So, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Once again, I am in my office on Black Friday, a little colder than I should be. Last year, the building management company did not turn the heat on, so my office was freezing. This year, the heat is on, but it is still cold. The heat is run by floor. I think because we are the only business open in the building, the rest of the building is cold, so the cold is creeping to us. Our office manager just showed me a pretty cool (pun intended) experiment to show that it is cold. Her nail polish is supposed to be bright red, like an apple. The nail polish is a very dark maroon color. She showed me her hand, then dipped her fingers into a mug of warm water. The nail polish changed colors. A few seconds later, it started to turn back to dark maroon. She dipped again...bright red again. I never knew nail polish did that. The point of all this...I'm cold.
So, yesterday was Thanksgiving. Last year I made it quite clear that a Cowboys victory has a lot to do with how my Thanksgiving went. Last year, the Cowboys beat Oakland 31-24. I had a nice Thanksgiving last year. This year, the Cowboys are having a much better season. Prior to yesterday, the Cowboys were tied for the division lead and in playoff position. Then, the Cowboys lost to the Eagles. Now, they are not tied for the division lead, and not in playoff position. The point of all this...I had a bad Thanksgiving.
So, yesterday was Thanksgiving. As I have mentioned before, Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday, or my second or fifth or twelfth favorite holiday. There are many reasons, but the primary one is that I don't like the food. To make matters worse, I swam a very long workout Wednesday night, then had to wait for close to an hour before Eldest was finished with swim practice. By the time Eldest and I left, I was starving. Halfway home, Eldest thought he left his new fancy water bottle at the pool. I turned around so he could get it, but he couldn't find it. By the time we got home, I really wanted a bacon cheeseburger and some wings. I was expecting French toast. Instead, the wife looked at me and asked "What do you want for dinner?" Apparently, the eggs never got home from the grocery store last Sunday, so French toast was out. I answered honestly, "A bacon cheeseburger and some wings." I got leftover lasagna. At 8:45 pm. I was still hungry, so I was looking forward to a big, solid breakfast Thursday morning. No eggs, no big, solid breakfast. Then we had Thanksgiving dinner. The point of all this...I haven't had a meal I really want in days.
So, yesterday was Thanksgiving. As I have probably mentioned before, Thanksgiving is a traditionally stressful day. Families spend too much time together. People are worried about the food. Some want to watch football, others complain about the people watching football. Traffic, weather, and everything else. I did my best to make it as stressful as possible. I criticized everything the Wife did. She just joyfully went along, making a turkey. Then the in-laws showed up with stuff for lunch (NOT a bacon cheeseburger and some wings, I might add) and some of the other dinner food. Then my Sister-in-Law showed up with some more food. Then my parents showed up with more food. Despite all that "more food" we didn't have an overwhelming amount of food, the turkey turned out fine, clean up wasn't bad, and I did on OK job carving the turkey. Regagdless, there was stress somewhere. The point of all this...OK, I go nothing. It actually went pretty well.
So, on that note, as promised, I give you my not complete list of things I am thankful for, in no particular order.
I am thankful for:
Alex Morgan - this one is going to be on the list for a while.
That Middle is still excited for the Thanksgiving Day Parade. I enjoy the parade and it is nice one of my boys does as well. Not sure what Youngest's problem was.
William and Mary - my school has been a constant for 320+ years and I finally went back to see what I have always loved about it. I can't put a finger on it, but it is always there, even with a few changes since 1994.
O4C - for bringing a little more love and a little more fun into the family, and showing us what we are missing, and not missing, by not having a daughter.
Monk - the 3 foot stuffed monkey Youngest got at a yard sale for $0.50. Watching Youngest lug that monkey around is just funny.
The Washington Wizards - for showing that mediocrity doesn't have to be the goal every year.
Eldest's hair - the never-ending conversation piece.
One Direction - for bringing endless joy to the Wife, and to Middle, and occasionally to the other two boys as well.
My age - because I am old enough not to care what other people think when they read that I am thankful for One Direction.
Veteran's Day - so the Wife and I get a date day - to go Christmas shopping.
Facebook - Facebook is evil in many ways, but it does allow me to stay in touch with some people, plus it is fun to annoy teenagers by being on social media.
Chris Hemsworth - he is Thor, which is really cool by itself, but he is also an ace up my sleeve. Whenever I get caught looking a little too much at an attractive woman, Chris is a go to guy for reciprocity with the Wife.
Netflix - for giving the boys constant entertainment and helping the Wife and I with our project to watch every Best Picture winner.
Sun - you know, for life and warmth and stuff.
ME2K whatever - for my consistent weekend of fun, golf, and terrible weather.
Hooters - for the constant joke of asking the boys if they want to go to Hooters for wings after swim practice.
Popeye's - for my once a year lunch the day after Thanksgiving.
My 5 loyal readers - for always being there.
My other readers, especially those of you in other countries - for making my blog stats look more interesting.
The Wife - for being the rock of the family, feeding us, keeping us in line, being there and always, always looking on the bright side of life.
The Boys - for being them.
Christmas - for being a much, much better holiday than Thanksgiving.
Happy Holidays! I hope to use them more this year for this blog.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Pre-Holiday Complaints
Last year, I wrote a blog post about why I don't like Thanksgiving. After reading it, the Wife complained to me about my negativity, and missing the real point of the holiday. I thought I nailed it with the whole "eat to much then go Christmas shopping thing", but she wanted me to at least consider the fact that life is pretty good. I gave in and followed up with a second post about Thanksgiving, including a list of things I was thankful for. During the two and a half dreadful years between the 2014 Winter Olympics and the 2016 Summer Olympics, I will occasionally have some writers block and not know what to write about. With that in mind, I should recognize a good thing when I can. So this year, I will continue my (now two year long) tradition of complaining about Thanksgiving, then giving in to my better half and noting what I am thankful for.
Before you run away, this will not be a repeat of last year's rant about bad foods and bad moods. I won't mention the Cowboys and I won't talk about raking. There's enough to complain about to get me through at least four years of these posts without repeating. So stick around and see where I go this year.
I recently checked out the family schedule for the next month and a half. I know I have mentioned the busyness of a suburban family with three active children (scary thought for the Wife and I - one of them isn't that active yet), but every once in a while, it tends to overwhelm. When November starts to blend into December, overwhelming occurs.
There are several factors that lead to this insane 4 week (or so) period. First, every activity is trying to come to some conclusion or resolution before the Christmas holidays. Second, every activity feels it is necessary to celebrate the holidays. Third, winter activities are heating up. Fourth, activities stop being inanimate things and become living, breathing organism intent on the destruction of me, and, let's be honest, it is all about me.
We just finished a lovely little lull in our lives called the end of soccer. Soccer this fall was the first activity that all three boys participated in, leading the Wife and I into a fun-filled dilemma called "how can the two of us be in three places at the same time?" Succumbing to the laws of physics, we had to tell Eldest that, from time to time, he would be playing soccer without a parent cheering for him on the sidelines. We are both relatively insane parents, so neither of us likes to miss things, but until a scientist discovers how to split a parent into two, we have to accept, along with other parents of more than one child, that things will be missed.
Soccer ended, and for about three weeks, our obligations were reduced by four practices and three games per week. Sadly, this period in our lives only lasted three weeks, until basketball began. Luckily, Youngest is still too young to do basketball. He also seems to have backed off his desire to do gymnastics, so we should at least get through the next four weeks with only two insanely busy children.
In the next four weeks we have two swim meets (one which is three days), several basketball games, several basketball practices, a chorus concert, a strings concert, at least one holiday party, a Cub Scout boat race, several other Cub Scout meetings, two birthdays and about nineteen other things I can't even remember. On December 3, Eldest has three different activities planned all at 7 pm. I have heard of being torn in different directions, but I never knew it was literal.
For some reason, this is bothering me more than the Wife. The Wife is typically the one worried about schedule and how we are going to get everything done. While looking at the calendar this year, she has this eerie calm come over her. She admits that she is more comfortable with just skipping something than I am, but I still don't understand why she is so calm about this. The next four weeks of our lives are insane.
At this point, those of you with children are asking yourselves, "What does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Isn't life always like this?" To a certain extent, yes, life is always like this. However, Thanksgiving pretends to be a holiday, while it is really just an enhancer of the madness. Holidays are supposed to be fun. They are supposed to be a distraction. Halloween is costumes and candy. Christmas is presents and fun. July 4th is fireworks and grilling. Memorial Day is the pool and grilling. President's Day is cold sightseeing in Washington, DC. Thanksgiving is a random Thursday taking away one week and one weekend that could be used for one of the swim meets or parties or concerts that now have to be fit into three weeks, instead of four.
In addition, Thanksgiving is a bunch of school events that you either have to take leave from work for or feel guilty, because your child didn't have a parent at the terrible tasting Thanksgiving feast the school cafeteria created.
In conclusion, we are dealing with a "holiday" that takes away an entire week from the busiest time of the year, but gives us nothing in return. OK, it gives me nothing in return, because I don't like turkey and mashed potatoes and all that other stuff people eat on Thanksgiving.
Oh, and I got a massive calf cramp swimming on Wednesday night, and the Wife is sick, and I'm tired, and it's cold, and Buffalo is sitting under about 10 feet of snow, and the days are shorter, and sports jerseys are really expensive, and...and...and.... All of that is the fault of Thanksgiving, too.
Before you run away, this will not be a repeat of last year's rant about bad foods and bad moods. I won't mention the Cowboys and I won't talk about raking. There's enough to complain about to get me through at least four years of these posts without repeating. So stick around and see where I go this year.
I recently checked out the family schedule for the next month and a half. I know I have mentioned the busyness of a suburban family with three active children (scary thought for the Wife and I - one of them isn't that active yet), but every once in a while, it tends to overwhelm. When November starts to blend into December, overwhelming occurs.
There are several factors that lead to this insane 4 week (or so) period. First, every activity is trying to come to some conclusion or resolution before the Christmas holidays. Second, every activity feels it is necessary to celebrate the holidays. Third, winter activities are heating up. Fourth, activities stop being inanimate things and become living, breathing organism intent on the destruction of me, and, let's be honest, it is all about me.
We just finished a lovely little lull in our lives called the end of soccer. Soccer this fall was the first activity that all three boys participated in, leading the Wife and I into a fun-filled dilemma called "how can the two of us be in three places at the same time?" Succumbing to the laws of physics, we had to tell Eldest that, from time to time, he would be playing soccer without a parent cheering for him on the sidelines. We are both relatively insane parents, so neither of us likes to miss things, but until a scientist discovers how to split a parent into two, we have to accept, along with other parents of more than one child, that things will be missed.
Soccer ended, and for about three weeks, our obligations were reduced by four practices and three games per week. Sadly, this period in our lives only lasted three weeks, until basketball began. Luckily, Youngest is still too young to do basketball. He also seems to have backed off his desire to do gymnastics, so we should at least get through the next four weeks with only two insanely busy children.
In the next four weeks we have two swim meets (one which is three days), several basketball games, several basketball practices, a chorus concert, a strings concert, at least one holiday party, a Cub Scout boat race, several other Cub Scout meetings, two birthdays and about nineteen other things I can't even remember. On December 3, Eldest has three different activities planned all at 7 pm. I have heard of being torn in different directions, but I never knew it was literal.
For some reason, this is bothering me more than the Wife. The Wife is typically the one worried about schedule and how we are going to get everything done. While looking at the calendar this year, she has this eerie calm come over her. She admits that she is more comfortable with just skipping something than I am, but I still don't understand why she is so calm about this. The next four weeks of our lives are insane.
At this point, those of you with children are asking yourselves, "What does this have to do with Thanksgiving? Isn't life always like this?" To a certain extent, yes, life is always like this. However, Thanksgiving pretends to be a holiday, while it is really just an enhancer of the madness. Holidays are supposed to be fun. They are supposed to be a distraction. Halloween is costumes and candy. Christmas is presents and fun. July 4th is fireworks and grilling. Memorial Day is the pool and grilling. President's Day is cold sightseeing in Washington, DC. Thanksgiving is a random Thursday taking away one week and one weekend that could be used for one of the swim meets or parties or concerts that now have to be fit into three weeks, instead of four.
In addition, Thanksgiving is a bunch of school events that you either have to take leave from work for or feel guilty, because your child didn't have a parent at the terrible tasting Thanksgiving feast the school cafeteria created.
In conclusion, we are dealing with a "holiday" that takes away an entire week from the busiest time of the year, but gives us nothing in return. OK, it gives me nothing in return, because I don't like turkey and mashed potatoes and all that other stuff people eat on Thanksgiving.
Oh, and I got a massive calf cramp swimming on Wednesday night, and the Wife is sick, and I'm tired, and it's cold, and Buffalo is sitting under about 10 feet of snow, and the days are shorter, and sports jerseys are really expensive, and...and...and.... All of that is the fault of Thanksgiving, too.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Condi Got Some Work to Do
In the immortal words of Barney Stinson, "Challenge accepted."
For those of you looking for a more typical post from me, which often involves more of the "Suburban Dad" in the title than the "Sports," I apologize. For those of you who don't know who Barney Stinson is, I apologize. For those of you confused about all of this, stick with me, all shall be revealed.*
Everyone knows that Condoleezza Rice is the most powerful woman in America. Love her or hate her (and who can really hate her), you have to admire her accomplishments and her abilities. Many don't know (and some, gasp! don't care) that she is a member, the only female member I might add, of the College Football Playoff Selection Committee ("the Committee").
The Committee is a group of people tasked by...well, I don't even know who tasked them...tasked by someone related to college football to name the four teams that will play for the college football national championship. The Committee was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion. I am not making this up. I also promise that I will not give any more history of this...ever.
The biggest piece of evidence that Condi...can I call you Condi? Thanks...is the most powerful woman in America is that she was selected as one of the first two female members at Augusta National. The second biggest is that she is the only female member of the Committee. Of course what good is great power if you can't use it, or perhaps, even abuse it. I think this deserves a closer look.
The most powerful organization in college football is not the NCAA, is not the Southeast Conference and is not, yet at least, Condi. The most powerful organization in college football is the University of Notre Dame. This is the school that has its own network contract. This is the school with more Heisman Trophy winners than any other. This is the school all conferences wanted, the school The Big Ten courted for years, The Big East accepted a "friends with benefits" relationship with just to be affiliated with it, and the school the ACC accepted a slightly better "friends with benefits" relationship with in the hopes that one day Notre Dame will accept the engagement ring offered so many times before. Notre Dame moves the needle and the dollar signs, so Notre Dame must be appeased.
How do you appease Notre Dame if they refuse to play by the same rules as everyone else, even when the entire country is in the midst of a major conference gobbling session? The threat of being left out is no threat at all, thanks to the ACC giving ND a promise ring and dangling the engagement ring in front of the school to be accepted at any time. You have to keep ND in the system another way. Otherwise, the biggest money-maker, by far, is gone and the whole system is threatened. Chaos would ensue. Like Bill Murray said in Ghostbusters, "Dogs and cats living together!" College football needs ND in the system, so college football needs to give them more than everyone else. Under the old system, they had an easier path to the big bowls. Under the new system, they have Condi.
The new system was, theoretically at least, created to make things more fair for everyone. The "little guy" (Boise St., Utah before they joined the PAC-12, etc.) would have a chance to play for the national title. This is, however, big time college football, so we know that isn't true. The trick was to give ND an advantage, but not make it obvious.
How do we do this? We put someone on the Committee who everyone loves (we went through that above), has a connection to ND (earned a Masters there) but not too close a connection (Bachelors and Doctorate earned at University of Denver), who has a connection to another "power conference" school (works at Stanford) that is not a threat (Stanford is always close, but never really a national title contender), is super powerful (member at Augusta - that is the ultimate in power), whose integrity won't be questioned (she's a woman, the only woman, on a college football committee - if anyone is accused of improper behavior she is the last one who will be suspected) and who has some experience in diplomatically convincing others to see things her way (ummm...perhaps a former Secretary of State.) Then tell her to get ND in the playoff. Easy enough...so far.
The problem once you get this far is that you have to deal with a committee. Thirteen people were selected for the committee, and although Condi is the perfect person for the ND conspiracy, some of these people are going to cause trouble. Looking at the members of the Committee, one name immediately jumps out at you: Archie Manning.
Archie is a problem for several reasons. First, it is even more difficult to hate Archie...Can I call you Archie? Thanks... than it is to hate Condi. Second, Archie is football royalty. He had a Hall of Fame college career, and a very successful pro career. Well, statistically a very successful pro career. He engenders great sympathy, though, because he was the quarterback for the woebegone New Orleans Saints. This makes him loveable and admired. He played well, despite being on a terrible team. Third, he is the pater familias of the first family of quarterbacks, siring Peyton, arguably the greatest QB ever, and Eli (once known as "our hero") a two time Super Bowl winner. Fourth, he is firmly rooted in the SEC, having played for an SEC school and sending both his quarterbacking sons to SEC schools. The SEC is a problem, as we will see later. Archie is the person in the room most likely to challenge Condi for the highest combination of respect, admirability, likeability and unnoticed influence over others. He will have to be dealt with.
Condi had several options with Archie. She could have tried to sway him, but Archie seems like his own man and has too many ties to the SEC. That was too big a risk. She could have tried to oppose him with a full frontal assault, but that could show her hand, and the key to the ND conspiracy is secrecy. By taking Archie on directly, others in the room may have started to question Condi's motives. That could blow the whole thing up. So, Archie had to go. Condi went for removal. We can't be sure if she threatened him, hurt him, put Dick Cheney on him or what. Regardless, Archie took leave and is gone.
That leaves 12 members of the Committee left. Obviously, Condi can't oust everyone from the Committee. Archie had to go, but eventually, things would start to look like an Agatha Christie novel, so Condi is going to have to use that diplomacy thing mentioned before. However, it is worth looking at what other moves could (or should) be made.
Jeff Long, the Chair of the Committee, would be a clear candidate for removal. As the Chair, he already wields slightly more power than the rest, and he is the Athletic Director at the University of Arkansas. Arkansas is in the SEC. The SEC is the biggest obstacle to ND's inclusion in the college football playoff, because the SEC, either by reputation or deservedly so, is the most powerful conference in college football. As things currently stand, the SEC has two teams in position to make the playoff (Miss. St. and Auburn), as well as the #5 team (Alabama). The SEC is going to push for two teams in the playoff, so decreasing their influence is a necessity. Unfortunately, ousting Long would look a little too suspicious. If two SEC based members of the Committee, including the Chair, had to leave because they "had a accident", I think people may start to wonder. Condi is smarter than me, so she would have come to the same conclusion. Long is safe.
Condi should be able to easily build a coalition of five people. Tyrone Willingham is a former ND and Stanford coach. He will do whatever Condi says. Lt. Gen. Mike Gould is retired military. Condi can reminisce with him about their warmongering days together and curry his favor. Tom Osborne is a well known conservative crackpot. Dick Cheney will tell him to do whatever Condi wants. He is also from the University of Nebraska, which is a Big Ten school. The Big Ten has no real chance of getting in the playoff this year, so better to curry favor with the Queen of the Committee now and hope to get some payback when (if) the Big Ten ever has a chance in the future. Barry Alvarez played at Nebraska, coached at Nebraska and coached at ND before taking over at Wisconsin, another Big Ten school. He'll fall in line with Osborne.
There are others even the great power of Condi will not be able to sway. Pat Haden (USC) and Dan Radakovich (Clemson) will do everything they can to keep a PAC-12 and ACC school in the playoff, including sell their souls to each other and the SEC. Steve Weiberg is a former reporter. Everyone knows about the liberal media bias and reporters' hatred of Bush and his administration. He will do everything in his power to spite Condi. Mike Tranghese is the former Commissioner of the Big East. The Big East fell apart, in large part due to football. If ND had stuck with the Big East, and joined in football along with all other sports, perhaps the Big East would be thriving as an all sports conference today. But no, the Irish would never commit, and they joined the mass exit with Louisville, Syracuse, etc., joining the ACC of all horrors. I think it is safe to say that Tranghese is no fan of ND.
That leaves things at 5-5, with Tom Jernstedt and Oliver Luck left. Jernstedt is a former NCAA executive vice president. Consistent with the priorities of the NCAA he'll do whatever makes the most money. ND=money, so he is likely to go with Condi.
Oliver Luck. Played at West Virginia. Current Athletic Director at West Virginia. Father of Andrew Luck, the successor to Peyton Manning with the Indianapolis Colts. Oliver Luck. Successful college QB. Father of a potential Hall of Fame QB. I am noticing a trend here. Seems a little too easy, a little too convenient. I'm not saying anything, but if I was Oliver...Can I call you Oliver? Thanks...I wouldn't be taking any "private" meetings with Condi...or accepting that friendly cup of coffee at the beginning of the next Committee meeting.
After two weeks of the College Football Playoff Ranking, Notre Dame is 10th. Clearly, offing Archie didn't do the trick. Condi got some work to do, and if I was Oliver Luck, I'd be watching my back.
*This post was requested by one of my most loyal readers. In the spirit of my church, which had a requested sermon topic given two weeks ago, I decided to give it a shot. Challenge offered, challenge accepted. I hope you enjoyed this little exercise, even if you are not a college football fan. And if anything seems amiss, just remember, everything is a conspiracy. So says Oliver Stone, so says I. Oliver...interesting.
For those of you looking for a more typical post from me, which often involves more of the "Suburban Dad" in the title than the "Sports," I apologize. For those of you who don't know who Barney Stinson is, I apologize. For those of you confused about all of this, stick with me, all shall be revealed.*
Everyone knows that Condoleezza Rice is the most powerful woman in America. Love her or hate her (and who can really hate her), you have to admire her accomplishments and her abilities. Many don't know (and some, gasp! don't care) that she is a member, the only female member I might add, of the College Football Playoff Selection Committee ("the Committee").
The Committee is a group of people tasked by...well, I don't even know who tasked them...tasked by someone related to college football to name the four teams that will play for the college football national championship. The Committee was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion. I am not making this up. I also promise that I will not give any more history of this...ever.
The biggest piece of evidence that Condi...can I call you Condi? Thanks...is the most powerful woman in America is that she was selected as one of the first two female members at Augusta National. The second biggest is that she is the only female member of the Committee. Of course what good is great power if you can't use it, or perhaps, even abuse it. I think this deserves a closer look.
The most powerful organization in college football is not the NCAA, is not the Southeast Conference and is not, yet at least, Condi. The most powerful organization in college football is the University of Notre Dame. This is the school that has its own network contract. This is the school with more Heisman Trophy winners than any other. This is the school all conferences wanted, the school The Big Ten courted for years, The Big East accepted a "friends with benefits" relationship with just to be affiliated with it, and the school the ACC accepted a slightly better "friends with benefits" relationship with in the hopes that one day Notre Dame will accept the engagement ring offered so many times before. Notre Dame moves the needle and the dollar signs, so Notre Dame must be appeased.
How do you appease Notre Dame if they refuse to play by the same rules as everyone else, even when the entire country is in the midst of a major conference gobbling session? The threat of being left out is no threat at all, thanks to the ACC giving ND a promise ring and dangling the engagement ring in front of the school to be accepted at any time. You have to keep ND in the system another way. Otherwise, the biggest money-maker, by far, is gone and the whole system is threatened. Chaos would ensue. Like Bill Murray said in Ghostbusters, "Dogs and cats living together!" College football needs ND in the system, so college football needs to give them more than everyone else. Under the old system, they had an easier path to the big bowls. Under the new system, they have Condi.
The new system was, theoretically at least, created to make things more fair for everyone. The "little guy" (Boise St., Utah before they joined the PAC-12, etc.) would have a chance to play for the national title. This is, however, big time college football, so we know that isn't true. The trick was to give ND an advantage, but not make it obvious.
How do we do this? We put someone on the Committee who everyone loves (we went through that above), has a connection to ND (earned a Masters there) but not too close a connection (Bachelors and Doctorate earned at University of Denver), who has a connection to another "power conference" school (works at Stanford) that is not a threat (Stanford is always close, but never really a national title contender), is super powerful (member at Augusta - that is the ultimate in power), whose integrity won't be questioned (she's a woman, the only woman, on a college football committee - if anyone is accused of improper behavior she is the last one who will be suspected) and who has some experience in diplomatically convincing others to see things her way (ummm...perhaps a former Secretary of State.) Then tell her to get ND in the playoff. Easy enough...so far.
The problem once you get this far is that you have to deal with a committee. Thirteen people were selected for the committee, and although Condi is the perfect person for the ND conspiracy, some of these people are going to cause trouble. Looking at the members of the Committee, one name immediately jumps out at you: Archie Manning.
Archie is a problem for several reasons. First, it is even more difficult to hate Archie...Can I call you Archie? Thanks... than it is to hate Condi. Second, Archie is football royalty. He had a Hall of Fame college career, and a very successful pro career. Well, statistically a very successful pro career. He engenders great sympathy, though, because he was the quarterback for the woebegone New Orleans Saints. This makes him loveable and admired. He played well, despite being on a terrible team. Third, he is the pater familias of the first family of quarterbacks, siring Peyton, arguably the greatest QB ever, and Eli (once known as "our hero") a two time Super Bowl winner. Fourth, he is firmly rooted in the SEC, having played for an SEC school and sending both his quarterbacking sons to SEC schools. The SEC is a problem, as we will see later. Archie is the person in the room most likely to challenge Condi for the highest combination of respect, admirability, likeability and unnoticed influence over others. He will have to be dealt with.
Condi had several options with Archie. She could have tried to sway him, but Archie seems like his own man and has too many ties to the SEC. That was too big a risk. She could have tried to oppose him with a full frontal assault, but that could show her hand, and the key to the ND conspiracy is secrecy. By taking Archie on directly, others in the room may have started to question Condi's motives. That could blow the whole thing up. So, Archie had to go. Condi went for removal. We can't be sure if she threatened him, hurt him, put Dick Cheney on him or what. Regardless, Archie took leave and is gone.
That leaves 12 members of the Committee left. Obviously, Condi can't oust everyone from the Committee. Archie had to go, but eventually, things would start to look like an Agatha Christie novel, so Condi is going to have to use that diplomacy thing mentioned before. However, it is worth looking at what other moves could (or should) be made.
Jeff Long, the Chair of the Committee, would be a clear candidate for removal. As the Chair, he already wields slightly more power than the rest, and he is the Athletic Director at the University of Arkansas. Arkansas is in the SEC. The SEC is the biggest obstacle to ND's inclusion in the college football playoff, because the SEC, either by reputation or deservedly so, is the most powerful conference in college football. As things currently stand, the SEC has two teams in position to make the playoff (Miss. St. and Auburn), as well as the #5 team (Alabama). The SEC is going to push for two teams in the playoff, so decreasing their influence is a necessity. Unfortunately, ousting Long would look a little too suspicious. If two SEC based members of the Committee, including the Chair, had to leave because they "had a accident", I think people may start to wonder. Condi is smarter than me, so she would have come to the same conclusion. Long is safe.
Condi should be able to easily build a coalition of five people. Tyrone Willingham is a former ND and Stanford coach. He will do whatever Condi says. Lt. Gen. Mike Gould is retired military. Condi can reminisce with him about their warmongering days together and curry his favor. Tom Osborne is a well known conservative crackpot. Dick Cheney will tell him to do whatever Condi wants. He is also from the University of Nebraska, which is a Big Ten school. The Big Ten has no real chance of getting in the playoff this year, so better to curry favor with the Queen of the Committee now and hope to get some payback when (if) the Big Ten ever has a chance in the future. Barry Alvarez played at Nebraska, coached at Nebraska and coached at ND before taking over at Wisconsin, another Big Ten school. He'll fall in line with Osborne.
There are others even the great power of Condi will not be able to sway. Pat Haden (USC) and Dan Radakovich (Clemson) will do everything they can to keep a PAC-12 and ACC school in the playoff, including sell their souls to each other and the SEC. Steve Weiberg is a former reporter. Everyone knows about the liberal media bias and reporters' hatred of Bush and his administration. He will do everything in his power to spite Condi. Mike Tranghese is the former Commissioner of the Big East. The Big East fell apart, in large part due to football. If ND had stuck with the Big East, and joined in football along with all other sports, perhaps the Big East would be thriving as an all sports conference today. But no, the Irish would never commit, and they joined the mass exit with Louisville, Syracuse, etc., joining the ACC of all horrors. I think it is safe to say that Tranghese is no fan of ND.
That leaves things at 5-5, with Tom Jernstedt and Oliver Luck left. Jernstedt is a former NCAA executive vice president. Consistent with the priorities of the NCAA he'll do whatever makes the most money. ND=money, so he is likely to go with Condi.
Oliver Luck. Played at West Virginia. Current Athletic Director at West Virginia. Father of Andrew Luck, the successor to Peyton Manning with the Indianapolis Colts. Oliver Luck. Successful college QB. Father of a potential Hall of Fame QB. I am noticing a trend here. Seems a little too easy, a little too convenient. I'm not saying anything, but if I was Oliver...Can I call you Oliver? Thanks...I wouldn't be taking any "private" meetings with Condi...or accepting that friendly cup of coffee at the beginning of the next Committee meeting.
After two weeks of the College Football Playoff Ranking, Notre Dame is 10th. Clearly, offing Archie didn't do the trick. Condi got some work to do, and if I was Oliver Luck, I'd be watching my back.
*This post was requested by one of my most loyal readers. In the spirit of my church, which had a requested sermon topic given two weeks ago, I decided to give it a shot. Challenge offered, challenge accepted. I hope you enjoyed this little exercise, even if you are not a college football fan. And if anything seems amiss, just remember, everything is a conspiracy. So says Oliver Stone, so says I. Oliver...interesting.
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