Condi Got Some Work to Do

In the immortal words of Barney Stinson, "Challenge accepted."


For those of you looking for a more typical post from me, which often involves more of the "Suburban Dad" in the title than the "Sports," I apologize.  For those of you who don't know who Barney Stinson is, I apologize.  For those of you confused about all of this, stick with me, all shall be revealed.*


Everyone knows that Condoleezza Rice is the most powerful woman in America.  Love her or hate her (and who can really hate her), you have to admire her accomplishments and her abilities.  Many don't know (and some, gasp! don't care) that she is a member, the only female member I might add, of the College Football Playoff Selection Committee ("the Committee").


The Committee is a group of people tasked by...well, I don't even know who tasked them...tasked by someone related to college football to name the four teams that will play for the college football national championship.  The Committee was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion, which was created because people were unsatisfied with the previous method of naming a national champion.  I am not making this up.  I also promise that I will not give any more history of this...ever.


The biggest piece of evidence that Condi...can I call you Condi?  Thanks...is the most powerful woman in America is that she was selected as one of the first two female members at Augusta National.  The second biggest is that she is the only female member of the Committee.  Of course what good is great power if you can't use it, or perhaps, even abuse it.  I think this deserves a closer look.


The most powerful organization in college football is not the NCAA, is not the Southeast Conference and is not, yet at least, Condi.  The most powerful organization in college football is the University of Notre Dame.  This is the school that has its own network contract.  This is the school with more Heisman Trophy winners than any other.  This is the school all conferences wanted, the school The Big Ten courted for years, The Big East accepted a "friends with benefits" relationship with just to be affiliated with it, and the school the ACC accepted a slightly better "friends with benefits" relationship with in the hopes that one day Notre Dame will accept the engagement ring offered so many times before.  Notre Dame moves the needle and the dollar signs, so Notre Dame must be appeased.


How do you appease Notre Dame if they refuse to play by the same rules as everyone else, even when the entire country is in the midst of a major conference gobbling session?  The threat of being left out is no threat at all, thanks to the ACC giving ND a promise ring and dangling the engagement ring in front of the school to be accepted at any time.  You have to keep ND in the system another way.  Otherwise, the biggest money-maker, by far, is gone and the whole system is threatened.  Chaos would ensue.  Like Bill Murray said in Ghostbusters, "Dogs and cats living together!"  College football needs ND in the system, so college football needs to give them more than everyone else.  Under the old system, they had an easier path to the big bowls.  Under the new system, they have Condi.


The new system was, theoretically at least, created to make things more fair for everyone.  The "little guy" (Boise St., Utah before they joined the PAC-12, etc.) would have a chance to play for the national title.  This is, however, big time college football, so we know that isn't true.  The trick was to give ND an advantage, but not make it obvious.


How do we do this?  We put someone on the Committee who everyone loves (we went through that above), has a connection to ND (earned a Masters there) but not too close a connection (Bachelors and Doctorate earned at University of Denver), who has a connection to another "power conference" school (works at Stanford) that is not a threat (Stanford is always close, but never really a national title contender), is super powerful (member at Augusta - that is the ultimate in power), whose integrity won't be questioned (she's a woman, the only woman, on a college football committee - if anyone is accused of improper behavior she is the last one who will be suspected) and who has some experience in diplomatically convincing others to see things her way (ummm...perhaps a former Secretary of State.)  Then tell her to get ND in the playoff.  Easy enough...so far.


The problem once you get this far is that you have to deal with a committee.  Thirteen people were selected for the committee, and although Condi is the perfect person for the ND conspiracy, some of these people are going to cause trouble.  Looking at the members of the Committee, one name immediately jumps out at you:  Archie Manning.


Archie is a problem for several reasons.  First, it is even more difficult to hate Archie...Can I call you Archie?  Thanks... than it is to hate Condi.  Second, Archie is football royalty.  He had a Hall of Fame college career, and a very successful pro career.  Well, statistically a very successful pro career.  He engenders great sympathy, though, because he was the quarterback for the woebegone New Orleans Saints.  This makes him loveable and admired.  He played well, despite being on a terrible team.  Third, he is the pater familias of the first family of quarterbacks, siring Peyton, arguably the greatest QB ever, and Eli (once known as "our hero") a two time Super Bowl winner.  Fourth, he is firmly rooted in the SEC, having played for an SEC school and sending both his quarterbacking sons to SEC schools.  The SEC is a problem, as we will see later.  Archie is the person in the room most likely to challenge Condi for the highest combination of respect, admirability, likeability and unnoticed influence over others.  He will have to be dealt with.


Condi had several options with Archie.  She could have tried to sway him, but Archie seems like his own man and has too many ties to the SEC.  That was too big a risk.  She could have tried to oppose him with a full frontal assault, but that could show her hand, and the key to the ND conspiracy is secrecy.  By taking Archie on directly, others in the room may have started to question Condi's motives.  That could blow the whole thing up.  So, Archie had to go.  Condi went for removal.  We can't be sure if she threatened him, hurt him, put Dick Cheney on him or what.  Regardless, Archie took leave and is gone.


That leaves 12 members of the Committee left.  Obviously, Condi can't oust everyone from the Committee.  Archie had to go, but eventually, things would start to look like an Agatha Christie novel, so Condi is going to have to use that diplomacy thing mentioned before.  However, it is worth looking at what other moves could (or should) be made.


Jeff Long, the Chair of the Committee, would be a clear candidate for removal.  As the Chair, he already wields slightly more power than the rest, and he is the Athletic Director at the University of Arkansas.  Arkansas is in the SEC.  The SEC is the biggest obstacle to ND's inclusion in the college football playoff, because the SEC, either by reputation or deservedly so, is the most powerful conference in college football.  As things currently stand, the SEC has two teams in position to make the playoff (Miss. St. and Auburn), as well as the #5 team (Alabama).  The SEC is going to push for two teams in the playoff, so decreasing their influence is a necessity.  Unfortunately, ousting Long would look a little too suspicious.  If two SEC based members of the Committee, including the Chair, had to leave because they "had a accident", I think people may start to wonder.  Condi is smarter than me, so she would have come to the same conclusion.  Long is safe.


 Condi should be able to easily build a coalition of five people.  Tyrone Willingham is a former ND and Stanford coach.  He will do whatever Condi says.  Lt. Gen. Mike Gould is retired military.  Condi can reminisce with him about their warmongering days together and curry his favor.  Tom Osborne is a well known conservative crackpot.  Dick Cheney will tell him to do whatever Condi wants.  He is also from the University of Nebraska, which is a Big Ten school.  The Big Ten has no real chance of getting in the playoff this year, so better to curry favor with the Queen of the Committee now and hope to get some payback when (if) the Big Ten ever has a chance in the future.  Barry Alvarez played at Nebraska, coached at Nebraska and coached at ND before taking over at Wisconsin, another Big Ten school.  He'll fall in line with Osborne.


There are others even the great power of Condi will not be able to sway.  Pat Haden (USC) and Dan Radakovich (Clemson) will do everything they can to keep a PAC-12 and ACC school in the playoff, including sell their souls to each other and the SEC.  Steve Weiberg is a former reporter.  Everyone knows about the liberal media bias and reporters' hatred of Bush and his administration.  He will do everything in his power to spite Condi.  Mike Tranghese is the former Commissioner of the Big East.  The Big East fell apart, in large part due to football.  If ND had stuck with the Big East, and joined in football along with all other sports, perhaps the Big East would be thriving as an all sports conference today.  But no, the Irish would never commit, and they joined the mass exit with Louisville, Syracuse, etc., joining the ACC of all horrors.  I think it is safe to say that Tranghese is no fan of ND.


That leaves things at 5-5, with Tom Jernstedt and Oliver Luck left.  Jernstedt is a former NCAA executive vice president.  Consistent with the priorities of the NCAA he'll do whatever makes the most money.  ND=money, so he is likely to go with Condi.


Oliver Luck.  Played at West Virginia.  Current Athletic Director at West Virginia.  Father of Andrew Luck, the successor to Peyton Manning with the Indianapolis Colts.  Oliver Luck.  Successful college QB.  Father of a potential Hall of Fame QB.  I am noticing a trend here.  Seems a little too easy, a little too convenient.  I'm not saying anything, but if I was Oliver...Can I call you Oliver?  Thanks...I wouldn't be taking any "private" meetings with Condi...or accepting that friendly cup of coffee at the beginning of the next Committee meeting.


After two weeks of the College Football Playoff Ranking, Notre Dame is 10th.  Clearly, offing Archie didn't do the trick.  Condi got some work to do, and if I was Oliver Luck, I'd be watching my back.


*This post was requested by one of my most loyal readers.  In the spirit of my church, which had a requested sermon topic given two weeks ago, I decided to give it a shot.  Challenge offered, challenge accepted.  I hope you enjoyed this little exercise, even if you are not a college football fan.  And if anything seems amiss, just remember, everything is a conspiracy.  So says Oliver Stone, so says I.  Oliver...interesting.