Welcome to the Family

I know I promised World Cup commentary, and in theory, I plan to follow through eventually, but primarily on my mind has been my new family of six.

As I have mentioned before, The Wife and I are hosting her Lithuanian God-Daughter for the summer.  The primary purpose of her visit is to watch our three boys for the summer.  The secondary reason is to see America.  We are taking both roles seriously.  We leave her alone with the boys every weekday, and take her to see things all weekend long.  I will expand on this next week.  In the meantime, we are learning a little about being a family of six.

I had been curious how I would handle being the parent of a teenage girl.  To be more honest, I was terrified of being the parent of a teenage girl.  After two weeks, my primary observation is the movie, Soul Man.  For those of you uninitiated in the plethora of 1980s comedy movies and uninformed about the stellar  career of C. Thomas Howell (and for those of you who know Soul Man, but don't remember every intimate detail), I will explain.

Soul Man is a movie about a spoiled, rich white guy who gets into Harvard Law School right as his parents decide to cut him off financially.  Having no other option to pay for law school, he overdoses on tanning pills and "earns" a minority scholarship as a black student.  The "humor" of the movie is based on the racial stereotypes and prejudices the various characters express, including the size of black men's penises, basketball playing ability, white girls wanting to date men of color to rebel against their parents, all black men wanting to date a white girl, and racial profiling by police and landlords.  I'm sure I missed a few, but you get the point.

At the end of the movie, Howell is found out at about the same time he decides to come clean.  He finds himself trying to save his law school career from James Earl Jones, one of his professors.  When he convinces his professor to let him stay in school, Jones comments that Howell has learned something he could never teach him...what it feels like to be black.  Howell responds, "I don't really know what it feels like sir. If I didn't like it, I could always get out."  I am not really the parent of a teenage girl.  I can't "get out", but I don't have to deal with the true drama.

Our 4th Child does not treat us like her parents, she treats us like two people who have opened up their home to her for 7 weeks.  We don't have to deal with real life problems, boys, friends we don't approve of, curfew, etc.  We get the good (for the most part), but not the bad (with a few minor exceptions.)

The one thing I can say is that I have experienced life with four children.  Being a family of six is different than being a parent of a teenager, even if the same event caused one to happen and the other to be an illusion.  We are responsible for another minor, at all times.  We have to pay for six people wherever we may go.  We make any group (such as the mini-family reunion at my house last weekend) much larger than it was before our arrival.  We have to fit everyone in one vehicle to go anywhere.

I am glad I don't really have to be the parent of a teenage girl.  That is a joy and pain I will never experience.  However, I am also glad I get to be a family of six for a while.  When I was a child, I always wanted four children.  When I had two children, I really didn't want to have any more babies.  The Wife was certainly not a fan of being pregnant again.  I do not, even for a minute, long to have four children.  I am, however, for every minute, enjoying the brief time I get to pretend.

My boys almost instantly fell in love with their new big sister.  In two weeks, that bond has only grown stronger.  Eldest and Our 4th Child have started to act like real siblings, teasing each other, play fighting, driving each other a little crazy, singing loudly to each other when they hear a song they both like.  She and Youngest started bonding with a couple of solo days before the other two finished school.  She has never been a baby-sitter or nanny for him.  She has always been a big sister.  Middle was the slowest to warm to her.  However, even he treats her like his sister these days, always making sure she is with us, wherever we go as a family.

The Wife and I continue to joke about our family of six, or our four children.  The jokes are only half in jest.  Our 4th Child has, in every significant way, become a member of our family.  In truth, she is probably more like a niece.  I respect her privacy significantly more than I would if she was my daughter.  I am hesitant to chastise her (and haven't had any reason to.)  The jokes are fun, because we are both enjoying the experience.  Most importantly, I think she is too.

That is, of course, the one issue.  I can't read 16 year old girls.  I think she is enjoying herself.  She tells us she is enjoying herself.  She seems to be having a good time.  However, she might just be very polite.  We know she longs for a little more nightlife (The Wife and I aren't that exciting anymore.)  We know she is a little lonely, but she has made one friend and seems to be moving towards several others.  We know life with 10 and under boys and middle aged parental units is not exactly what a teenager is looking for.  She has admitted to being sad a couple of times, but, generally, as best as we can tell, all is good.

We will continue to enjoy Our 4th Child and Our Family of Six.  We will continue to kill the whole family with weekend activities.  We will hopefully have some fun and make this a worthwhile experience for her.  At a minimum, she has three new brothers and claims our whole family will be invited to her wedding.  At the end of all this, the only thing I know for sure is that we will all miss her very much.