I have received a lot of push back o this rule. There are people, several of them, who believe that sex and proper Olympics watching are not mutually exclusive. I have said it before, and I will say it again, if you have the time and energy to have
sex during the next two weeks, you just aren't trying. This experience requires focus and sacrifice. Every spare moment needs to be used to its fullest towards your Olympic experience. Never mind what the athletes are doing in their spare time. They earned that right with their athletic achievements. You need to focus, and time spent in the bedroom (or anywhere else not focused on Olympic programming) is simply a waste. So, tell your sexual partner that you are taking a break. Of course the time change gives you one more night before the action, I mean the competition, gets going. So you have tonight.
2. If you don't have a DVR, we just can't be friends anymore. Seriously, what is up with that? Don't tell me anything about streaming channels and YouTube and "I saved money by cancelling cable." This is the Olympics. At the end of a pandemic. You need cable and a DVR. Otherwise, you are just not prepared. Streaming is not going to cut it. You will barely be starting to watch track and field before the Winter Olympics start. I have recently finished my deleting barrage to prepare for the next two weeks. Sure, there were some tears from those small creatures who inhabit my home, but everyone has to sacrifice.
3. Check TV listings. This is where the plan comes into play. It bears repeating, 7000 hours of coverage. Seven. Thousand. You need to know what is on,
where it is on and when it is on. Otherwise, it is likely you will miss
the archery, the speed climbing or maybe even trampoline. We simply can't have that.
4. Prioritize. In all seriousness, decide what you want to watch and
see when it is on. This is a unique experience. Rarely do you get to
watch trampoline on TV. If that is your thing, and I highly recommend
it for about 3 minutes but no more than 3 minutes, find out when
trampoline is on and watch. (This was directly taken from the 2016 Guidelines, because it is that good.)
5. Watch something new. Take advantage of the opportunity to watch
something you have never watched before. I recommend a Judo match,
because that is one baffling experience. If you watch a Judo match, and
know nothing about Judo, don't learn anything before you watch. Just
watch and try to figure out what the hell is going on. There are plenty
of opportunities - Team Handball, Judo, Fencing, Archery, Table Tennis, Speed Climbing. Seriously, watch Speed Climbing. Spiderman, and Spidergirl live. Don't stick to just the spotlight sports.
6. Get inspired. Every Olympic, I am inspired to get into the pool and
start swimming again. This year, I am already swimming again, but it
will inspire me to push a little harder. If you ever had any dreams of
athletic glory, it is very easy to get inspired by the Olympics. The
successes, the failures, the stories, the scenery, the music are all
inspirational. If you need more inspiration, make a game of it. Every
time Rowdy Gaines says someone is getting a draft, do 5 push ups. Every
time he mentions that someone only breathes to one side, do 5 sit ups.
Every time you see an attractive athlete, do 5 jumping jacks.
If you see someone wearing a mask without covering their nose, go for a 2 minute jog.
If you are creative, you can find a lot of games to play. Regardless
of how, use the inspiration. The Olympic motto is Citius, Altius, Fortius. This means Faster, Higher, Stronger. Not Fastest, Highest, Strongest. Be inspired to go faster, higher and stronger.
7. Watch as a family. This is really fun. Let the kids experience the
joy of winning and the pain of losing through some of the greatest
athletes in the world. Learn a little about the athletes and the sports
and Japan. Let them see what it takes to be that good. Maybe they
will be inspired, maybe they won't. Regardless, fun for the whole
family.
8. Hydrate. Good God, how did I forget this for the past several Olympics? To get through this you need to be on top of your game. Water is life and you need a lot. Not so much that you need a bathroom break every 15 minutes, but peak performance requires proper hydration. Get a good water bottle and use it. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
9. Check out this Blog. I will be on, regularly if not daily. You get
to experience my observations, my thoughts, my predictions and my
suggestions for things to look forward to. Eventually, I will repeat my
always in demand You Are Beautiful.
So, there you have it. My guidelines for experiencing the Olympics from
afar (meaning we aren't in Tokyo.) Use these as you see fit, except for
#1. That is a hard line rule.
Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports
and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits) -
1. Uhh, the Women's Soccer Team lost. That wasn't good. Observations from the Opening Ceremonies will come tomorrow.
Predictions Sum Up -
1. No predictions, yet, so...huh. This isn't very exciting, so far.
Predictions -
This will start tomorrow.
What to Watch for:
1. The games actually begin, so get to bed early, wake up early and start watching. Oh, and try not to let
something silly like a 5 hour swim meet that your own kids are competing
in get in the way. Or a Banquet to celebrate the end of their season. Yeah, these were poorly planned.
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