Middle has become obsessed with sports. He is a seven year old boy, who knows nothing, thinks he knows everything, asks thousands of questions, speculates on anything and has no filter for arrogant comments. I look at him right now and think to myself, "Wow! I must have been a really annoying kid."
The ultimate curse on a parent is to have a child just like them. I have heard this somewhere, and seen parents wish such a curse on their children in various television shows and movies. When you consider the old saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," you understand that most parents are subject to this curse. However, when you look at your middle child and think "would you just shut up" a mere millisecond before realizing you were exactly the same way, that old saying about the apple is no consolation. You simply have to accept that you are raising an arrogant know-it-all kid, who is your punishment for being an arrogant know-it-all kid.
Middle's sports obsession began with Lebron James. For reasons I still can't discover, Middle became a HUGE Lebron fan about two years ago. At the time, his "fandom" was limited to talking about Lebron, talking about wanting to see Lebron play and not watching basketball on TV. He spent the entire 2012 Olympics asking me when the US National team was going to play and watched a grand total of 3 minutes of Olympic basketball.
His obsession with Lebron has grown, and he now watches games from time to time. Watching can not, however, prevent him from playing. Every chance he gets, he heads outside to dribble the ball and shoot hoops. He is hoping the Miami Heat will draft him, after he plays at the University of Miami. At least this obsession has not turned him into a Marlins and Dolphins fan.
Admittedly, the Wife and I have not done much to dissuade the Lebron obsession. We gave him a Lebron jersey for Christmas. I make sure to save Lebron highlights for him on SportsCenter. We gave him two basketball video games, which have resulted in a vast array of name-dropping as Middle learns more NBA players through the games. The games have also turned Youngest into a fan of the Utah Jazz (because "Utah Jazz" sounds hysterical to a four year old) and the Milwaukee Bucks (I have no idea.)
One of the many things Middle has not learned is that NBA teams are fluid. He was appalled when I told him that Ray Allen used to be a Boston Celtic. He hates the Dallas Mavericks and Dirk Nowitski (really? who can hate Dirk?) because they beat Miami in the Finals three years ago. His second least favorite player on the Mavericks is "Kidd", meaning Jason Kidd. I did enjoy blowing his mind with the information that "Kidd" is now the coach of the Brooklyn Nets, and not a player for the Mavericks. I'm not sure he even understood that for several days.
Middle's newest obsession is with the NFL Draft and Johnny Manziel. Last night, he insisted on being told who drafted Manziel. When told that the draft started at 8 and he would be in bed before Manziel was drafted, he was not happy. He did insist that I tell him first thing this morning who picked Manziel. He also wanted to know if the Cowboys would get him (I am assuming he wanted them to, I did not), if Manziel got to choose what team he went to and what team Manziel wanted to play for. That last piece of information gives you some insight into the minute details Middle requires. He wants to know what is going on in Johnny Football's head.
The Manziel thing I at least understand. Middle's grandmother gave him a subscription to SI for Kids for Christmas and he devours the monthly magazine each time it arrives. At some point he read an article about Manziel, so now he must know all things Manziel. I just hope he doesn't become a Cleveland Browns fan.
Generally, I am glad Middle is becoming a sports fan. I love sports and have always looked forward to sharing that love with my children. The problem is that he is annoying. He thinks he knows everything, but he asks a ton of questions. For example, yesterday, he asked me who in our family knows the most about basketball. When I told him it was me, he told me he would pass me soon. This coming from someone who doesn't know who Karl Malone is. He does know what team has won the most NBA Championships and that Lebron's competition for greatest player ever is Michael Jordan (thus his distaste for MJ). He at least knows who Magic Johnson is (I had to make sure of that), but I am fairly certain he would have no idea who that guy running the Pacers is. If I told him about Larry Bird, he might explode. He hates the Celtics (due to their repeated defeats of Lebron while in Cleveland) and he hates the Pacers (because they are the Heat's top Eastern Conference rival). A Celtic running the Pacers? Might as well be the Devil.
He is also arrogant when his teams (namely, the Heat) do well, but pouts and cries when they don't win. "Pouts and cries" is an understatement. While watching Heat-Nets highlights from last night he reacted as if he had just won an Olympic Gold Medal. If the Heat fail to win the NBA title, he may bring the house down. Add to this, he is a trash talker. He never misses an opportunity to brag about the Heat's achievements and downplay anything anyone else does. I was explaining a seven game series to him and he interrupted me to tell me the Heat are winning 2-0 and the Wizards are tied 1-1. If he wasn't seven years old I would have spent the next 5 minutes explaining to him every fault of every Heat player, including Battier's wrinkled head, in words that he wouldn't understand but may make him cry. We grow out of being the arrogant know-it-all kid, but he still lives inside us.
Eldest is not obsessed with sports. Eldest likes sports, but has other interests. He also has followed my footsteps as far as favorite teams. That, of course, means he is subjected to life as a Wizards fan. For a few years, this has been irrelevant, because so have the Wizards. A casual Wizards fan stops caring in December and stops paying attention before April. This year, the Wiz made the playoffs and look pretty good. Casual fans noticed. Eldest really wants the Wizards to do well and even wants to watch some of the games.
That now puts us on a collision course. If the Wizards beat the Pacers (about a 50/50 proposition right now) and the Heat beat the Nets (almost guaranteed), the Eastern Conference Finals will be Heat-Wiz. The house will be divided. If the Heat win (OK, when the Heat win), Middle is going to be unbearable. If a miracle happens and the Wiz win, Middle will get the metaphorical sports spanking he so richly deserves, as well as some choice words from his older brother. Either way, this will be a tough week or so in our house. Probably with some long lasting scars.
I think I understand now why my father never seemed like much of a sports fan when I was growing up.
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