Fat Old Man Update

During London 2012, I established various sections of this Blog.  We initially had "Reflections on What We Have Seen", "Predictions", "Predictions Wrap-Up" and "What to Watch For".  After the Olympics inspired me to exercise more, I added the "Fat Old Man Update".  This title seemed to make sense because, well, I am fat, I am old and I am a male over the age of 18, so technically I am a man.  Although some may argue I still have the mentality of a boy.  "Some" being the woman who sleeps next to me at night.

As we move forward, we will change these sections.  "Predictions" doesn't seem quite as relevant, because this will not be a day to day Blog discussing the events of a 17 day non-stop athletic competition.  "Predictions Wrap-up" probably goes too.  As does "Reflections on What We Have Seen".  I don't think I need to specify that I am reflecting on what I have seen, since the title of the Blog is "Observations of a Suburban Sports Dad."  I will give my NFL picks.  I will comment on life as a parent of growing and active children.  I will keep the "Fat Old Man Update."  "Some" would be unhappy if I stopped subjecting myself to public shame for being a slacker.

I wasn't always fat.  At one point in my life I was in excellent shape.  Years and years of swimming will do that.  If you want proof, look at Ryan Lochte...and every other male swimmer in the Olympics.  I am not comparing myself to Ryan Lochte, or anyone else who made the Olympics, but he is an example of the swimmer's body.  I was at least in the ballpark.  I didn't have women galore swooning over me and I never got to party with royalty, but I was in decent shape.  Upon seeing a picture of me in college a few years later a friend's girlfriend asked my Mother, "Who is that?"  When told it was me, she responded, "Wow, Dan was hot."  Was.  Thanks for the past tense.  That was 13 years ago.  Needless to say I have grown a bit more since then.

Another fun example of realizing I am not the potential sex symbol I once was also occurred about 12 years ago.  I went to watch a friend play in a volleyball tournament.  It was hot, and I have never been shy, so I took my shirt off.  Someone mentioned that I was looking a little plump.  I then noticed that the two chubbiest people in the group of spectators were the two who had been college athletes.  That was a touch depressing.

I think my experience as a college athlete is the primary reason I am now a fat old man.  I never learned to exercise for the sake of exercising.  I also never learned to self motivate.  All I had to do was show up at the pool at the designated time and someone else told me what to do.  I never understood the people who set aside their own time to go to the gym or go for a run instead of playing Sega Hockey.  Also, getting 2+ hours of high quality exercise everyday at the age of 20, give or take a couple years, allowed me to eat anything I wanted.  The days of a bag of Utz BBQ potato chips and a Coke for breakfast, followed by another Coke to wash it all down, are hard to let go of.  Even when such dietary habits just don't feel as good anymore.

Now, "Some" will tell you I am not fat.  "Some" will say I just have a little belly, not unlike many other people who recently crossed the threshhold of 40 years old.  But, according to to the National Institute of Health Body Mass Index Table, at 5'9" and about 205 lbs., I am not just overweight.  I am obese.  I am happy to admit my flaws, and I am definitely a bit chubby.  I will gladly joke about being a fat old man and admit that it is closer to reality in both size and age than I would like.  But even I think it is a little much to call me obese.  Of course, I have spent a great deal of time searching my walls and academic credentials and I still can't find that medical degree.  Someone thinks I am obese and that person knows more about it than I do.  It just makes me wonder what you call the people who are much larger than I am.  I thought obese was the pinnacle, the crest of Everest, the ultimate goal.  Maybe we should adopt Gabriel Iglesias's Five Levels of Fatness:  Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy and DAMN!

At a minimum (pun intended), I would prefer to avoid reaching DAMN! in my lifetime.  Hence, the Fat Old Man Update.  In the future, I will give more anecdotes (a la my comment about my ego forcing me to swim faster so people don't swim as fast as me) and less generic factual information (Swam 2000 meters Friday.)  I will continue to reveal my innermost secrets of exercise (or not), and hope that on more than one occassion, I will be motivated to do something simply because I don't want to have to admit to you that I sat on my butt, rather than go exercise.  On that note, it has not been a good exercise week.  I swam on Friday night, but have not entered a pool since.  I did clean a lot around the house and move some furniture, and I have been having some health issues, but a slacker I have been.  Vacation should be interesting.

As a parent, though, it is tough.  Between taking the kids to school, going to work, taking this kid to soccer practice and that one to swim practice, homework, bills, housework, yardwork, volunteer obligations, getting the baby (who is really almost three, but in our house we have "the boys" and "the baby") to bed at a reasonable time, getting the boys to bed at a reasonable time, spending quality time with the kids and occassionally paying attention to the wife, it is not easy to find time to exercise.  My wife read somewhere that parents should make a point of exercising, even if it takes them away from the kids, to show their children that exercise is important and to keep the parent healthy so the parent will be around longer in life.  I think that person just didn't like their kids and used exercise as an excuse to get away.  Either way, it works as an excuse.  It's for the children.

Those are the reasons I will be keeping the Fat Old Man Update.  And I am sure that in 12 months I will still be fat, I will still be old, and I will still be male.  But let's wait and see.

Things to Watch For:

I will also be keeping this section.  Here I will offer sports things to watch for on TV, things that are going on in my little suburban enclave, and hints as to future things you can find in this Blog.  Call it a teaser if you will.

1.  Summer Sports Summary - I will do this, but right now it looks like it won't happen until next summer.
2.  Vacation Review - Right now, watching potential hurricanes.
3.  Football starts - College and Pro.  Back by popular demand will be my NFL picks against the spread.
4.  Fall Sports begin - The call for more coaches has already been made.  Can I resist?  Will I?
5.  The reason I want to resist coaching.
6.  More wit and wisdom from yours truly.

My new favorite quote (This is a random section.  As I see things I just feel like commenting on, I will make up a section to bring it up):

"It seems to me first of all from what I understand from doctors that's really rare.  If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

You have to love the idiocy of this quote.  I won't even go into the difference between "legitimate" rape and "illegitimate" rape.  I want to focus on "shut[ting] that whole thing down."  I never learned about this magical power in sex education.  I taught a human sexuality class at my church this past year and never told the girls that they have the power to "shut that whole thing down."  Even the wording of it is just awesome.  The only problem is, as a parent, I now have a problem.  When I tell my kids to study so they can become a productive member of society how do I counter the argument that they don't need to study, because you can be a moron and run for the US Senate.