I am the youngest of 13 cousins on my mother's side. I have not spent a great deal of time with most of my cousins, due in part to age and in part to geography. Many of my cousins lived in Rhode Island for most of their young lives, while I spent the first 5 years of mine travelling the world as a Navy Brat, and the next 37 years rooted in Virginia, simply being a brat.
My most vivid memories of spending time with my cousins were at various weddings. As the youngest of 13, extending in age over at least 15 years, I started attending these weddings around the age of 10. Eventually, I became fairly popular, because I turned 16 and had a driver's license. Then my cousins enjoyed me as the designated driver, from weddings to after parties and then home. I didn't really mind being the designated driver at 16 or 17, because my parents were always around, so its not like I was going to be boozing it up at the wedding anyway. I got some great stories spending time with my older and somewhat less sober cousins, and their increasing number of spouses and significant others. This time period was perfect, because they were getting married and having fun, but not yet having children.
I can't say I received many pearls of wisdom during this time period. Most of the talk was humorous and drunken. However, one comment from a "cousin-in-law" when I was about 17 years has always stuck in my mind. I was probably entering my senior year of high school, so my cousins were interested in where I was planning to go to college. Most of them were finished with school, so I think they enjoyed seeing me in the joys of high school and I imagine I made some comments about looking forward to finishing high school and heading to college. It was then that my "cousin-in-law" said, "High school felt like it took 8 years, college felt like 6 months."
I don't know why that comment stuck with me. Probably because I didn't believe it at the time, and I can't say I feel like it is true. My high school experience was generally good, so I didn't feel like it dragged on too much and college didn't blow right by me. Maybe college felt like it lasted longer because I did three years of law school and didn't exactly stop living like a college kid for three more years. Regardless, I have always remembered the comment, but never put much stock in it.
And then 20 years later...
I attended my 20th reunion Homecoming at The College of William and Mary this past weekend. I have no idea how 20 years have passed. College may not have felt like 6 months, but the last 20 years certainly have not felt like 20 years. To think I have spent more of my life after college than I spent before college is a bit surreal.
I don't, however, want this to turn into a whiney, "Where did the time go?" look at the last 20 years. Or the last 42 for that matter. I enjoyed my 20th reunion Homecoming, and would rather remember the good times from this past weekend, and from 20 years ago.
The first thing I noticed was that the difference between college kids and recent graduates is indistinguishable to people like me. Many people, myself included, had buttons with their graduating year on them. These were quite helpful. However, it was a little disturbing to see a very young looking person wearing an '08 button. The fact that that person (who am I kidding? Those people) have been out of college for 6 years is almost as scary as the fact that I have been out for 20.
The second thing I noticed was that a lot of people from my class, and my era, were not there. I know we missed three soccer practices, one (two day) swim meet, three soccer games, a school party/fund-raiser and a campout to attend Homecoming this year. I imagine many other people were in the same situation and decided to miss Homecoming, rather than 20 other events for the kids. The Wife and I were glad for the break and happy that we didn't have to figure out how to manage all of the events that were planned for this past weekend.
The advantage of going to Homecoming for my 20th reunion is that many of the people there had children the same, or close to the same, age as mine. All three boys had a great time playing with new friends. They likely won't see these new friends again for several years, if ever, but for this weekend, it was fun to see the children of my friends become my children's friends.
Ultimately, though, it was great to see people I haven't seen in the last 6 months to 20 years. I admit I was a little apprehensive about Homecoming. Would I be nostalgic? Would it be weird? Would I realize that the people I was friends with in college have changed, or I have changed, and we don't have anything in common, or we just don't like each other anymore? I don't mean that as a bad thing. People change as they grow older and sometimes they just don't click like they used to. I saw that happen during four years of high school and four years of college. It is not a big jump to say that over 20 years, some of the people who were my friends just aren't my friends anymore.
What I learned was that the people I truly enjoyed 20 years ago, I still enjoy today. Maybe it is the shared experience of four years. I had two major influences on me in college: the swim team and my fraternity. I had close friends in both organizations, not one of whom overlapped. I enjoyed seeing friends from both. The people I really liked in college, I still really like today. The people who weren't that important then, still aren't today. Twenty years may have passed, but I apparently like the same people now as I did then.
Shortly after I graduated, I remember thinking about what I missed most. It was the closeness. My best friend lived in the same room as me. Other good friends were a walk down the hall, or a short trip across campus. People went to the same parties and the same delis (bars). Swimming friends were at swim practice, swim meets and swim events. No one was difficult to find or see or hang out with. After college, people went their own ways. Some of my closest friends lived with me, but others lived on the other side of the city, or the other side of the country. It wasn't as easy to find them, see them or hang out. When kids and family activities entered the picture, it became even harder. And to be honest, I don't try enough.
Maybe that is why I enjoyed this past weekend so much. For just a couple days, I had the closeness back. I ran into the same people in several different places, because we all went back to our old hang-outs. When trying to meet up with friends, no one was ever more than a few minutes away. Sure, kids and family and obligations got in the way a little, but it was easier to deal with because of the closeness. Everyone was easy to find, easy to see and easy to hang out with.
I won't be going back anytime soon. Kids activities and family obligations make it difficult at this point in my life. But the next time, most likely in 5 years, I won't be apprehensive. I am looking forward to going and I hope to see the same people, and perhaps a few more.
I try to keep things fairly anonymous in this blog. I won't mention anyone by name. Those of you who I enjoyed seeing and spending time with...you know who you are. Thank you. It was great to see you and re-live the old days for a short period.
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