Random Observations

It has been a while.  I have a few drafts started, but need some additional inspiration to finish my thoughts.  I had set a goal not to let too much time go between posts, so to fulfill my goal, I offer the following random observations on sports, parenthood, suburban life and fat old men:

- The University of Wisconsin-Whitewater won the Division III national championship in baseball yesterday.  They won the Division III national championship in men's basketball earlier this year and the Division III national championship in football last fall.  That's a pretty impressive athletic year for the Warhawks.

- A winter of snow, ice and cold in the mid-Atlantic creates a spring of potholes.

- Memorial Day weekend may be the best weekend of the year.  My three boys went to the pool all three days and were as happy as they could be.  The Wife and I grilled all three nights and had three fantastic dinners.  I even drank a couple beers to celebrate.

- That said, I am reminded of my brother-in-law-in-law (my brother's wife's brother) who was killed in action in Iraq almost eight years ago.  Memorial Day is a wonderful holiday weekend, the beginning of summer, and should be enjoyed.  Just take a moment to remember what we are celebrating, or remembering.

- Unfortunately, Memorial Day is not really the beginning of summer.  All three boys had to go back to school on Tuesday, quite exhausted.  Only four weeks of school left.  Only...yeah, right.

- I don't know if the crazy weather we have had the last several years is global warming related or not.  I do know that Eldest does not like having soccer practice cancelled by thunderstorms, an event of increasing frequency these last couple of weeks.

- Thunderstorms also don't help summer swim practice.  For some reason, outdoor pools close when thunder is heard.

- If the Miami Heat win their third straight NBA title in the next couple of weeks, Middle will become unbearable and Eldest might kill him.  This morning, Middle was upset because Eldest told him, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID HEAT!"  All I could think to say was, "Don't call them stupid."

- If the Heat lose I should probably temper my glee.  I am not a Heat fan, so I don't want them to lose, and Middle needs some humbling, but trash talking to my devastated seven your old son seems unseemly.

- The World Cup begins in three weeks.  I have considered doing an Olympics-like World Cup month, but I don't have it in me.  I am looking forward to the games and will cover the US team with gusto, but I can't do every day.

- Yesterday was the first summer swim practice and a new parents' meeting for the local summer swim team.  I think anyone who can swim a little can benefit from summer swimming, both in swimming ability and socialized fun.  However, some of these people are going to get a pretty fast lesson in the difference between a kid who can swim pretty well and a swimmer.  They aren't the same thing, by a lot.

- If the last few days and the weather report for next week are any sign, the mild summer we experienced last year was an anomoly.

- My former swim coach convinced me I needed a pair of fins for when I swim.  He then gave me a pair, which was a good way to get me to use them.  I wear them when I am doing kick sets and for about 1/3 of my swimming.  They make me feel fast.  I'm not fast, but at least I feel fast.

- College girls softball is fun to watch.  They almost all look very athletic.  They almost all have long hair pulled back into an extremely tight pony tail.  They almost all wear a bow in that hair, I guess to emphasize the point that they are girls.  Almost every team has a couple of players who are certainly worth the time to look at, too.  I give it a 7.5 out of 10.

- Rest in Peace, US Tennis.

- If you are going to throw out the ceremonial first pitch of a baseball game, please, please please, practice.

- For the past month and a half, I have been swimming twice a week during Eldest's practices.  I have worked my way up to 3000 yards, which I feel good about.  Of course, Eldest's practice schedule has now changed, so that is over.

- Middle has decided he wants to wear a "Speedo" (little tiny bathing suit):



this year instead of jammers:


He is very proud.  He doesn't understand why people tell him he looks funny.  For the record, Middle doesn't look like Ryan Lochte wearing his "Speedo", but I thought I would throw a bone to the Wife, and other female readers.

- But, to be fair, Chloe Sutton:



- Is it ironic that Middle is in a play about the rights of bugs and the exterminator came to our house last week?

- Baseball is a long, long season...

- That somehow doesn't seem as long as the NHL playoffs.

- Maybe I am just bitter that the Caps failed to make it.

- Stanley Tucci makes everything better.

- Is it possible Mark Cuban would make a great president?

- Youngest loves the pool.  He is teaching himself to swim and does backflips in the water.  This has shamed many an older child.

- I love the day I discovered the Vevo Channel on Roku.  I regret the day I introduced "Everyboby (Backstreet's Back)" to my boys.  Although seeing the three of them dancing to the song in Eldest's room last night was one of those small, cherished moments of parenthood.

- I bought some mirrored goggles at the swim store over the weekend.  Those plus the fins make me look cool.  Ok, maybe not, but give me something.

- It is almost impossible to watch The Hunger Games:  Catching Fire, without the song Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys going through your head at some point.

- Lance Stephenson has admitted that trash talking LeBron James was a mistake.  Ya think?

- Rory McIlroy split up with Caroline Wozniaki and won his first tournament of the year a week later.  Caroline lost in the first round of the French Open.  That's pretty much all you need to know about that relationship.  I'd gladly console Caroline, though.

- Things to look forward to in the next three months:  Tour de France; Men's and Women's US Opens in back-to-back weeks, both from Pinehurst No. 2; Wimbledon; NBA Draft (Middle can't wait); World Cup; Michael Phelps continuing to swim; summer weather and scantily clad people; my limited time as the father of a teenage girl; the eventual end of hockey playoffs; the eventual end of basketball playoffs; more baseball; more baseball; even more baseball; and much, much more.

Enjoy the summer.  I'll be back, soon.

Looking in the Mirror

Middle has become obsessed with sports.  He is a seven year old boy, who knows nothing, thinks he knows everything, asks thousands of questions, speculates on anything and has no filter for arrogant comments.  I look at him right now and think to myself, "Wow!  I must have been a really annoying kid."

The ultimate curse on a parent is to have a child just like them.  I have heard this somewhere, and seen parents wish such a curse on their children in various television shows and movies.  When you consider the old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," you understand that most parents are subject to this curse.  However, when you look at your middle child and think "would you just shut up" a mere millisecond before realizing you were exactly the same way, that old saying about the apple is no consolation.  You simply have to accept that you are raising an arrogant know-it-all kid, who is your punishment for being an arrogant know-it-all kid.

Middle's sports obsession began with Lebron James.  For reasons I still can't discover, Middle became a HUGE Lebron fan about two years ago.  At the time, his "fandom" was limited to talking about Lebron, talking about wanting to see Lebron play and not watching basketball on TV.  He spent the entire 2012 Olympics asking me when the US National team was going to play and watched a grand total of 3 minutes of Olympic basketball.

His obsession with Lebron has grown, and he now watches games from time to time.  Watching can not, however, prevent him from playing.  Every chance he gets, he heads outside to dribble the ball and shoot hoops.  He is hoping the Miami Heat will draft him, after he plays at the University of Miami.  At least this obsession has not turned him into a Marlins and Dolphins fan.

Admittedly, the Wife and I have not done much to dissuade the Lebron obsession.  We gave him a Lebron jersey for Christmas.  I make sure to save Lebron highlights for him on SportsCenter.  We gave him two basketball video games, which have resulted in a vast array of name-dropping as Middle learns more NBA players through the games.  The games have also turned Youngest into a fan of the Utah Jazz (because "Utah Jazz" sounds hysterical to a four year old) and the Milwaukee Bucks (I have no idea.)

One of the many things Middle has not learned is that NBA teams are fluid.  He was appalled when I told him that Ray Allen used to be a Boston Celtic.  He hates the Dallas Mavericks and Dirk Nowitski (really?  who can hate Dirk?) because they beat Miami in the Finals three years ago.  His second least favorite player on the Mavericks is "Kidd", meaning Jason Kidd.  I did enjoy blowing his mind with the information that "Kidd" is now the coach of the Brooklyn Nets, and not a player for the Mavericks.  I'm not sure he even understood that for several days.

Middle's newest obsession is with the NFL Draft and Johnny Manziel.  Last night, he insisted on being told who drafted Manziel.  When told that the draft started at 8 and he would be in bed before Manziel was drafted, he was not happy.  He did insist that I tell him first thing this morning who picked Manziel.  He also wanted to know if the Cowboys would get him (I am assuming he wanted them to, I did not), if Manziel got to choose what team he went to and what team Manziel wanted to play for.  That last piece of information gives you some insight into the minute details Middle requires.  He wants to know what is going on in Johnny Football's head.

The Manziel thing I at least understand.  Middle's grandmother gave him a subscription to SI for Kids for Christmas and he devours the monthly magazine each time it arrives.  At some point he read an article about Manziel, so now he must know all things Manziel.  I just hope he doesn't become a Cleveland Browns fan.

Generally, I am glad Middle is becoming a sports fan.  I love sports and have always looked forward to sharing that love with my children.  The problem is that he is annoying.  He thinks he knows everything, but he asks a ton of questions.  For example, yesterday, he asked me who in our family knows the most about basketball.  When I told him it was me, he told me he would pass me soon.  This coming from someone who doesn't know who Karl Malone is.  He does know what team has won the most NBA Championships and that Lebron's competition for greatest player ever is Michael Jordan (thus his distaste for MJ).  He at least knows who Magic Johnson is (I had to make sure of that), but I am fairly certain he would have no idea who that guy running the Pacers is.  If I told him about Larry Bird, he might explode.  He hates the Celtics (due to their repeated defeats of Lebron while in Cleveland) and he hates the Pacers (because they are the Heat's top Eastern Conference rival).  A Celtic running the Pacers?  Might as well be the Devil.

He is also arrogant when his teams (namely, the Heat) do well, but pouts and cries when they don't win.  "Pouts and cries" is an understatement.  While watching Heat-Nets highlights from last night he reacted as if he had just won an Olympic Gold Medal.  If the Heat fail to win the NBA title, he may bring the house down.  Add to this, he is a trash talker.  He never misses an opportunity to brag about the Heat's achievements and downplay anything anyone else does.  I was explaining a seven game series to him and he interrupted me to tell me the Heat are winning 2-0 and the Wizards are tied 1-1.  If he wasn't seven years old I would have spent the next 5 minutes explaining to him every fault of every Heat player, including Battier's wrinkled head, in words that he wouldn't understand but may make him cry.  We grow out of being the arrogant know-it-all kid, but he still lives inside us.

Eldest is not obsessed with sports.  Eldest likes sports, but has other interests.  He also has followed my footsteps as far as favorite teams.  That, of course, means he is subjected to life as a Wizards fan.  For a few years, this has been irrelevant, because so have the Wizards.  A casual Wizards fan stops caring in December and stops paying attention before April.  This year, the Wiz made the playoffs and look pretty good.  Casual fans noticed.  Eldest really wants the Wizards to do well and even wants to watch some of the games.

That now puts us on a collision course.  If the Wizards beat the Pacers (about a 50/50 proposition right now) and the Heat beat the Nets (almost guaranteed), the Eastern Conference Finals will be Heat-Wiz.  The house will be divided.  If the Heat win (OK, when the Heat win), Middle is going to be unbearable.  If a miracle happens and the Wiz win, Middle will get the metaphorical sports spanking he so richly deserves, as well as some choice words from his older brother.  Either way, this will be a tough week or so in our house.  Probably with some long lasting scars.

I think I understand now why my father never seemed like much of a sports fan when I was growing up.