I am the youngest of 13 cousins on my mother's side. I have not spent a great deal of time with most of my cousins, due in part to age and in part to geography. Many of my cousins lived in Rhode Island for most of their young lives, while I spent the first 5 years of mine travelling the world as a Navy Brat, and the next 37 years rooted in Virginia, simply being a brat.
My most vivid memories of spending time with my cousins were at various weddings. As the youngest of 13, extending in age over at least 15 years, I started attending these weddings around the age of 10. Eventually, I became fairly popular, because I turned 16 and had a driver's license. Then my cousins enjoyed me as the designated driver, from weddings to after parties and then home. I didn't really mind being the designated driver at 16 or 17, because my parents were always around, so its not like I was going to be boozing it up at the wedding anyway. I got some great stories spending time with my older and somewhat less sober cousins, and their increasing number of spouses and significant others. This time period was perfect, because they were getting married and having fun, but not yet having children.
I can't say I received many pearls of wisdom during this time period. Most of the talk was humorous and drunken. However, one comment from a "cousin-in-law" when I was about 17 years has always stuck in my mind. I was probably entering my senior year of high school, so my cousins were interested in where I was planning to go to college. Most of them were finished with school, so I think they enjoyed seeing me in the joys of high school and I imagine I made some comments about looking forward to finishing high school and heading to college. It was then that my "cousin-in-law" said, "High school felt like it took 8 years, college felt like 6 months."
I don't know why that comment stuck with me. Probably because I didn't believe it at the time, and I can't say I feel like it is true. My high school experience was generally good, so I didn't feel like it dragged on too much and college didn't blow right by me. Maybe college felt like it lasted longer because I did three years of law school and didn't exactly stop living like a college kid for three more years. Regardless, I have always remembered the comment, but never put much stock in it.
And then 20 years later...
I attended my 20th reunion Homecoming at The College of William and Mary this past weekend. I have no idea how 20 years have passed. College may not have felt like 6 months, but the last 20 years certainly have not felt like 20 years. To think I have spent more of my life after college than I spent before college is a bit surreal.
I don't, however, want this to turn into a whiney, "Where did the time go?" look at the last 20 years. Or the last 42 for that matter. I enjoyed my 20th reunion Homecoming, and would rather remember the good times from this past weekend, and from 20 years ago.
The first thing I noticed was that the difference between college kids and recent graduates is indistinguishable to people like me. Many people, myself included, had buttons with their graduating year on them. These were quite helpful. However, it was a little disturbing to see a very young looking person wearing an '08 button. The fact that that person (who am I kidding? Those people) have been out of college for 6 years is almost as scary as the fact that I have been out for 20.
The second thing I noticed was that a lot of people from my class, and my era, were not there. I know we missed three soccer practices, one (two day) swim meet, three soccer games, a school party/fund-raiser and a campout to attend Homecoming this year. I imagine many other people were in the same situation and decided to miss Homecoming, rather than 20 other events for the kids. The Wife and I were glad for the break and happy that we didn't have to figure out how to manage all of the events that were planned for this past weekend.
The advantage of going to Homecoming for my 20th reunion is that many of the people there had children the same, or close to the same, age as mine. All three boys had a great time playing with new friends. They likely won't see these new friends again for several years, if ever, but for this weekend, it was fun to see the children of my friends become my children's friends.
Ultimately, though, it was great to see people I haven't seen in the last 6 months to 20 years. I admit I was a little apprehensive about Homecoming. Would I be nostalgic? Would it be weird? Would I realize that the people I was friends with in college have changed, or I have changed, and we don't have anything in common, or we just don't like each other anymore? I don't mean that as a bad thing. People change as they grow older and sometimes they just don't click like they used to. I saw that happen during four years of high school and four years of college. It is not a big jump to say that over 20 years, some of the people who were my friends just aren't my friends anymore.
What I learned was that the people I truly enjoyed 20 years ago, I still enjoy today. Maybe it is the shared experience of four years. I had two major influences on me in college: the swim team and my fraternity. I had close friends in both organizations, not one of whom overlapped. I enjoyed seeing friends from both. The people I really liked in college, I still really like today. The people who weren't that important then, still aren't today. Twenty years may have passed, but I apparently like the same people now as I did then.
Shortly after I graduated, I remember thinking about what I missed most. It was the closeness. My best friend lived in the same room as me. Other good friends were a walk down the hall, or a short trip across campus. People went to the same parties and the same delis (bars). Swimming friends were at swim practice, swim meets and swim events. No one was difficult to find or see or hang out with. After college, people went their own ways. Some of my closest friends lived with me, but others lived on the other side of the city, or the other side of the country. It wasn't as easy to find them, see them or hang out. When kids and family activities entered the picture, it became even harder. And to be honest, I don't try enough.
Maybe that is why I enjoyed this past weekend so much. For just a couple days, I had the closeness back. I ran into the same people in several different places, because we all went back to our old hang-outs. When trying to meet up with friends, no one was ever more than a few minutes away. Sure, kids and family and obligations got in the way a little, but it was easier to deal with because of the closeness. Everyone was easy to find, easy to see and easy to hang out with.
I won't be going back anytime soon. Kids activities and family obligations make it difficult at this point in my life. But the next time, most likely in 5 years, I won't be apprehensive. I am looking forward to going and I hope to see the same people, and perhaps a few more.
I try to keep things fairly anonymous in this blog. I won't mention anyone by name. Those of you who I enjoyed seeing and spending time with...you know who you are. Thank you. It was great to see you and re-live the old days for a short period.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
Not a Role Model
In 1992, Hall of Fame basketball player Charles Barkley and Nike released a controversial commercial which started with Barkley saying into the camera "I am not a role model." The commercial was controversial, because athletes are role models whether they want to be or not. However, Barkley was making a point that the people criticizing the commercial either missed (which I doubt) or ignored (more likely). He shouldn't be a role model. This point is made clear by the last line in the commercial, "Just because I dunk a basketball, doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
I thought of this commercial in the midst of the Ray Rice/NFL scandal. In case anyone reading this doesn't know what I am talking about, Ray Rice is an NFL running back who knocked his fiancée out with a left hook to the face in an elevator in Atlantic City. He then dragged her body partially out of the elevator, like a caveman. He also kind of kick-pushed her body with his foot, to move it around a little. Hard as it may be to believe, the video of this scene is more disturbing than my brief description.
The NFL took five months to punish him and gave him a 2 game suspension. The NFL was widely criticized for the leniency of the punishment and reacted by creating a "domestic abuse" policy. Under the NFL's new "domestic abuse" policy, a player is suspended for 6 games after the first incident, and banned after a second incident. Rice was exempt from this policy, because he had already been "punished" for his actions.
Two months after Rice was "punished" a new video from the elevator, showing Rice punching his fiancée, was released. Prior to this, the only video available was outside the elevator, showing Rice dragging her lifeless body and giving her the aforementioned kick-push. The new video showed the punch. The NFL reacted by re-opening his case and banning him from the NFL. The Ravens cut him. His fiancée criticized the media for messing with their lives to create "ratings". Roger Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, began spin control, rather unsuccessfully, I might add.
In the last two days, it is clear that the NFL as an organization, and Goodell specifically, handled this poorly. That is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that the NFL willfully ignored all the evidence to give Rice a short suspension then lied through their teeth when the second video was released and are now trying to make this all go away with a phony investigation by a former FBI Director who works for a law firm that does a lot of business with the NFL. I have read and heard multiple calls for Goodell to resign or be fired.
I do not plan to go too deep into the Ray Rice situation or Roger Goodell's job. I have discussed this a few times with The Wife and ultimately called it a minefield. I prefer not to misstep and blow up. I have no job to lose and no reputation to tarnish, but I don't find this situation easy or straight forward. This is a mess. I gave the background, because the situation raises a number of interesting questions related to sports, athletes and kids.
In the midst of this whirlwind, the Baltimore Ravens, Ray Rice's former team, played a nationally televised Thursday night game on the NFL network. You really can't make this stuff up. The stories from that game this morning included coverage of the games and coverage of the number of fans wearing Ray Rice jerseys in the stands. According to reports I read, some of the fans are conflicted, some support the Ravens and many support Rice. The fans wearing the Rice jerseys were not limited to men, many women supported Rice as well. When I say support, I don't mean they think he didn't do it or that he was right, but that he didn't deserve to be cut or banned from the league. That the punishment from the NFL was too much.
This is where Charles Barkley comes into the picture. "I am not a role model." I love Barkley and I loved that commercial when it came out. It seemed so simple. Athletes are athletes. They are physical freaks who can do things very few people in the world can do. A professional offensive lineman is a 320 pound (or more) boulder that can run faster than you. A professional basketball player is a 6' 10" wall of muscle who has more coordination than your average ballerina and can jump into the ceiling. An Olympic swimmer can move faster in the water than many people can move on land. (OK, maybe that one is exaggerated a bit). However, outside the game arena, they are people, and some of them aren't very nice people or good people.
Sports are a distraction. At this point, they are a multi-billion dollar industry as well, but their purpose for the average person (fan) is to provide entertainment. Fans don't (usually) cheer for particular athletes because they are good people. They cheer for particular athletes because they are good athletes, usually from their favorite team. They don't stop cheering because someone does something wrong. They stop cheering when the athlete changes uniforms. It may be uncomfortable, but it is a fact.
If you ask me who my favorite athlete is, I am not sure what I would say. If you ask me who my top 10 favorite athletes over the last 25 years have been, I would include Lance Armstrong and Michael Irvin on that list. Lance Armstrong is one of the most disgraced athletes of the last half century. Michael Irvin was a cocaine sniffing, prostitute chasing, fur wearing blowhard. I loved them both. I still have a framed picture of Irvin hanging in my study. Why? Because I never admired Irvin for his character, I admired him for his ability to get open, catch the ball and score touchdowns. I read fairly early in Armstrong's career that he was a complete ass-hole. That was long before the lies and drug use were confirmed, even by him. However, he gave me 7 years of joy, dominating the Tour de France. Some of the things he did on his bike were complete ass-hole moves (staring at Jan Ullrich before dropping him on L'Alpe d'Huez, for example), but I even enjoyed those. Why? Because I admired Armstrong the bike rider, not Armstrong the person.
Armstrong is an interesting case because he did a great deal of good, but he also very clearly demonstrates Barkley's point. You have no idea what athletes are really like. Middle loves LeBron James. From most of what I have heard, LeBron is good guy, a family man and has no skeletons in his closet. However, I have heard one local Washington reporter who says the public persona is all fake and LeBron is a big jerk. I have no idea what he is really like. I make sure not to say really good things or really bad things about LeBron to Middle and I have tried to make Middle understand that he can admire LeBron the basketball player and not worry about LeBron the person.
Of course, this is nearly impossible to do, both for the athlete and the person. Barkley was right, just because he can dunk a basketball, doesn't mean he should raise my kids. However, he was wrong. Athletes are role models. They are role models to children who want to be athletes, or who want to be rich, or who want to imagine a life better than what they have right now. As Ryan Bingham, played by George Clooney, said in Up In the Air, "kids love [athletes] because they follow their dreams." Athletes are role models, because they are living a dream. Children are always going to look up to that.
I realize this a rather unsatisfying conclusion. Athletes shouldn't be role models, but they are. Even the ones who you think are good role models (Ray Rice was seen as one of the good guys according to most articles before this incident), have the potential to fall hard and crush a child's love. There is no good answer. In an ideal world, world class athletic ability would come with impeccable character. Unfortunately, we live in the real world, where the exact opposite is sometimes true. Maybe for a parent, that is the only lesson you can hope your children learn. Or maybe it is time for Barkley to instill some more wisdom on us.
I thought of this commercial in the midst of the Ray Rice/NFL scandal. In case anyone reading this doesn't know what I am talking about, Ray Rice is an NFL running back who knocked his fiancée out with a left hook to the face in an elevator in Atlantic City. He then dragged her body partially out of the elevator, like a caveman. He also kind of kick-pushed her body with his foot, to move it around a little. Hard as it may be to believe, the video of this scene is more disturbing than my brief description.
The NFL took five months to punish him and gave him a 2 game suspension. The NFL was widely criticized for the leniency of the punishment and reacted by creating a "domestic abuse" policy. Under the NFL's new "domestic abuse" policy, a player is suspended for 6 games after the first incident, and banned after a second incident. Rice was exempt from this policy, because he had already been "punished" for his actions.
Two months after Rice was "punished" a new video from the elevator, showing Rice punching his fiancée, was released. Prior to this, the only video available was outside the elevator, showing Rice dragging her lifeless body and giving her the aforementioned kick-push. The new video showed the punch. The NFL reacted by re-opening his case and banning him from the NFL. The Ravens cut him. His fiancée criticized the media for messing with their lives to create "ratings". Roger Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, began spin control, rather unsuccessfully, I might add.
In the last two days, it is clear that the NFL as an organization, and Goodell specifically, handled this poorly. That is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is that the NFL willfully ignored all the evidence to give Rice a short suspension then lied through their teeth when the second video was released and are now trying to make this all go away with a phony investigation by a former FBI Director who works for a law firm that does a lot of business with the NFL. I have read and heard multiple calls for Goodell to resign or be fired.
I do not plan to go too deep into the Ray Rice situation or Roger Goodell's job. I have discussed this a few times with The Wife and ultimately called it a minefield. I prefer not to misstep and blow up. I have no job to lose and no reputation to tarnish, but I don't find this situation easy or straight forward. This is a mess. I gave the background, because the situation raises a number of interesting questions related to sports, athletes and kids.
In the midst of this whirlwind, the Baltimore Ravens, Ray Rice's former team, played a nationally televised Thursday night game on the NFL network. You really can't make this stuff up. The stories from that game this morning included coverage of the games and coverage of the number of fans wearing Ray Rice jerseys in the stands. According to reports I read, some of the fans are conflicted, some support the Ravens and many support Rice. The fans wearing the Rice jerseys were not limited to men, many women supported Rice as well. When I say support, I don't mean they think he didn't do it or that he was right, but that he didn't deserve to be cut or banned from the league. That the punishment from the NFL was too much.
This is where Charles Barkley comes into the picture. "I am not a role model." I love Barkley and I loved that commercial when it came out. It seemed so simple. Athletes are athletes. They are physical freaks who can do things very few people in the world can do. A professional offensive lineman is a 320 pound (or more) boulder that can run faster than you. A professional basketball player is a 6' 10" wall of muscle who has more coordination than your average ballerina and can jump into the ceiling. An Olympic swimmer can move faster in the water than many people can move on land. (OK, maybe that one is exaggerated a bit). However, outside the game arena, they are people, and some of them aren't very nice people or good people.
Sports are a distraction. At this point, they are a multi-billion dollar industry as well, but their purpose for the average person (fan) is to provide entertainment. Fans don't (usually) cheer for particular athletes because they are good people. They cheer for particular athletes because they are good athletes, usually from their favorite team. They don't stop cheering because someone does something wrong. They stop cheering when the athlete changes uniforms. It may be uncomfortable, but it is a fact.
If you ask me who my favorite athlete is, I am not sure what I would say. If you ask me who my top 10 favorite athletes over the last 25 years have been, I would include Lance Armstrong and Michael Irvin on that list. Lance Armstrong is one of the most disgraced athletes of the last half century. Michael Irvin was a cocaine sniffing, prostitute chasing, fur wearing blowhard. I loved them both. I still have a framed picture of Irvin hanging in my study. Why? Because I never admired Irvin for his character, I admired him for his ability to get open, catch the ball and score touchdowns. I read fairly early in Armstrong's career that he was a complete ass-hole. That was long before the lies and drug use were confirmed, even by him. However, he gave me 7 years of joy, dominating the Tour de France. Some of the things he did on his bike were complete ass-hole moves (staring at Jan Ullrich before dropping him on L'Alpe d'Huez, for example), but I even enjoyed those. Why? Because I admired Armstrong the bike rider, not Armstrong the person.
Armstrong is an interesting case because he did a great deal of good, but he also very clearly demonstrates Barkley's point. You have no idea what athletes are really like. Middle loves LeBron James. From most of what I have heard, LeBron is good guy, a family man and has no skeletons in his closet. However, I have heard one local Washington reporter who says the public persona is all fake and LeBron is a big jerk. I have no idea what he is really like. I make sure not to say really good things or really bad things about LeBron to Middle and I have tried to make Middle understand that he can admire LeBron the basketball player and not worry about LeBron the person.
Of course, this is nearly impossible to do, both for the athlete and the person. Barkley was right, just because he can dunk a basketball, doesn't mean he should raise my kids. However, he was wrong. Athletes are role models. They are role models to children who want to be athletes, or who want to be rich, or who want to imagine a life better than what they have right now. As Ryan Bingham, played by George Clooney, said in Up In the Air, "kids love [athletes] because they follow their dreams." Athletes are role models, because they are living a dream. Children are always going to look up to that.
I realize this a rather unsatisfying conclusion. Athletes shouldn't be role models, but they are. Even the ones who you think are good role models (Ray Rice was seen as one of the good guys according to most articles before this incident), have the potential to fall hard and crush a child's love. There is no good answer. In an ideal world, world class athletic ability would come with impeccable character. Unfortunately, we live in the real world, where the exact opposite is sometimes true. Maybe for a parent, that is the only lesson you can hope your children learn. Or maybe it is time for Barkley to instill some more wisdom on us.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Ice Bucket Challenge
What in the world does dumping a bucket of ice water over your head have to do with ALS?
Absolutely nothing. But at the same time, a whole heck of a lot.
Like just about everyone else in America who has ever joined and occasionally visited a social media website, I have watched many people dump buckets of ice water over their heads in the last couple of weeks. Initially, I watched with passing interest...there's so and so from my fraternity... there's whatshisname who I swam with...there's whoseewasit from high school...hey look, they are now having their kids do it. I started to see some celebrities do it, most notably LeBron. LeBron is notable, because Middle loves him more than he loves his own mother. While going through YouTube on the TV to show Middle LeBron's ice bucket dump, I found the top 10 celebrity ice bucket challenges. The best, by far, is Paul Bissonette, who was doused by glacier water on top of a mountain.
The ice bucket challenge has taken America by storm. Well, at least in social media. A Google search for "celebrity ice bucket challenge" yields 54,200,000 results. The top results are traditional news sources, such as USA Today and Time, entertainment news sources, such as Entertainment Tonight and internet news sights, such as BuzzFeed. Celebrities who have participated include politicians, such as Chris Christie, numerous athletes (LeBron, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning and Christiano Ronaldo, just to name a few), actors, singers, the 1% (Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg), groups, teams, cheerleaders, news anchors (Matt Lauer), media moguls (Oprah Winfrey) and just about every level of celebrity from A to Z. This is in addition to the many friends and family of just about everyone. My 8 year old niece did hers yesterday, although her older brother missed the water dump, so she had to do it twice. O4C posted a news article on FaceBook that appears to say Lithuanians are doing it, although I can't be sure, because the article was in Lithuanian.
The methods are as diverse as the people doing the challenge. Many go for the solo dump. Just as many have someone do it for them. I enjoyed the William and Mary volleyball team, who had the water dumped on them, as a group huddled together, from a landing, 20 feet up. Watching multiple people do it to each other all at once is entertaining. I have seen people do it in pools, at the beach, fully clothed, mostly naked, on a boat, sitting and standing. I have seen complete misses, near misses and direct hits. Chris Carter missed his head and hit Chris Berman. I guess you could call that collateral damage, if Berman wasn't already wet, because he knows how to dump a bucket of water over his own head without missing. I guess that's why Carter was a receiver and not a quarterback. The best, Paul Bissonette, was mentioned above.
As I slowly watched this phenomenon I noticed that it seemed to be stalking me, like a tiger, sneaking up on a zebra. Slowly but surely, the people who were doing the challenge were moving from people I knew 20 years ago, to people I know now, to people I see on a fairly regular basis, to close friends. The closer that wave gets to you, the more likely you are to get wet.
Add to this, the desperation of Middle to participate. All day Sunday he kept asking questions about the ice bucket challenge. "Dad, do you want to do the ice bucket challenge?" "Dad, do you want me to do the ice bucket challenge?" "Who wants to see me dump a bucket of ice over my head?" "How cold do you think the water is?" "Do you want to nominate me for the ice bucket challenge?" Will you nominate me for the ice bucket challenge?" "How do you get nominated?" "When do you want me to do it?"
I got to the point that I almost, and I stress the word "almost", wanted to get challenged, just so I could make Middle do it to. Middle was so persistent and desperate, Youngest also wants to do the challenge. Eldest has reached the point where he realizes dumping a bucket of cold water over your head might not be that much fun. He wants nothing to do with it.
So, it was with mild trepidation, but a little relief, that I saw a FaceBook notice yesterday afternoon, a day I knew my oldest and dearest friend was fulfilling her challenge. Sure enough, I had been challenged, which at least means that Middle gets to dump a bucket of ice water over his head.
On SportsCenter this morning, I saw a report on the beginning of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. The report stated that this trend began with a former Boston College baseball player named Pete Frates. Frates has been diagnosed with ALS and is currently confined to a wheelchair. Frates is credited with creating the challenge, along with friend and fellow ALS patient, Pat Quinn. The purpose of the challenge is to raise awareness and money to support research into ALS and hopefully find a cure.
Today, on FaceBook, I saw an article from Slate.com, criticizing the Challenge, and those participating. The main point of the article is that people are spending money on ice, rather than on ALS research. The writer proposes that people should not buy ice, they should not fill a bucket with water and the ice and they should just give money. The writer presumes that the people participating in the challenge are doing it simply to show off and do not care in any way about ALS or people suffering from ALS. The article criticizes the ice bucket videos for not giving any substantive information about ALS, why the money is needed or what it will do. Of course, the author fails to give any of this information himself, while suggesting that people give money and not make a video.
The irony of this article is that the evidence to destroy the writers point is in the article itself. The ALS Association raised $1.35 million in the two weeks before the article was written, as compared to $22,000.00 during the same period last year. Read that again. It sounds to me like a lot of people are donating their "hard-earned cash" money, as well as time to make videos and gather FaceBook "likes". The ALS Association website, http://alsa.org/, currently advertises the challenge prominently. Perhaps this writer should recognize that a disease like ALS, as well as any other charitable organization, needs all the publicity it can get and that a social media craze is going to raise awareness in ways that the organization couldn't do in 10 years without blowing almost every dollar they collect. It is obvious that many more people are giving to ALSA this year than ever and the reason is this challenge. Sure, many of them may not be giving money, but donations are breaking records. Why complain? Especially when you consider that almost all of the people dumping ice water over their heads weren't going to give to ALS this year and probably didn't deduct $5.00 from their donation to cover the cost of ice. Not that I think most of them bought the ice anyway.
ALS is a devastating disease. Getting funding for ALS must be difficult, because there are no success stories. You can't point to someone who lived, or even fought the good fight. People get it, they get worse and then they die. There is no cure. There is no treatment. Cancer has success stories. Breast cancer has fun bumper stickers (SAVE THE TA-TAS). MS is debilitating, but not fatal. There are tons of diseases out there making people suffer and killing people. There are tons of organizations trying to find cures or treatments, or simply make life a little better for the people suffering and their families. They are all fighting for money, often the same money. Raising awareness means getting the word out that money is needed. The people suffering from this disease don't care if donors know what the disease does or why the money is needed. They only care if a cure is going to be found. They don't care how or why. They don't care why anyone donated, only that they donated.
With this in mind, today, I will accept the challenge. I will dump a bucket of ice water over my head, with Middle and Youngest by my side. I will also donate to ALS and another charity. It is the least I can do.
Oh, and thanks, Laura.
Absolutely nothing. But at the same time, a whole heck of a lot.
Like just about everyone else in America who has ever joined and occasionally visited a social media website, I have watched many people dump buckets of ice water over their heads in the last couple of weeks. Initially, I watched with passing interest...there's so and so from my fraternity... there's whatshisname who I swam with...there's whoseewasit from high school...hey look, they are now having their kids do it. I started to see some celebrities do it, most notably LeBron. LeBron is notable, because Middle loves him more than he loves his own mother. While going through YouTube on the TV to show Middle LeBron's ice bucket dump, I found the top 10 celebrity ice bucket challenges. The best, by far, is Paul Bissonette, who was doused by glacier water on top of a mountain.
The ice bucket challenge has taken America by storm. Well, at least in social media. A Google search for "celebrity ice bucket challenge" yields 54,200,000 results. The top results are traditional news sources, such as USA Today and Time, entertainment news sources, such as Entertainment Tonight and internet news sights, such as BuzzFeed. Celebrities who have participated include politicians, such as Chris Christie, numerous athletes (LeBron, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning and Christiano Ronaldo, just to name a few), actors, singers, the 1% (Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg), groups, teams, cheerleaders, news anchors (Matt Lauer), media moguls (Oprah Winfrey) and just about every level of celebrity from A to Z. This is in addition to the many friends and family of just about everyone. My 8 year old niece did hers yesterday, although her older brother missed the water dump, so she had to do it twice. O4C posted a news article on FaceBook that appears to say Lithuanians are doing it, although I can't be sure, because the article was in Lithuanian.
The methods are as diverse as the people doing the challenge. Many go for the solo dump. Just as many have someone do it for them. I enjoyed the William and Mary volleyball team, who had the water dumped on them, as a group huddled together, from a landing, 20 feet up. Watching multiple people do it to each other all at once is entertaining. I have seen people do it in pools, at the beach, fully clothed, mostly naked, on a boat, sitting and standing. I have seen complete misses, near misses and direct hits. Chris Carter missed his head and hit Chris Berman. I guess you could call that collateral damage, if Berman wasn't already wet, because he knows how to dump a bucket of water over his own head without missing. I guess that's why Carter was a receiver and not a quarterback. The best, Paul Bissonette, was mentioned above.
As I slowly watched this phenomenon I noticed that it seemed to be stalking me, like a tiger, sneaking up on a zebra. Slowly but surely, the people who were doing the challenge were moving from people I knew 20 years ago, to people I know now, to people I see on a fairly regular basis, to close friends. The closer that wave gets to you, the more likely you are to get wet.
Add to this, the desperation of Middle to participate. All day Sunday he kept asking questions about the ice bucket challenge. "Dad, do you want to do the ice bucket challenge?" "Dad, do you want me to do the ice bucket challenge?" "Who wants to see me dump a bucket of ice over my head?" "How cold do you think the water is?" "Do you want to nominate me for the ice bucket challenge?" Will you nominate me for the ice bucket challenge?" "How do you get nominated?" "When do you want me to do it?"
I got to the point that I almost, and I stress the word "almost", wanted to get challenged, just so I could make Middle do it to. Middle was so persistent and desperate, Youngest also wants to do the challenge. Eldest has reached the point where he realizes dumping a bucket of cold water over your head might not be that much fun. He wants nothing to do with it.
So, it was with mild trepidation, but a little relief, that I saw a FaceBook notice yesterday afternoon, a day I knew my oldest and dearest friend was fulfilling her challenge. Sure enough, I had been challenged, which at least means that Middle gets to dump a bucket of ice water over his head.
On SportsCenter this morning, I saw a report on the beginning of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. The report stated that this trend began with a former Boston College baseball player named Pete Frates. Frates has been diagnosed with ALS and is currently confined to a wheelchair. Frates is credited with creating the challenge, along with friend and fellow ALS patient, Pat Quinn. The purpose of the challenge is to raise awareness and money to support research into ALS and hopefully find a cure.
Today, on FaceBook, I saw an article from Slate.com, criticizing the Challenge, and those participating. The main point of the article is that people are spending money on ice, rather than on ALS research. The writer proposes that people should not buy ice, they should not fill a bucket with water and the ice and they should just give money. The writer presumes that the people participating in the challenge are doing it simply to show off and do not care in any way about ALS or people suffering from ALS. The article criticizes the ice bucket videos for not giving any substantive information about ALS, why the money is needed or what it will do. Of course, the author fails to give any of this information himself, while suggesting that people give money and not make a video.
The irony of this article is that the evidence to destroy the writers point is in the article itself. The ALS Association raised $1.35 million in the two weeks before the article was written, as compared to $22,000.00 during the same period last year. Read that again. It sounds to me like a lot of people are donating their "hard-earned cash" money, as well as time to make videos and gather FaceBook "likes". The ALS Association website, http://alsa.org/, currently advertises the challenge prominently. Perhaps this writer should recognize that a disease like ALS, as well as any other charitable organization, needs all the publicity it can get and that a social media craze is going to raise awareness in ways that the organization couldn't do in 10 years without blowing almost every dollar they collect. It is obvious that many more people are giving to ALSA this year than ever and the reason is this challenge. Sure, many of them may not be giving money, but donations are breaking records. Why complain? Especially when you consider that almost all of the people dumping ice water over their heads weren't going to give to ALS this year and probably didn't deduct $5.00 from their donation to cover the cost of ice. Not that I think most of them bought the ice anyway.
ALS is a devastating disease. Getting funding for ALS must be difficult, because there are no success stories. You can't point to someone who lived, or even fought the good fight. People get it, they get worse and then they die. There is no cure. There is no treatment. Cancer has success stories. Breast cancer has fun bumper stickers (SAVE THE TA-TAS). MS is debilitating, but not fatal. There are tons of diseases out there making people suffer and killing people. There are tons of organizations trying to find cures or treatments, or simply make life a little better for the people suffering and their families. They are all fighting for money, often the same money. Raising awareness means getting the word out that money is needed. The people suffering from this disease don't care if donors know what the disease does or why the money is needed. They only care if a cure is going to be found. They don't care how or why. They don't care why anyone donated, only that they donated.
With this in mind, today, I will accept the challenge. I will dump a bucket of ice water over my head, with Middle and Youngest by my side. I will also donate to ALS and another charity. It is the least I can do.
Oh, and thanks, Laura.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Kill the Family Tour 2014 - Part 2
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I apologize for resorting to a cliché, but given the name of our summer this year, it seemed appropriate. Sam Seaborn, the fictional speechwriter on the television show, The West Wing played by Rob Lowe, once said, "Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers outright steal from them." Or something to that effect. I know not whether I am a good writer, a great writer or just a writer. I do borrow things from others, and from time to time I suppose I could be accused of stealing. One could argue I borrowed from the great philosopher, Yoda, with the beginning of that last sentence. For this post, I will be borrowing quotes and at least one cliché, not necessarily from great writers, but from whatever has inspired me the last couple of days.
So, to begin again:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Despite the title, Kill the Family Tour 2014, we did not kill the family. We did not even kill one member of the family. The closest we came was after the Tour split into subset tours, Kill the Lithuanian (and Mom) and Rest the Boys, when Middle toppled off his bed and landed in the emergency room. This injury was unrelated to the Tour, but it did occur before the official end, so we will claim it. At various times during the summer Youngest seemed on the verge of either completely breaking down or taking out another family member in a homicidal rage brought on by sleep deprivation; Eldest looked like the walking dead; Middle seemed determined to prove he has stamina that exceeds that of a truly great Tour de France rider; and O4C looked like she just might regret taking this on, but we survived.
We did not kill the family. We made it stronger.
There were various risks with our summer experiment this year. First and foremost, The Wife was the only person who met O4C, and that was about 14 years ago. We had no idea if she was qualified for the position of "summer nanny" or, even if qualified, she had any idea what she was getting herself into. Babysitting is one thing. A full time job, babysitting our three boys, all day, every weekday, is a somewhat different experience. In addition, we had had great experiences with our "summer nannies" the last two summers, experiences which most likely could have been repeated. So, we were passing up a very good thing.
Second, and most importantly, O4C was going to be living in our home. This was not just an "employee". We were adding a family member. If this didn't work out, on a professional or personal level, we would have been in trouble. From her side of things, if she didn't like us, or the boys, or the job, or America, she was stuck in a miserable situation for six weeks. I have limited experience with teenage girls, but after this summer, I at least have some. I can tell you, I have no desire to spend six weeks stuck in a house with a miserable teenage girl. This would be its own special level of Hell I am certain even Dante couldn't imagine.
However, as they say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." We took on these risks and were rewarded with a bigger, stronger family. Despite several joking comments to the contrary, I did not gain a daughter this summer. As I have said in a previous post, she was more like a niece to The Wife and I. We didn't have to "parent" her. We had a fantastic summer. We grew our family by one. The boys gained a sister. O4C gained three brothers.
The image of this is shown in two pictures, both on a bench outside Baskin Robbins. The first was taken on O4C's first Saturday night in America. All four of them sat on that bench next to each other and smiled. The picture looks orderly. Youngest is making a goofy face, but otherwise, it is four people, enjoying ice cream, on a bench. The second picture was taken on O4C's last Friday night in America. They are on the exact same bench. However, this picture is not orderly. They are climbing all over each other. They are a mess. In the first picture, they took up the whole bench, with noticeable space between each person. In the second picture, the boys are on O4C like they are climbing a mountain, and they barely used half the bench. No need for space, they needed to be close. As O4C's Lithuanian Mother put it, "Time flies...love grows." O4C posted this second picture on Facebook with the comment, "Be jealous. I have the best brothers in the world."
Sometimes it makes me sad, though... Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend. - The Shawshank Redemption
Yes, this is melodramatic, and does not perfectly apply. O4C was not caged in our house and we did not rejoice at her flying away. However, this quote found itself in my head the night she left.
I have always loved the movie, The Shawshank Redemption, and this quote in particular. It's the last sentence that gets me. "I guess I just miss my friend." I imagine Red trying to justify his feelings. Andy didn't belong in prison. It was a sin to lock him up. His feathers are too bright. Ultimately, though, Red confronts his true thought, his true feelings. He misses his friend. There are no philosophical justifications, just pure human emotion. One person missing another.
We can do the same thing with our family. O4C needed to go back to her home, to her family, to her friends. We definitely needed a break from the pace we were holding all summer. We need sleep, we need normalcy. The Boys need to go back to school in a few weeks. The house needs to be cleaned badly. However, I think this quote found its way into my head for one simple reason. We just miss her. We can try to justify things any way we want. We can't get away from the human emotion.
And just like that, she was gone. - Forrest Gump
Again, not exactly perfect. Jenny kept coming into Forrest's life, then leaving suddenly. We knew when O4C was leaving even before she arrived. However, it feels sudden because it all happened so fast. Summer is a whirlwind anyway, but you add a new family member and 6 weeks worth of extra activities, and it flies by even quicker. Her last day with us, she and The Wife returned from New York, she packed, we ate dinner, several people cried, and she left. Just like that, she was gone.
Before O4C left, we asked the Boys if they wanted her to come back. Eldest, who was the most excited to meet her and bonded with her the quickest, immediately said "yes". Middle responded with a fairly nonchalant "yes", as only Middle can. Youngest defiantly said "no" and maintained his position. As she and The Wife drove off to the airport, Youngest started to freak out. He was yelling at me, "I didn't want her to go!" I think he demonstrated the suddenness of her leaving. She was always there, and then, just like that, she was gone. Up to that point, it didn't feel real to any of us. She had become a permanent member of the family. And just like that, she was gone.
The next night, I went to the basement to play Wii. O4C lived in the basement during her time with us and, in a most likely over-sensitive effort to not invade the personal space of a 16 year old girl, I spent very little time there. After she left, I looked forward to some mindless Mario time. I put the boys to bed and headed down to play. As I walked through the basement, the large purple suitcase that had been sitting next to the bed for 6 weeks was gone. Her tablet was not sitting on the table. The bed was made, and nothing was on top of it. The basement felt empty.
I played that night, but with a very heavy heart. The basement felt incomplete. Our family feels incomplete. In a way, our lives feel incomplete.
Last night, after walking past the bathroom and ignoring the towels hanging there for two days, I finally took them to the laundry room to be washed. This was my symbolic acceptance that she's gone. As long as those towels hung in the basement, part of her was still here. Just like Youngest, "I didn't want her to go."
Using movie quotes in this post is fitting, because our summer was much like the plot of a summer comedy movie. What happens when you thrust a 16 year old girl into a family of boys for the summer? Introduction, build up, adventure, hijinks and a good-bye. Of course, the movie ends. There is no next day. There are no towels to be washed. The suitcase doesn't disappear.
Sometimes, it makes me sad. I have to remind myself, we lived our movie. We are better and stronger for it. We are a family of six now. We not only gained a new family member for us, I feel like we gained a new family. The Wife was able to reconnect with an old friend. Hopefully, we will have a lifetime of trips to spend with O4C and her family. We did what we set out to do. All of our children had a wonderful summer. Part me rejoices at an overwhelmingly successful experiment...I guess I just miss my daughter.
I apologize for resorting to a cliché, but given the name of our summer this year, it seemed appropriate. Sam Seaborn, the fictional speechwriter on the television show, The West Wing played by Rob Lowe, once said, "Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers outright steal from them." Or something to that effect. I know not whether I am a good writer, a great writer or just a writer. I do borrow things from others, and from time to time I suppose I could be accused of stealing. One could argue I borrowed from the great philosopher, Yoda, with the beginning of that last sentence. For this post, I will be borrowing quotes and at least one cliché, not necessarily from great writers, but from whatever has inspired me the last couple of days.
So, to begin again:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Despite the title, Kill the Family Tour 2014, we did not kill the family. We did not even kill one member of the family. The closest we came was after the Tour split into subset tours, Kill the Lithuanian (and Mom) and Rest the Boys, when Middle toppled off his bed and landed in the emergency room. This injury was unrelated to the Tour, but it did occur before the official end, so we will claim it. At various times during the summer Youngest seemed on the verge of either completely breaking down or taking out another family member in a homicidal rage brought on by sleep deprivation; Eldest looked like the walking dead; Middle seemed determined to prove he has stamina that exceeds that of a truly great Tour de France rider; and O4C looked like she just might regret taking this on, but we survived.
We did not kill the family. We made it stronger.
There were various risks with our summer experiment this year. First and foremost, The Wife was the only person who met O4C, and that was about 14 years ago. We had no idea if she was qualified for the position of "summer nanny" or, even if qualified, she had any idea what she was getting herself into. Babysitting is one thing. A full time job, babysitting our three boys, all day, every weekday, is a somewhat different experience. In addition, we had had great experiences with our "summer nannies" the last two summers, experiences which most likely could have been repeated. So, we were passing up a very good thing.
Second, and most importantly, O4C was going to be living in our home. This was not just an "employee". We were adding a family member. If this didn't work out, on a professional or personal level, we would have been in trouble. From her side of things, if she didn't like us, or the boys, or the job, or America, she was stuck in a miserable situation for six weeks. I have limited experience with teenage girls, but after this summer, I at least have some. I can tell you, I have no desire to spend six weeks stuck in a house with a miserable teenage girl. This would be its own special level of Hell I am certain even Dante couldn't imagine.
However, as they say, "nothing ventured, nothing gained." We took on these risks and were rewarded with a bigger, stronger family. Despite several joking comments to the contrary, I did not gain a daughter this summer. As I have said in a previous post, she was more like a niece to The Wife and I. We didn't have to "parent" her. We had a fantastic summer. We grew our family by one. The boys gained a sister. O4C gained three brothers.
The image of this is shown in two pictures, both on a bench outside Baskin Robbins. The first was taken on O4C's first Saturday night in America. All four of them sat on that bench next to each other and smiled. The picture looks orderly. Youngest is making a goofy face, but otherwise, it is four people, enjoying ice cream, on a bench. The second picture was taken on O4C's last Friday night in America. They are on the exact same bench. However, this picture is not orderly. They are climbing all over each other. They are a mess. In the first picture, they took up the whole bench, with noticeable space between each person. In the second picture, the boys are on O4C like they are climbing a mountain, and they barely used half the bench. No need for space, they needed to be close. As O4C's Lithuanian Mother put it, "Time flies...love grows." O4C posted this second picture on Facebook with the comment, "Be jealous. I have the best brothers in the world."
Sometimes it makes me sad, though... Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend. - The Shawshank Redemption
Yes, this is melodramatic, and does not perfectly apply. O4C was not caged in our house and we did not rejoice at her flying away. However, this quote found itself in my head the night she left.
I have always loved the movie, The Shawshank Redemption, and this quote in particular. It's the last sentence that gets me. "I guess I just miss my friend." I imagine Red trying to justify his feelings. Andy didn't belong in prison. It was a sin to lock him up. His feathers are too bright. Ultimately, though, Red confronts his true thought, his true feelings. He misses his friend. There are no philosophical justifications, just pure human emotion. One person missing another.
We can do the same thing with our family. O4C needed to go back to her home, to her family, to her friends. We definitely needed a break from the pace we were holding all summer. We need sleep, we need normalcy. The Boys need to go back to school in a few weeks. The house needs to be cleaned badly. However, I think this quote found its way into my head for one simple reason. We just miss her. We can try to justify things any way we want. We can't get away from the human emotion.
And just like that, she was gone. - Forrest Gump
Again, not exactly perfect. Jenny kept coming into Forrest's life, then leaving suddenly. We knew when O4C was leaving even before she arrived. However, it feels sudden because it all happened so fast. Summer is a whirlwind anyway, but you add a new family member and 6 weeks worth of extra activities, and it flies by even quicker. Her last day with us, she and The Wife returned from New York, she packed, we ate dinner, several people cried, and she left. Just like that, she was gone.
Before O4C left, we asked the Boys if they wanted her to come back. Eldest, who was the most excited to meet her and bonded with her the quickest, immediately said "yes". Middle responded with a fairly nonchalant "yes", as only Middle can. Youngest defiantly said "no" and maintained his position. As she and The Wife drove off to the airport, Youngest started to freak out. He was yelling at me, "I didn't want her to go!" I think he demonstrated the suddenness of her leaving. She was always there, and then, just like that, she was gone. Up to that point, it didn't feel real to any of us. She had become a permanent member of the family. And just like that, she was gone.
The next night, I went to the basement to play Wii. O4C lived in the basement during her time with us and, in a most likely over-sensitive effort to not invade the personal space of a 16 year old girl, I spent very little time there. After she left, I looked forward to some mindless Mario time. I put the boys to bed and headed down to play. As I walked through the basement, the large purple suitcase that had been sitting next to the bed for 6 weeks was gone. Her tablet was not sitting on the table. The bed was made, and nothing was on top of it. The basement felt empty.
I played that night, but with a very heavy heart. The basement felt incomplete. Our family feels incomplete. In a way, our lives feel incomplete.
Last night, after walking past the bathroom and ignoring the towels hanging there for two days, I finally took them to the laundry room to be washed. This was my symbolic acceptance that she's gone. As long as those towels hung in the basement, part of her was still here. Just like Youngest, "I didn't want her to go."
Using movie quotes in this post is fitting, because our summer was much like the plot of a summer comedy movie. What happens when you thrust a 16 year old girl into a family of boys for the summer? Introduction, build up, adventure, hijinks and a good-bye. Of course, the movie ends. There is no next day. There are no towels to be washed. The suitcase doesn't disappear.
Sometimes, it makes me sad. I have to remind myself, we lived our movie. We are better and stronger for it. We are a family of six now. We not only gained a new family member for us, I feel like we gained a new family. The Wife was able to reconnect with an old friend. Hopefully, we will have a lifetime of trips to spend with O4C and her family. We did what we set out to do. All of our children had a wonderful summer. Part me rejoices at an overwhelmingly successful experiment...I guess I just miss my daughter.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Kill the Family Tour 2014 - Part 1
What do you get when you try to fit two years of tourist activities into six weeks while maintaining a normal life schedule? Kill the Family Tour 2014.
I started calling this summer Kill the Family Tour 2014 on our way home from Philadelphia several weeks ago, when three of our four children were passed out in the car, and the fourth was fighting it, because not being tired and not sleeping in the car is his "thing". I realized then that we were killing them, and we had barely started.
For those who haven't regularly read this blog (all but about 5 people), didn't get to follow the Kill the Family Tour 2014 on Facebook or don't have some other way of knowing what in the world I am talking about, I will start from the beginning.
Last year, we invited The Wife's God-Daughter from Lithuania to visit us for the 2014 summer, watch the boys, and see America. I came up with this idea because my parents did the same thing for a few of my cousins when I was a mere boy. My boys don't have any cousins of the right age, so we thought of The Wife's God-Daughter. She very enthusiastically accepted, bought a plane ticket and flew from Lithuania to Dulles, VA, by herself at the age of 16, just in time for school to end. Of course, due to the plethora of snow that fell on the DC Metropolitan area, school didn't end for another five days. That was fine, because she was able to ease her way into the summer.
Well, maybe not exactly "ease her way into the summer". She landed at about 4:00 on a Friday afternoon. After introductions to the family and a pizza dinner, she was awakened at 6 am to go to a swim meet, on a grey, drizzly day. In a way, this was the best introduction. The summer was going to be a whirlwind tour of swim meets, Chantilly teenagers, other kids, and whatever we could do between periodic bouts of passing out.
Notwithstanding the above, we did ease into the Kill the Family Tour. We started Sunday afternoon by playing mini-golf. Lithuania has no mini-golf courses, so this was Our 4th Child's (O4C) first introduction to mini-golf, or as I called it that day, "silly things Americans do to pass the time." She took right to it, finishing second in the family and scoring one hole-in-one, something an unnamed amateur blogger failed to do that day. I did, of course, win the game, though.
From mini-golf, we took off running. I won't go into everything, because I don't want to bore you too much, and I seriously doubt I remember everything, but we had some highlights. We tried to hit some of the big things you can do with a family of 4, in the mid-Atlantic area, while maintaining an insane summer swim schedule and not getting on an airplane. Our goal was to kill the family, and show O4C some of America.
O4C had three things she was told to do in America, go to a Starbucks (she did that several times), go to a library (hit that the first week), and go to the top of the tallest building in the city. Those Lithuanians certainly are a wild and crazy bunch. For our second weekend, we decided to go for the tallest building in the city. After a family birthday lunch for my sister-in-law, during which Middle kept running outside to watch the Mexico-Netherlands World Cup game, we headed to downtown DC and the Washington Monument.
That failed, miserably. To get tickets to go up the Washington Monument, you have to pick them up that morning, apparently at about 7 am. We were not going to go to DC at 7 am, ever, so we had to give up on the tallest building. We did get to see some of the Mall and Smithsonian, though.
The next weekend was the 4th of July, and we went crazy. On the 4th, we went to the National Zoo. We went very early, which was awesome. No crowds, anywhere, including at the pandas. We rode the merry-go-round, went to 5 Guys for dinner and showed O4C an American fireworks display, which she enjoyed thoroughly. The next day, we had a family dinner, because O4C, who was becoming our daughter by this time, had to meet the whole family. She did go shopping away from crazy boys for a while that day as well. Sunday, we went to Philadelphia to see the Liberty Bell, Constitution Hall and a Duck Boat Tour. The family was beginning to fade.
Keep in mind, by this point, O4C had also attended five swim meets. In 17 days. I was fairly certain she thought we were crazy. She would have been right, but we hadn't even reached the peak point of the swim season.
In the next few weeks we hit DC again for monuments, Skyline Drive, Luray Caverns, Baltimore, Annapolis and probably some other stuff I can't remember. We also hit hell week for swimming, 4 meets in 7 days, and 8 meets in 17 days, plus a talent show, a movie night, a trip to Kings Dominion (just for O4C), and at least 34 other things I have forgotten by now. We even introduced O4C to the joys of a hibachi Japanese steakhouse.
We take our families to tourism destinations to give them some culture, some education, hopefully some fun and some memories. Ironically, it seems the closer we live to something, the less likely we are to visit. I have lived in the DC Metropolitan area for 37 years. I rarely go into DC. After seeing my pictures from the Tour's trip to Philadelphia, a friend commented that we saw more of Philly in one day than he has in 40 years living there. Everyday life has a tendency to sap the energy for doing tourist things out of normal days. While on vacation, we go to museums or historical sights or amusement parks. When not on vacation, we go to soccer games and swim meets, and mow the lawn, or just sit, trying to figure out how to garner enough energy to make dinner.
I realize vacations are different, but the last 6 weeks makes me wonder if we aren't missing something. Between the ages of 12 and 30 I saw more of San Francisco, Chicago and New York, than I saw of DC. I have been to San Francisco once in my life; Chicago and New York twice. I have lived here for 37 years. I wouldn't recommend repeating the last 6 weeks to anyone, but perhaps we should take better advantage of what is right next door from time to time, without needing a kick in the ass.
O4C's trip to America was our kick in the ass. Usually, it is Middle, who insists on going to DC every President's Day, a tradition killed by the snow this year, because the boys were at school making up a snow day. We took that kick in the ass and kicked right back. We did everything we planned except go to the beach and go to a baseball game. O4C is going to have to come back for those. Get ready for Kill the Family Tour 2015.
We also re-found social media. Ok, not social media as much as Facebook, the social media taken over by our generation. Shortly before O4C's arrival, The Wife and I both got new phones. We downloaded the Facebook app and became crazy Facebook users. We documented everything from that first mini-golf game to the last hug good-bye. Our initial motivation was for O4C's Lithuanian mother to be able to see what we were doing. (Sorry, but part of her belongs to us now, so, yes, to us you are now Lithuanian Mom, not "real" Mom.) Eventually it became a game to see who could get the most "likes". Once O4C's friends started to get in the action, The Wife and I took great pleasure in getting Lithuanian "likes". We really are a bunch of dorks, aren't we?
Kill the Family Tour 2014 on Facebook also became kind of a show for friends. I had several people tell me they enjoyed following our activities on Facebook. Things became particularly fun when my friends and O4C's friends started commenting to each other. It only happened a few times, but in some weird, small way, I felt like we were bringing the world a little closer. Yeah, I am making too much of this, but it was a special summer. One that none of us will forget.
Kill the Family Tour 2014 officially ended on August 2, 2014, when the family split up for the first time in 6 weeks. The sub-tour, Kill the Lithuanian (and Mom) Tour went to New York for a couple of days. Like the previous 6 weeks, they hit the highlights. Most importantly, The Wife got O4C up a tall building, Empire State. It may not be the tallest building, but I think fame makes up for a few feet. They also learned, much like the Washington Monument, going to the Statue of Liberty requires more pre-planning than they made. Regardless, they had a fantastic time.
Sub-tour, Rest the Boys 2014, went home and ended up in the one place we didn't find during the full Kill the Family Tour...the hospital. Although unrelated to Kill the Family Tour 2014, it was fitting that someone ended up in the ER at some point. Middle whacked his head on the corner of a bedframe and got 5 staples to close up the gap.
O4C and The Wife returned from NYC mere hours before O4C had to go back to Dulles airport, where this adventure started. We had what The Wife and I had been calling "The Last Supper", danced as a family to one last song and said our good-byes. We survived Kill the Family Tour 2014, even with a few tears. But more on that in Part 2.
I started calling this summer Kill the Family Tour 2014 on our way home from Philadelphia several weeks ago, when three of our four children were passed out in the car, and the fourth was fighting it, because not being tired and not sleeping in the car is his "thing". I realized then that we were killing them, and we had barely started.
For those who haven't regularly read this blog (all but about 5 people), didn't get to follow the Kill the Family Tour 2014 on Facebook or don't have some other way of knowing what in the world I am talking about, I will start from the beginning.
Last year, we invited The Wife's God-Daughter from Lithuania to visit us for the 2014 summer, watch the boys, and see America. I came up with this idea because my parents did the same thing for a few of my cousins when I was a mere boy. My boys don't have any cousins of the right age, so we thought of The Wife's God-Daughter. She very enthusiastically accepted, bought a plane ticket and flew from Lithuania to Dulles, VA, by herself at the age of 16, just in time for school to end. Of course, due to the plethora of snow that fell on the DC Metropolitan area, school didn't end for another five days. That was fine, because she was able to ease her way into the summer.
Well, maybe not exactly "ease her way into the summer". She landed at about 4:00 on a Friday afternoon. After introductions to the family and a pizza dinner, she was awakened at 6 am to go to a swim meet, on a grey, drizzly day. In a way, this was the best introduction. The summer was going to be a whirlwind tour of swim meets, Chantilly teenagers, other kids, and whatever we could do between periodic bouts of passing out.
Notwithstanding the above, we did ease into the Kill the Family Tour. We started Sunday afternoon by playing mini-golf. Lithuania has no mini-golf courses, so this was Our 4th Child's (O4C) first introduction to mini-golf, or as I called it that day, "silly things Americans do to pass the time." She took right to it, finishing second in the family and scoring one hole-in-one, something an unnamed amateur blogger failed to do that day. I did, of course, win the game, though.
From mini-golf, we took off running. I won't go into everything, because I don't want to bore you too much, and I seriously doubt I remember everything, but we had some highlights. We tried to hit some of the big things you can do with a family of 4, in the mid-Atlantic area, while maintaining an insane summer swim schedule and not getting on an airplane. Our goal was to kill the family, and show O4C some of America.
O4C had three things she was told to do in America, go to a Starbucks (she did that several times), go to a library (hit that the first week), and go to the top of the tallest building in the city. Those Lithuanians certainly are a wild and crazy bunch. For our second weekend, we decided to go for the tallest building in the city. After a family birthday lunch for my sister-in-law, during which Middle kept running outside to watch the Mexico-Netherlands World Cup game, we headed to downtown DC and the Washington Monument.
That failed, miserably. To get tickets to go up the Washington Monument, you have to pick them up that morning, apparently at about 7 am. We were not going to go to DC at 7 am, ever, so we had to give up on the tallest building. We did get to see some of the Mall and Smithsonian, though.
The next weekend was the 4th of July, and we went crazy. On the 4th, we went to the National Zoo. We went very early, which was awesome. No crowds, anywhere, including at the pandas. We rode the merry-go-round, went to 5 Guys for dinner and showed O4C an American fireworks display, which she enjoyed thoroughly. The next day, we had a family dinner, because O4C, who was becoming our daughter by this time, had to meet the whole family. She did go shopping away from crazy boys for a while that day as well. Sunday, we went to Philadelphia to see the Liberty Bell, Constitution Hall and a Duck Boat Tour. The family was beginning to fade.
Keep in mind, by this point, O4C had also attended five swim meets. In 17 days. I was fairly certain she thought we were crazy. She would have been right, but we hadn't even reached the peak point of the swim season.
In the next few weeks we hit DC again for monuments, Skyline Drive, Luray Caverns, Baltimore, Annapolis and probably some other stuff I can't remember. We also hit hell week for swimming, 4 meets in 7 days, and 8 meets in 17 days, plus a talent show, a movie night, a trip to Kings Dominion (just for O4C), and at least 34 other things I have forgotten by now. We even introduced O4C to the joys of a hibachi Japanese steakhouse.
We take our families to tourism destinations to give them some culture, some education, hopefully some fun and some memories. Ironically, it seems the closer we live to something, the less likely we are to visit. I have lived in the DC Metropolitan area for 37 years. I rarely go into DC. After seeing my pictures from the Tour's trip to Philadelphia, a friend commented that we saw more of Philly in one day than he has in 40 years living there. Everyday life has a tendency to sap the energy for doing tourist things out of normal days. While on vacation, we go to museums or historical sights or amusement parks. When not on vacation, we go to soccer games and swim meets, and mow the lawn, or just sit, trying to figure out how to garner enough energy to make dinner.
I realize vacations are different, but the last 6 weeks makes me wonder if we aren't missing something. Between the ages of 12 and 30 I saw more of San Francisco, Chicago and New York, than I saw of DC. I have been to San Francisco once in my life; Chicago and New York twice. I have lived here for 37 years. I wouldn't recommend repeating the last 6 weeks to anyone, but perhaps we should take better advantage of what is right next door from time to time, without needing a kick in the ass.
O4C's trip to America was our kick in the ass. Usually, it is Middle, who insists on going to DC every President's Day, a tradition killed by the snow this year, because the boys were at school making up a snow day. We took that kick in the ass and kicked right back. We did everything we planned except go to the beach and go to a baseball game. O4C is going to have to come back for those. Get ready for Kill the Family Tour 2015.
We also re-found social media. Ok, not social media as much as Facebook, the social media taken over by our generation. Shortly before O4C's arrival, The Wife and I both got new phones. We downloaded the Facebook app and became crazy Facebook users. We documented everything from that first mini-golf game to the last hug good-bye. Our initial motivation was for O4C's Lithuanian mother to be able to see what we were doing. (Sorry, but part of her belongs to us now, so, yes, to us you are now Lithuanian Mom, not "real" Mom.) Eventually it became a game to see who could get the most "likes". Once O4C's friends started to get in the action, The Wife and I took great pleasure in getting Lithuanian "likes". We really are a bunch of dorks, aren't we?
Kill the Family Tour 2014 on Facebook also became kind of a show for friends. I had several people tell me they enjoyed following our activities on Facebook. Things became particularly fun when my friends and O4C's friends started commenting to each other. It only happened a few times, but in some weird, small way, I felt like we were bringing the world a little closer. Yeah, I am making too much of this, but it was a special summer. One that none of us will forget.
Kill the Family Tour 2014 officially ended on August 2, 2014, when the family split up for the first time in 6 weeks. The sub-tour, Kill the Lithuanian (and Mom) Tour went to New York for a couple of days. Like the previous 6 weeks, they hit the highlights. Most importantly, The Wife got O4C up a tall building, Empire State. It may not be the tallest building, but I think fame makes up for a few feet. They also learned, much like the Washington Monument, going to the Statue of Liberty requires more pre-planning than they made. Regardless, they had a fantastic time.
Sub-tour, Rest the Boys 2014, went home and ended up in the one place we didn't find during the full Kill the Family Tour...the hospital. Although unrelated to Kill the Family Tour 2014, it was fitting that someone ended up in the ER at some point. Middle whacked his head on the corner of a bedframe and got 5 staples to close up the gap.
O4C and The Wife returned from NYC mere hours before O4C had to go back to Dulles airport, where this adventure started. We had what The Wife and I had been calling "The Last Supper", danced as a family to one last song and said our good-byes. We survived Kill the Family Tour 2014, even with a few tears. But more on that in Part 2.
Friday, August 1, 2014
World Cup
I promised a few posts on the World Cup and failed to follow through with any, at least during the competition. I did watch many games, including the finals, but never got around to writing, probably because I am in the midst of Kill the Family Tour 2014 (more on this later). When I am not at a swim meet, or killing the family, I am generally exhausted. Exhaustion makes work hard enough, adding in an unpaid stint as a blogger is just a little too much. However, I am pushing through to give my thoughts in one after the fact post. Hopefully, I can remember most of what I thought over the month of games, because my memory has also been compromised by Kill the Family Tour 2014.
The biggest story coming into the World Cup was preparedness. Would the Brazilians be ready for the Cup and would the people support the games or protest? This seems to be a lather, rinse, repeat story for both the World Cup and the Olympics over the last 10 or so years (potentially more, but memory, fading from age, destroyed by the Tour.) As typically happens, everything came together in time, and, as the Brits would say, the hosts put on a jolly good show.
Let's be honest, the people running these things and broadcasting them know what they are doing. Pick a place with beautiful scenery and point the cameras in the right direction. I know there were some protests, but media coverage was limited. Cameras were pointed at the games, the beautiful scenery, the unbelievable shots (like the floods before the US-Portugal game), the crazy fans, and the hot women. I saw about an equal number of crazy fans and hot women. I don't recall seeing a protest.
I read in the Washington Post a few weeks ago that this may be the last World Cup in a democratic nation. The article stated that people in democratic nations no longer want to spend their tax dollars on new stadiums when they need new schools and food. As support for this premise, the writer pointed out that Poland and Sweden dropped their bids for the 2022 Olympics because the people don't want them. This may have an element of truth to it, but I don't think it will play out. The next two World Cups are not (currently planned to be) in democracies, but somehow, I think the US will host this thing again. I also find it hard to believe that Germany, England, France, Brazil, Japan and/or South Korea will never want to host again. Even in democracies, the people in power find ways to do things the people don't want, especially if that gets their faces on television.
The second biggest story, at least here, was whether the US could advance from the "Group of Death." According to the June 6, 2014 FIFA Rankings, the "Group of Death" included the 2nd ranked team in the world (Germany) and the 4th ranked team in the world (Portugal). In addition, the US had to face the team that knocked it out of each of the last two World Cups (Ghana, in the Round of 16 in 2010 and in the group stage in 2006). Most people said the good ole red, white and blue had no chance. In my World Cup pool (which I lost by a lot), I picked the US to advance out of the group stage. I am fairly certain that was more wishing than believing, but I did have some legitimate faith that we would advance.
One of the things rarely mentioned was that part of the reason the US was in the "Group of Death" was because of the US. Ignoring, for a moment, what happened at the World Cup, look at some of the options for the groups. The US was in a pot with the other CONCACAF teams and the teams from Asia. Mexico needed a miracle goal from the US simply to get into a play-off with New Zealand to qualify for the World Cup. Neither Costa Rica nor Honduras were expected to do much (and Honduras proved such expectations were correct.) None of the Asians teams looked all that impressive coming into (or out of) the World Cup. Whatever group the US went into was going to be a tough group, because the US was the strongest team in its pot. The fact that two top 5 teams and the strongest (arguably) African team also ended up in the group was just the icing on the cake.
Of course, the US did advance. We won a dramatic game against Ghana, fell to a gut-punch tie against Portugal, and lost a valiant 1-0 game to Germany. I watched all three games, as tense as a teenager taking a pregnancy test. The final game, when the score of Portugal-Ghana was arguably more important than the US-Germany game, was particularly tough. I watched the final game on tape delay by about an hour, which means I couldn't simulcast the Portugal-Ghana game. I almost blew it by trying to check the other game's score with about 20 minutes to go. Luckily I caught myself and didn't "reveal" anything to myself in those final 20 minutes.
The Round of 16 game was disappointing, to say the least. Although it is fun to say "Thibaut Cortois" and watching Julian Green come in and score was awesome, that game left a lot to be desired. Once it was over, and American fans could sit back and assess, the final question could be asked. Are we, as a soccer nation, advancing?
I have one friend who says clearly yes. I have several friends who generally say yes. I'm not so sure. We accomplished one thing we have never accomplished before, we advanced out of the group stage for the second time in a row. Other than that, I am trying to figure out how 2014 is any more promising than 2002.
In 2002, the 13th ranked US placed second in a group with South Korea (40), Portugal (5) and Poland (38). The US shocked Portugal, tied South Korea, then lost to Poland, but advanced when South Korea beat Portugal. The US then beat Mexico in the Round of 16, before losing a 1-0 game to eventual runner-up Germany, in large part due to the outstanding play of Oliver Kahn.
Exactly how is 2014 better than 2002? Yes, the 2014 group was harder than the 2002 group, but in both years, we won a tough game, tied a game, lost our last game and were ultimately knocked out by a superior European team. Arguably, that 2002 German team that made it to the finals was tougher than the 2014 Belgium team that lost their next game. In that sense, you could argue that we took a step back. That may be taking things too far, but it is hard to argue that we are moving forward, when we once again advanced, only to lose to one of the best of Europe.
You could argue that the future looks brighter than it did in 2002, but does it really? In 2002, 20 year olds Demarcus Beasley and Landon Donovan played significant roles. John O'Brien was 24, as was Clint Mathis. Tim Howard was just beginning to emerge from the shadows of Brad Friedel, Kasey Keller and Tony Meola. The US had proven they could play with the big boys and seemed to have a core of solid young players, ready to go to the next level.
What happened? 2006 happened. The US showed up and immediately got trounced by the Czech Republic, 3-0. They regrouped and earned a 1-1 tie with Italy, before losing to Ghana, when a win would have advanced us to the next round.
In 2010, like 2014, the US showed they are a middle of the pack World Cup team, by winning a weak group (thanks to a dramatic late game goal and a terrible miss by the England keeper) and losing in the Round of 16. Don't get me wrong, middle of the pack in the World Cup is somewhere between 10th and 20th out of about 200 countries. That's pretty good, but I don't see what we have done to make anyone think we are moving towards the big boys.
Here we are, 12 years later, and I see the same thing. A solid core of young players; a successful World Cup run; a coach who everyone believes in, ready to stick around for four more years and take us to the next level. Remember, in 2002, Bruce Arena was a soccer God. In 2006, US Soccer couldn't take his credentials away fast enough. Is that where Juergen Klinsmann is headed?
I don't mean to be Debbie Downer. Hopefully Julian Green is our Maradona. We have produced World class goalies at a rate even greater than England produces World Cup disappointments. Klinsmann's strategy of poaching from other countries, especially his home country, certainly paid off. There is room for optimism, but realistically, we look exactly like we did 12 years ago. If we get second in a tough group in 2026, and lose to a superior European squad, will US fans be satisfied? I won't, but I have no reason to expect more.
This World Cup was fantastic. The games were great, with upsets, drama, a biting. What more could you ask for? Even my boys enjoyed the games (Middle to such an extent that he started begging for a Neymar jersey). At the end of three weeks, though, we had four super-powers left standing: four time (now) champion Germany; five time champion, Brazil; two time champion, Argentina; and the best team to never win the World Cup, the Netherlands (why don't we call them Holland?) I enjoyed the tournament thoroughly. I just don't see us as equal to the big boys, yet.
Again, sorry for writing about this a month late. I started several weeks ago and worked on it a little from time to time. Next week I will cover Kill the Family Tour 2014 and you will see why I just couldn't finish.
The biggest story coming into the World Cup was preparedness. Would the Brazilians be ready for the Cup and would the people support the games or protest? This seems to be a lather, rinse, repeat story for both the World Cup and the Olympics over the last 10 or so years (potentially more, but memory, fading from age, destroyed by the Tour.) As typically happens, everything came together in time, and, as the Brits would say, the hosts put on a jolly good show.
Let's be honest, the people running these things and broadcasting them know what they are doing. Pick a place with beautiful scenery and point the cameras in the right direction. I know there were some protests, but media coverage was limited. Cameras were pointed at the games, the beautiful scenery, the unbelievable shots (like the floods before the US-Portugal game), the crazy fans, and the hot women. I saw about an equal number of crazy fans and hot women. I don't recall seeing a protest.
I read in the Washington Post a few weeks ago that this may be the last World Cup in a democratic nation. The article stated that people in democratic nations no longer want to spend their tax dollars on new stadiums when they need new schools and food. As support for this premise, the writer pointed out that Poland and Sweden dropped their bids for the 2022 Olympics because the people don't want them. This may have an element of truth to it, but I don't think it will play out. The next two World Cups are not (currently planned to be) in democracies, but somehow, I think the US will host this thing again. I also find it hard to believe that Germany, England, France, Brazil, Japan and/or South Korea will never want to host again. Even in democracies, the people in power find ways to do things the people don't want, especially if that gets their faces on television.
The second biggest story, at least here, was whether the US could advance from the "Group of Death." According to the June 6, 2014 FIFA Rankings, the "Group of Death" included the 2nd ranked team in the world (Germany) and the 4th ranked team in the world (Portugal). In addition, the US had to face the team that knocked it out of each of the last two World Cups (Ghana, in the Round of 16 in 2010 and in the group stage in 2006). Most people said the good ole red, white and blue had no chance. In my World Cup pool (which I lost by a lot), I picked the US to advance out of the group stage. I am fairly certain that was more wishing than believing, but I did have some legitimate faith that we would advance.
One of the things rarely mentioned was that part of the reason the US was in the "Group of Death" was because of the US. Ignoring, for a moment, what happened at the World Cup, look at some of the options for the groups. The US was in a pot with the other CONCACAF teams and the teams from Asia. Mexico needed a miracle goal from the US simply to get into a play-off with New Zealand to qualify for the World Cup. Neither Costa Rica nor Honduras were expected to do much (and Honduras proved such expectations were correct.) None of the Asians teams looked all that impressive coming into (or out of) the World Cup. Whatever group the US went into was going to be a tough group, because the US was the strongest team in its pot. The fact that two top 5 teams and the strongest (arguably) African team also ended up in the group was just the icing on the cake.
Of course, the US did advance. We won a dramatic game against Ghana, fell to a gut-punch tie against Portugal, and lost a valiant 1-0 game to Germany. I watched all three games, as tense as a teenager taking a pregnancy test. The final game, when the score of Portugal-Ghana was arguably more important than the US-Germany game, was particularly tough. I watched the final game on tape delay by about an hour, which means I couldn't simulcast the Portugal-Ghana game. I almost blew it by trying to check the other game's score with about 20 minutes to go. Luckily I caught myself and didn't "reveal" anything to myself in those final 20 minutes.
The Round of 16 game was disappointing, to say the least. Although it is fun to say "Thibaut Cortois" and watching Julian Green come in and score was awesome, that game left a lot to be desired. Once it was over, and American fans could sit back and assess, the final question could be asked. Are we, as a soccer nation, advancing?
I have one friend who says clearly yes. I have several friends who generally say yes. I'm not so sure. We accomplished one thing we have never accomplished before, we advanced out of the group stage for the second time in a row. Other than that, I am trying to figure out how 2014 is any more promising than 2002.
In 2002, the 13th ranked US placed second in a group with South Korea (40), Portugal (5) and Poland (38). The US shocked Portugal, tied South Korea, then lost to Poland, but advanced when South Korea beat Portugal. The US then beat Mexico in the Round of 16, before losing a 1-0 game to eventual runner-up Germany, in large part due to the outstanding play of Oliver Kahn.
Exactly how is 2014 better than 2002? Yes, the 2014 group was harder than the 2002 group, but in both years, we won a tough game, tied a game, lost our last game and were ultimately knocked out by a superior European team. Arguably, that 2002 German team that made it to the finals was tougher than the 2014 Belgium team that lost their next game. In that sense, you could argue that we took a step back. That may be taking things too far, but it is hard to argue that we are moving forward, when we once again advanced, only to lose to one of the best of Europe.
You could argue that the future looks brighter than it did in 2002, but does it really? In 2002, 20 year olds Demarcus Beasley and Landon Donovan played significant roles. John O'Brien was 24, as was Clint Mathis. Tim Howard was just beginning to emerge from the shadows of Brad Friedel, Kasey Keller and Tony Meola. The US had proven they could play with the big boys and seemed to have a core of solid young players, ready to go to the next level.
What happened? 2006 happened. The US showed up and immediately got trounced by the Czech Republic, 3-0. They regrouped and earned a 1-1 tie with Italy, before losing to Ghana, when a win would have advanced us to the next round.
In 2010, like 2014, the US showed they are a middle of the pack World Cup team, by winning a weak group (thanks to a dramatic late game goal and a terrible miss by the England keeper) and losing in the Round of 16. Don't get me wrong, middle of the pack in the World Cup is somewhere between 10th and 20th out of about 200 countries. That's pretty good, but I don't see what we have done to make anyone think we are moving towards the big boys.
Here we are, 12 years later, and I see the same thing. A solid core of young players; a successful World Cup run; a coach who everyone believes in, ready to stick around for four more years and take us to the next level. Remember, in 2002, Bruce Arena was a soccer God. In 2006, US Soccer couldn't take his credentials away fast enough. Is that where Juergen Klinsmann is headed?
I don't mean to be Debbie Downer. Hopefully Julian Green is our Maradona. We have produced World class goalies at a rate even greater than England produces World Cup disappointments. Klinsmann's strategy of poaching from other countries, especially his home country, certainly paid off. There is room for optimism, but realistically, we look exactly like we did 12 years ago. If we get second in a tough group in 2026, and lose to a superior European squad, will US fans be satisfied? I won't, but I have no reason to expect more.
This World Cup was fantastic. The games were great, with upsets, drama, a biting. What more could you ask for? Even my boys enjoyed the games (Middle to such an extent that he started begging for a Neymar jersey). At the end of three weeks, though, we had four super-powers left standing: four time (now) champion Germany; five time champion, Brazil; two time champion, Argentina; and the best team to never win the World Cup, the Netherlands (why don't we call them Holland?) I enjoyed the tournament thoroughly. I just don't see us as equal to the big boys, yet.
Again, sorry for writing about this a month late. I started several weeks ago and worked on it a little from time to time. Next week I will cover Kill the Family Tour 2014 and you will see why I just couldn't finish.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Welcome to the Family
I know I promised World Cup commentary, and in theory, I plan to follow through eventually, but primarily on my mind has been my new family of six.
As I have mentioned before, The Wife and I are hosting her Lithuanian God-Daughter for the summer. The primary purpose of her visit is to watch our three boys for the summer. The secondary reason is to see America. We are taking both roles seriously. We leave her alone with the boys every weekday, and take her to see things all weekend long. I will expand on this next week. In the meantime, we are learning a little about being a family of six.
I had been curious how I would handle being the parent of a teenage girl. To be more honest, I was terrified of being the parent of a teenage girl. After two weeks, my primary observation is the movie, Soul Man. For those of you uninitiated in the plethora of 1980s comedy movies and uninformed about the stellar career of C. Thomas Howell (and for those of you who know Soul Man, but don't remember every intimate detail), I will explain.
Soul Man is a movie about a spoiled, rich white guy who gets into Harvard Law School right as his parents decide to cut him off financially. Having no other option to pay for law school, he overdoses on tanning pills and "earns" a minority scholarship as a black student. The "humor" of the movie is based on the racial stereotypes and prejudices the various characters express, including the size of black men's penises, basketball playing ability, white girls wanting to date men of color to rebel against their parents, all black men wanting to date a white girl, and racial profiling by police and landlords. I'm sure I missed a few, but you get the point.
At the end of the movie, Howell is found out at about the same time he decides to come clean. He finds himself trying to save his law school career from James Earl Jones, one of his professors. When he convinces his professor to let him stay in school, Jones comments that Howell has learned something he could never teach him...what it feels like to be black. Howell responds, "I don't really know what it feels like sir. If I didn't like it, I could always get out." I am not really the parent of a teenage girl. I can't "get out", but I don't have to deal with the true drama.
Our 4th Child does not treat us like her parents, she treats us like two people who have opened up their home to her for 7 weeks. We don't have to deal with real life problems, boys, friends we don't approve of, curfew, etc. We get the good (for the most part), but not the bad (with a few minor exceptions.)
The one thing I can say is that I have experienced life with four children. Being a family of six is different than being a parent of a teenager, even if the same event caused one to happen and the other to be an illusion. We are responsible for another minor, at all times. We have to pay for six people wherever we may go. We make any group (such as the mini-family reunion at my house last weekend) much larger than it was before our arrival. We have to fit everyone in one vehicle to go anywhere.
I am glad I don't really have to be the parent of a teenage girl. That is a joy and pain I will never experience. However, I am also glad I get to be a family of six for a while. When I was a child, I always wanted four children. When I had two children, I really didn't want to have any more babies. The Wife was certainly not a fan of being pregnant again. I do not, even for a minute, long to have four children. I am, however, for every minute, enjoying the brief time I get to pretend.
My boys almost instantly fell in love with their new big sister. In two weeks, that bond has only grown stronger. Eldest and Our 4th Child have started to act like real siblings, teasing each other, play fighting, driving each other a little crazy, singing loudly to each other when they hear a song they both like. She and Youngest started bonding with a couple of solo days before the other two finished school. She has never been a baby-sitter or nanny for him. She has always been a big sister. Middle was the slowest to warm to her. However, even he treats her like his sister these days, always making sure she is with us, wherever we go as a family.
The Wife and I continue to joke about our family of six, or our four children. The jokes are only half in jest. Our 4th Child has, in every significant way, become a member of our family. In truth, she is probably more like a niece. I respect her privacy significantly more than I would if she was my daughter. I am hesitant to chastise her (and haven't had any reason to.) The jokes are fun, because we are both enjoying the experience. Most importantly, I think she is too.
That is, of course, the one issue. I can't read 16 year old girls. I think she is enjoying herself. She tells us she is enjoying herself. She seems to be having a good time. However, she might just be very polite. We know she longs for a little more nightlife (The Wife and I aren't that exciting anymore.) We know she is a little lonely, but she has made one friend and seems to be moving towards several others. We know life with 10 and under boys and middle aged parental units is not exactly what a teenager is looking for. She has admitted to being sad a couple of times, but, generally, as best as we can tell, all is good.
We will continue to enjoy Our 4th Child and Our Family of Six. We will continue to kill the whole family with weekend activities. We will hopefully have some fun and make this a worthwhile experience for her. At a minimum, she has three new brothers and claims our whole family will be invited to her wedding. At the end of all this, the only thing I know for sure is that we will all miss her very much.
As I have mentioned before, The Wife and I are hosting her Lithuanian God-Daughter for the summer. The primary purpose of her visit is to watch our three boys for the summer. The secondary reason is to see America. We are taking both roles seriously. We leave her alone with the boys every weekday, and take her to see things all weekend long. I will expand on this next week. In the meantime, we are learning a little about being a family of six.
I had been curious how I would handle being the parent of a teenage girl. To be more honest, I was terrified of being the parent of a teenage girl. After two weeks, my primary observation is the movie, Soul Man. For those of you uninitiated in the plethora of 1980s comedy movies and uninformed about the stellar career of C. Thomas Howell (and for those of you who know Soul Man, but don't remember every intimate detail), I will explain.
Soul Man is a movie about a spoiled, rich white guy who gets into Harvard Law School right as his parents decide to cut him off financially. Having no other option to pay for law school, he overdoses on tanning pills and "earns" a minority scholarship as a black student. The "humor" of the movie is based on the racial stereotypes and prejudices the various characters express, including the size of black men's penises, basketball playing ability, white girls wanting to date men of color to rebel against their parents, all black men wanting to date a white girl, and racial profiling by police and landlords. I'm sure I missed a few, but you get the point.
At the end of the movie, Howell is found out at about the same time he decides to come clean. He finds himself trying to save his law school career from James Earl Jones, one of his professors. When he convinces his professor to let him stay in school, Jones comments that Howell has learned something he could never teach him...what it feels like to be black. Howell responds, "I don't really know what it feels like sir. If I didn't like it, I could always get out." I am not really the parent of a teenage girl. I can't "get out", but I don't have to deal with the true drama.
Our 4th Child does not treat us like her parents, she treats us like two people who have opened up their home to her for 7 weeks. We don't have to deal with real life problems, boys, friends we don't approve of, curfew, etc. We get the good (for the most part), but not the bad (with a few minor exceptions.)
The one thing I can say is that I have experienced life with four children. Being a family of six is different than being a parent of a teenager, even if the same event caused one to happen and the other to be an illusion. We are responsible for another minor, at all times. We have to pay for six people wherever we may go. We make any group (such as the mini-family reunion at my house last weekend) much larger than it was before our arrival. We have to fit everyone in one vehicle to go anywhere.
I am glad I don't really have to be the parent of a teenage girl. That is a joy and pain I will never experience. However, I am also glad I get to be a family of six for a while. When I was a child, I always wanted four children. When I had two children, I really didn't want to have any more babies. The Wife was certainly not a fan of being pregnant again. I do not, even for a minute, long to have four children. I am, however, for every minute, enjoying the brief time I get to pretend.
My boys almost instantly fell in love with their new big sister. In two weeks, that bond has only grown stronger. Eldest and Our 4th Child have started to act like real siblings, teasing each other, play fighting, driving each other a little crazy, singing loudly to each other when they hear a song they both like. She and Youngest started bonding with a couple of solo days before the other two finished school. She has never been a baby-sitter or nanny for him. She has always been a big sister. Middle was the slowest to warm to her. However, even he treats her like his sister these days, always making sure she is with us, wherever we go as a family.
The Wife and I continue to joke about our family of six, or our four children. The jokes are only half in jest. Our 4th Child has, in every significant way, become a member of our family. In truth, she is probably more like a niece. I respect her privacy significantly more than I would if she was my daughter. I am hesitant to chastise her (and haven't had any reason to.) The jokes are fun, because we are both enjoying the experience. Most importantly, I think she is too.
That is, of course, the one issue. I can't read 16 year old girls. I think she is enjoying herself. She tells us she is enjoying herself. She seems to be having a good time. However, she might just be very polite. We know she longs for a little more nightlife (The Wife and I aren't that exciting anymore.) We know she is a little lonely, but she has made one friend and seems to be moving towards several others. We know life with 10 and under boys and middle aged parental units is not exactly what a teenager is looking for. She has admitted to being sad a couple of times, but, generally, as best as we can tell, all is good.
We will continue to enjoy Our 4th Child and Our Family of Six. We will continue to kill the whole family with weekend activities. We will hopefully have some fun and make this a worthwhile experience for her. At a minimum, she has three new brothers and claims our whole family will be invited to her wedding. At the end of all this, the only thing I know for sure is that we will all miss her very much.
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