I had a Bobble in my Twizzle

Who knew Ice Dancing was so dirty?

The title of this post is a direct quote from Canadian Ice Dancer, Tessa Virtue, after the short program during the Team Ice Skating Competition.  During the long program, NBC analyst Tara Lipinski remarked that when you have a bobble in your twizzle, the only thing you can do is "drive it home!"  Who knew Tara Lipinski was so dirty?

Let's set Tara aside for now.  She has grown into a more attractive young woman than I would have guessed, but this isn't about her.  Well, it shouldn't be, but we'll get back to that later.

The potential euphemism use of the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle...which you need to drive home" is a little too easy.  When you add in the fact that Tessa Virtue's eyes virtually order you to hinder her last name, well...what?  That last sentence was a little unclear.  Oh, well, I try to keep this family friendly, but when it comes to Tessa's eyes, twizzle and virtue, I just can't.  The girl has F Me eyes!  Big, pretty eyes commanding you to have all sorts of fun with her that does not involve ice or an ice dancer's outfit, but does involve her twizzle.  Ashley Wagner has similar eyes, and a look to go with them, but she doesn't talk about her twizzle.  And Tara isn't telling you to drive it home with Ashley.

Despite the enjoyment people could have with F Me eyes, twizzles, and driving it home, I propose we do not let this decline to the most common denominator.  Tessa Virtue has given us a wonderful phrase.  We shouldn't let it fall neatly into the vast array of phrases and euphemisms for sex.  We should aspire for more.  We should challenge ourselves.  So, as much as I would like to look at Tessa's eyes and imagine Tara driving that bobble home in her twizzle, I will bring this out of the gutter.  Henceforth, the phrase "I had a bobble in my twizzle" should be used for an athlete who messed up a fairly simple act.

I give you, the bobbles in the twizzles:

1.  A wide receiver drops a perfectly thrown pass right in his hands:  What happened?  He had a bobble in his twizzle.

2.  A basketball player bounces an uncontested, fast break dunk off the back of the backboard:  What happened?  He had a bobble in his twizzle.

3.  A soccer player gets faked out so bad, he falls on the ground:  What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.

4.  (This one is for my Anti-Diving Insider) A soccer player falls to the ground, untouched and rolls around writhing in pain, looking for a foul:  What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.  Perhaps we should drive it home.

5.  A swimmer badly misses a flip turn:  What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.

6.  A biathlete misses more than one target during a 5 shot shooting round:  What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.

7.  A baseball player falls down, untouched trying to go from 1st to 3rd on a single:  What happened? He had a bobble in his twizzle.

The possibilities are endless.  Feel free to try it out.  If you get a funny look, just look the person dead in the eyes and say, "He had a bobble in his twizzle.  Only thing you can do now is drive it home."  Then walk away.

I had a bobble in my twizzle last week.  One of my first Sochi 2014 posts criticized the addition of Team Figure Skating and Snowboard Slopestyle to the 2014 Olympics.  I was mistaken, and now I am forced to drive it home.

Obviously, my biggest mistake was criticizing the event that gave me my newest favorite phrase.  Honestly, I can't wait for ME2K14 so I can use it on the golf course.  Again, possibilities are endless.  This phrase replaces my most recent newest favorite phrase, which was "Alright, alright, alright, alright" said with Matthew McConaughy's inflection and subtle southern accent, a la his acceptance speech at the Golden Globe Awards.  This had been my newest favorite phrase for about 2 days.  Tessa quickly replaced Matthew.

I also enjoyed the Team Figure Skating competition.  As stated last week, I do enjoy figure skating, but I thought this particular format was great.  I liked adding the pressure of competing with/for a team.  I liked taking some of the diva element out of the competition.  The diva element is when a skater finishes, gets flowers thrown at her, goes to the "kiss and cry" are and sits there with a giant stuffed animal, her coach and her trainer and waits for her scores.  In the team competition, she sat with her team.  They celebrated together.  They commiserated with each other.  They looked disappointed at the scores together.  I found this to be an excellent addition to the Olympics.  Perhaps we should just cut the individual competition now.

As for Slopestyle, well, how can we complain about an event that gave the US two gold medals.  Go Seth and Jamie.

I also had a bobble in my twizzle about this blog as a whole.  Keeping myself somewhat blacked out from the day's events while I waxed poetic about the competition and made bold and often correct predictions was not that difficult during the London Games in 2012.  Doing the same for Sochi is not easy.  In addition, the Summer Olympics occur during August, the dog days of baseball, when very little else is going on.  Ignoring my job, family and household obligations was the only real "sacrifice".  For the Winter Games, we have multiple children's sports, school, volunteer activities, etc. that, to a certain extent, must be addressed.  Dropping all of that for this blog is a bit above my pay scale.  I should try to do something about that.

So, my predictions may be a few days out.  They also probably won't be as good.  There are many reasons for that, but we'll get into that later, as well.

Reflections on What Has Happened (Focus for this will be on US sports and medals, but we will touch on other stuff as time permits)

1. Slopestyle Snowboard - Two golds, 'nuff said.

2.  Ole Einar Bjoerndalen wins gold in Men's 10K sprint Biathlon.  Bjoerndalen is a legend in this sport and tied the record for most career medals in the Winter Olympics.  He has several chances to break the record.  The biathlon was great theater.  Both Men's and Women's (7.5K) sprint races were competed at night under the lights.  There is athletic achievement and skill on display.  And the US commentator is perpetually on the brink of a heart attack, his excitement level is so high.  I don't think he would even notice if Tessa Virtue sat right beside him and started to drive home the bobble in her twizzle.  (Sorry, one last time.  Now it's retired to the sports use outlined above.)

3.  Luge and ski jumping are really cool in theory, and enjoyable to watch for about 4 minutes.  Then it is time to move on.

4.  Bode Miller's 8th place finish in the downhill shows how random that event can be.  2 miles in 2 minutes down an ic covered slope that the competitiors are fighting more than skiing.  It is exciting to watch, but there is no way to predict what will happen.  And can we stop talking 'bout practice?  Not the game, not the game, but practice.

5.  Why are the Dutch so good at speedskating?

6.  Why did they change the name of the Cross Country Skiing Pursuit to Skiathlon?  That's just dumb.

7.  One leg kick was the difference between gold and bronze for Hannah Kearney.  Olympic glory is a cruel mistress, indeed.  Kearney had the misfortune of being a heavy favorite coming in, not performing her best and still having to show graciousness in defeat, while obviously devastated.  That is a fine line to walk.  I thought she did it admirably.

8.  Opening Ceremonies - Not done watching, will report later.  I did enjoy my Volleball Insider relaying to me someone's suggestion that Shaun White's haircut makes him look like the Shermanator.  A suggestion that greatly dismayed The Wife.

Predictions Recap

1. US gets bronze in Men's hockey, gold in Women's. - Pending

2. Shaun White wins his 3rd gold medal. - Pending

3. Ashley Wagner shocks the world with a bronze. - Pending

4. Opening Ceremonies goes to commercial right after the delegation from Latvia enters the stadium. - WRONG!!  The Latvians were not cut off this year.  Scandal!

5. Mikaela Shiffrin becomes the darling of these games. - Pending, but Gracie Gold's performance in the Team competition suggest this may turn out incorrect.

6. US beats Russia in both total medals and golds. - Pending, but looking good so far.  Russia has finished 4th in 2 biathlon events.

7. Someone leaves the slope style course on a stretcher. - WRONG!! But Sarka Pancochova should have been.  If you break your helmet by crashing to the ground from a 30 foot fall, you need to be on a stretcher, not sliding your way to the finish.  What would Roger Goodell think?

8. I will watch more biathlon than anyone else in America. - Pending, but so far, so good.

9. Newfound US dominance in Nordic combined will continue. - Pending

10. Putin will be on TV more during these Olympics than Kate Middleton was in 2012. And that's a bad thing, because Kate is much more fun to look at, for everyone except my Baltic States Insider. - So far, so good.

11. One medal for US in Men's Snowboard Slopestyle, let's say bronze.  Correct and Wrong.  One medal, but GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDD!!!!  (I tried to do that in gold color, but it didn't come up well.)

12. Hannah Kearney gets gold in Women's Moguls.  WRONG!!  Bronze for the defending gold medal winner.

13. No other medals for US on Saturday.  Correct. Hannah and Seth were it for Saturday.

14. Ashley Wagner and Meryl Davis/Charlie White get US into top 5 for Team Figure Skating.  Correct.  And Gracie Gold, along with Meryl and Charlie got the US a bronze.

15. Bob Costas threatens to blow up the world unless he is given "One Mill-i-on Dollars."  WRONG!!  He's going with the Clark Kent/Superman thing, rather than the Dr. Evil thing.  A poor choice in my opinion. 

16. US Women beat Finland in hockey, 4-1.  WRONG!!  3-1 win.

Predictions

1.  US Women lose to the Swiss in curling.

2.  US medals in men's 1500 short track.

3.  No medal for US in men's 500 speedskating.

4.  US Women shock Russia in curling.

5.  US Men's curling defeats China.

6.  Vladimir Putin makes a move on Meryl Davis.

7.  Yulia Lipnistkaya gets confused for a lost child and almost misses the Women's Short Program.

What to Watch For

1.  Curling!!!!  If you are into that sort of thing, which I am.

2.  Short Track Speedskating begins.  Let the mushroom helmets emerge.

3.  Women's Super Combined - already happened, and I know the results (hence, no prediction), but it will be on tonight.  And skiing is always good TV.

4.  More skiing practice, if you are into that sort of thing.  AI and I are not.

Random Fact of the Day

Julia Macuso has 4 Olympic medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold.  Lindsay Vonn has 2 Olympic Medals in Alpine Skiing, including 1 gold.