Every once in a while a suburban parent needs to find themselves somewhere without children. This past weekend, I went to my place. Annually, I meet up with a number of friends for a golf weekend. I say a "number" because it used to be a group of 8. Ironically, a few years ago we had an email argument about whether or not we should expand the number to include more than 8. Since that argument, the number of people has declined. This past weekend we had 5. I am sure we could find more people who want to participate in a golf weekend, but this is a special group of people. I'm not even sure how I fit in but we have discussed how none of us can think of anyone else who would fit just right. So, as people have bailed for various reasons, our numbers have dwindled.
I know a golf weekend for "the boys" is not unusual and is perhaps a bit cliche'. I know thousands of suburban dads leave the children and wives for a golf weekend and act in ways they probably do not when at home. I know we are not unique. But, as I drove home Sunday, exhausted and sore, I was wondering why I put myself through this.
I am a fairly boring person. Generally speaking, I don't enjoy the things that middle class Americans, even those in my age group and familial status, enjoy. I don't enjoy going out. I rarely drink. I don't like loud music, except under the right circumstances in my car. I don't like bars or restaurant-like places that act as bars. I rarely stay up late, and if I do, it usually involves reruns of some TV show, a Dallas Cowboys football game or a U.S. World Cup qualifier. I don't even watch as much sports as I did 5-10 years ago, much less the absurd amount I watched 15-20 years ago. Yet, here I was (or there I was, I guess), staying up late, in a restaurant-like place acting like a bar, with loud music and people drinking a lot. For three nights.
I am also getting old. I'm not like old-old, but the body can't handle what the body once could. I am sure that 15 years ago 36 holes of golf, in 20-25 mile per hour winds on a 40 degree day would have been bearable and survivable. Now, it makes the body hurt. A lot. Two day of this really puts a crimp in my style, and numerous cramps in my body. Perhaps if I played golf more than 6-8 times per year (4 of which are during this particular weekend) my body could take more. Despite my recognition of this, just like the nighttime thing, I found myself engaging in 2 rounds per day, 40 degree temperatures, 20-25 mph winds.
This explains why I was exhausted and stiff and in pain on Sunday driving home. This explains why I accomplished very little after getting home on Sunday. This explains why after 3 days away from my family, it may as well have been 4, because I was present, but not really there on Sunday. That made me feel guilty, so we can add guilt to exhaustion and pain.
I knew all of this going in, of course. Well, the pain is a little more than I remember. I'll be honest, I like golf. I don't, however, think my enjoyment of golf justifies the lack of sleep, exhaustion, stiffness and pain. Its the people. The fact is, the 4 people I shared this weekend with have become some of my closest friends. The irony is, the link that connects me to them never joins us.
When we were in one of the 2 restaurant-like establishments acting like a bar, we met a couple celebrating their anniversary. At one point, we were asked if we were high school friends or college friends or what? Except for me, the answer is high school friends. I am a friend of a friend. Literally. One of my best friends from college went to high school with the others I share my golf weekend with. Through various activities over the past 20 years (really? 20?), I have become friends with a number of his high school friends. I am now better friends with his high school friends than with my own. And I see them more than I see him.
If you asked me to name my best friend, I'm not sure what I would say. It depends on the period of my life. Not to sound corny, but my best friend right now is probably my wife. Although I don't think of her like that. If you asked me to name my 4 best friends, I could do it, and each of my "at some point in my life you were my best friend" friends would still be in the top 4. This is true even though I haven't seen one of them in about 5 years and I have no idea when I will see any of them.
The group I play golf with doesn't make the top 4 (sorry.) The difference is, I know when I will see them again. At a minimum, I will see them in about 12 months. And about 12 months after that. And about 12 months after that. I look forward to seeing them every year, and I enjoy knowing that I will see them. Of the 5 people who attended this year, 3 have never missed in over 10 years. The 2 who have missed one year (including me), missed for the birth of their first son. The male heir. You have to be around for the birth of the heir to throne. So that one miss is justified. It would literally take a birth or a death or perhaps a plague to keep us away. This is an unbreakable tradition.
As I have become a little older, and a little more tied down by family commitments, the only thing that keeps me doing anything is the unbreakable tradition. If the golf weekend wasn't an unbreakable tradition I probably would have stopped several years ago. We have a few people who have. I am not complaining or judging, because I understand the reasons that make something stop. As I have learned from my various attempts to exercise regularly, if I never give myself an excuse to miss something, I never have an excuse to miss. Don't get me wrong, I love this weekend and I do not want to miss. But the occassional first baseball game, or rainy weekend, or tough week at work is always enough of an excuse to avoid a weekend that will result in exhaustion and pain. There is always an excuse, but I never let myself have it. One excuse turns into five and eventually you just never go again, unless there truly is no excuse.
I have seen a regular poker game and various exercise programs live by the "no excuse" rule and die when it was broken. I have seen a New Years Day brunch go by the wayside. I have seen Eldest's best friend once in the past 12 months, because her family and our family let everyday life stop the traditional times we saw each other. I will not watch that happen to my golf weekend and to the 5 people I expect to see at least every 12 months.
Traditions are important. They are important to culture, to custom and to families. They are important to friends and to rituals. They are important to life. Without traditions, we wouldn't always open presents at our house on Christmas morning or eat dinner at Red Robin on New Years Eve or go sightseeing on Presidents Day. But more importantly for me, traditions keep me from letting laziness, tiredness and basic inertia from getting in the way of doing things that I want to do, but can find a reason not to. I need to find more traditions so I can see those 4 people mentioned above a little more often. I need to build and keep traditions to make sure my family keeps doing little fun things together, especially as they get older and stop wanting to do little fun things with Mom and Dad. I need to keep subjecting myself to three things I don't like (late night, bar and pain) to keep doing one thing, and seeing 4 people, I love, late March every year.
Traditions are important. I'm not sure I knew how important until I was driving home, exhausted, stiff and sore this past Sunday, looking forward to next year.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Unbeaten...or Unbeatable?
That is the question asked in my house after not one, but TWO basketball seasons that ended without a loss. That's right, not one loss for either boy playing basketball this winter. I am not talking about some rinky-dink, local youth league, this is the Chantilly Youth Associati...OK, rinky-dink local youth league. Still, no losses, two teams.
The first undefeated season came for Eldest. The season started a little rough, with a low-scoring, close opener. A win is a win, though. An early season tie (I said undefeated season, not perfect season) raised some questions about how the season would go. Eventually, though, the Blue Ninja Dragons found their groove and started to play as a team. They had a few close calls as the season progressed. They also showed themselves to be closers, finishing more than one game with dominant fourth quarters to turn a close game into a blow-out or a potential loss into a close win. Each victory (and the one tie) raised the stakes for the season. As the number of games left in the season diminished, the "its all about fun and learning the game" thoughts diminished as well. The pressure was on, at least for the parents. Well, at least for me. The coaches remained as cool as the other side of the pillow (yes, I am stealing from Stu Scott for this).
In all seriousness, the coaches were awesome. I missed a couple games, either playing daddy to Youngest or taking Middle to his practices/games, but saw at least 9 of the 12 games. Of the games I saw, the best player on the court was on the other team for more than half the games. Of the 3 games I missed, the Wife told me the best player on the court was on the other team for at least one of them. The Blue Ninja Dragons were a team though. I give a lot of credit to two fathers who volunteered their time and demonstrated an amazing amount of patience, positive feedback and teaching ability in getting nine 3rd grade boys to play team basketball. The boys learned a ton and won every game by being the better team, even if they were not always the better collection of players.
The last practice was held on a Tuesday night before the final Saturday game. The assistant coach was going to miss the game (for a vacation in Mexico without his kids), but said it was going to kill him to miss that last game. The head coach remained as cool as ever, but admitted he really wanted them to finish their season without a loss. He knew this was a big deal, even if it was a rinky-dink local youth league.
In the first half of the final game, the Blue Ninja Dragons demonstrated their version of team basketball, as always. They were also making shots, which was a rare treat. The offense implemented by the coaches created a ton of chances for the boys, but their shooting percentage was less than desirable. However, in the final game, they came to play. Once again, though, the best player on the floor played for the other team. Early in the game, I was pleased to see that their offense consisted of one player dribbling around for a while, then going baseline before putting up a backwards, over the head, reverse lay-up. I am not kidding, he did this about 5-6 times. The problem is, in a 3rd grade basketball game, someone with his dribbling ability dominates. If this kid had any inclination to pass, or some sort of conscience about putting up ridiculous shots, the Blue Ninja Dragons would not have built up a solid first half lead.
The second half didn't go as well. The Blue Ninja Dragons started to miss a few more shots, and superstar from their opponents started dropping in some of his prayers. Eldest proved his meddle with his typical array of hustle plays, solidly set screens and the first, and only, three point play of the season for the team. I can remember many practices ending with Eldest asking to practice free throws. Free throws were a rare treat in 3rd grade basketball and Eldest had never had the chance to shoot one in a game. Regardless, there he was, week after week, practicing free throws. So, as the lead was slowly decreasing, he got a loose ball in the lane and put it up, the whistle blew and the ball dropped through the net. Count the basket! Foul on the shot. Eldest stepped up and the practice paid off. The free throw bounced softly off the front of the rim and rolled through. Three points!! (Yes, I am bragging about basketball, something I thought I would never be able to do.)
The fourth quarter began with a 4 point lead and the two best all around players on the Ninja Dragons sitting on the bench. WHAT???!!!! If it hasn't been made clear, I loved our coaches. But here we were, 7 minutes from an undefeated season and our two best all around players, including our unquestioned best on the ball defender, were sitting. This demonstrated two things. First, our coach is a genius. League rules stipulate that every player must sit at least one quarter of each game, unless you don't have enough players to do so. Superstar from the other team had played each of the first three quarters and our coach put our best defender out there each time to guard him. So even though our guy was sitting, so was their guy. (Side note - Coach told me after the game that the opposing team tried to put superstar on the court, but one of our parents called them on it. I also heard that parents from the other team spent the entire 4th quarter complaining that their superstar wasn't allowed to play. Gotta love youth sports.) The other thing this demonstrated was that our coach was not going to let a potential undefeated season change the way he coached the game. He gave everyone equal opportunity to play and coached the same way from the first practice to those excruciating last 7 minutes. I honestly am not sure I would have been able to do that (more on me as a coach in another post.)
Without our two best players, things got a little shaky. However, without their superstar, they couldn't really take advantage of the situation. The 4 point lead remained at about 4 points throughout the 7 minutes and the Ninja Dragons finished their undefeated season.
One week later, the CYA 1st Grade Blue Dragons (don't ask - I have no idea how they ended up with almost identical names) had a chance to complete the undefeated winter for the Earle family. 1st Grade basketball differs slightly from 3rd grade basketball in our rinky-dink local youth league. The Blue Dragons only played 3 games and the referees ability to "swallow their whistles" would embarrass a hockey referee in the 3rd OT of a Game 7. The score is also reset after each quarter. Presumably this is done so no one's feelings get hurt too much by getting blown out. It doesn't work because everyone, particularly the players and their older siblings, keeps track of the aggregate score. Through 2 games, the Blue Dragons were 1-0-1. The first game was a barn burner: 2-0 in the first quarter, 0-0 in the second, 0-2 in the third and 2-2 in the fourth for a 4-4 aggregate score.
The second game was a blow-out. We stopped keeping score by the third quarter because the Blue Dragons were winning by about 20-4 at that point. The first quarter was fairly close, 4-2, the second quarter was less close, 8-2. The third quarter was ugly. The fourth quarter was no better than the third.
The coaches of the Blue Dragons were every bit as commendable as the coaches of the Blue Ninja Dragons. Although, with a group of 1st grade boys all from the same school and all friends, the 1st Grade coaches' patience was tested a little more. They taught the boys basic skills and one play. The one play consisted of the dribbler taking the ball at the top of the key and yelling "One" to signal the one play. Or I could say to signal the "One" play. The remaining four players were in a box around the lane. When the play was called, the player on the right of the dribbler was supposed to set a pick to allow the dribbler to run around him and drive the lane. The play worked about 10% of the time. The biggest problem was the dribbler rarely waited for the pick. He would yell "One" and just start running to his right. My personal favorite was the player who wanted his teammate to set the pick before he called the play. The two players stood there in a pickle, one demanding that a pick be set and the other waiting for the play to be called. Eventually, the dribbler just drove the lane and hurled the ball toward the rim. If you have ever seen a 1st grade basketball game, you understand there is a lot of hurling going on.
For the last two games, the coaches implemented a baseline in-bounds pass play. It looked kind of like the "Picket Fence" of Hoosiers fame and actually worked. The only problem was it took forever to develop and most people thought the boys were just standing around in a line about 5 feet farther away from the baseline than any of them can throw a ball. We ended up with a bunch of parents trying to ruin the play by telling their sons to move closer to the baseline. This was a lot funnier in real life than reading about it.
This brings us to Game 3. The Earle family was 12-0-2 in 2012-13 basketball and looking to complete an undefeated winter. (One other family had boys on both teams and was looking at the same undefeated winter.) Middle woke with a fever that morning, but insisted on playing. We filled him up with Tylenol and water and let him play. The game started well and the Blue Dragons took a 4-0 lead after one. Sadly, their opponents reversed things after 2, and we had a 4-4 aggregate score. Middle was his typical self, excited, running around non-stop and usually not in the right place. But he loves basketball and always has fun. He is also the fastest player on the court and what he lacks in fundamentals, he more than makes up for in enthusiasm. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets back on defense faster than our son. He didn't score, but he made his mark on the game in other ways. (My boys, the hustle play guys.)
In the third quarter, the Blue Dragons took control again, with an 8-6 run, giving us a 12-10 aggregate lead. The fourth quarter was nerve-racking. At one point, the opponents took a 4 point lead. The Blue Dragons never gave up, though, and fought back to 4-6 with less than a minute to play. The opposition called time-out. I watched the assistant coach, who is the father of the other family going for an undefeated winter, talk to his team as if it was the most important time-out of his life. Let's be honest, it was. After the time-out, the Blue Ninjas ran the "One" play perfectly...and missed the shot. A well fought rebound gave them a second chance and they tied it up 6-6. With only about 20 seconds left and an aggregate 2 point lead, I finally felt comfortable that we would get our undefeated winter. The other team managed a miracle baseline jumper with 5 seconds left to win the quarter 6-8 and finish the game 18-18 aggregate. It was unfortunate that the game ended in a tie, but undefeated...or undefeatable, was accomplished. We celebrated appropriately, then had pizza.
I must admit, the drama of an undefeated winter got to me. I watched that final game with nerves racing through my body. OK, not exactly racing, but it was exciting trying to complete what will almost definitely be our only undefeated basketball winter ever. As a parent, I want my kids to have fun and learn the game. But I am a competitive jack-ass, and as the chances of something special grew, so did my competitiveness. I became a little more vocal and a little more engaged with each win for the Blue Ninja Dragons, and that final game for the Blue Dragons. As much as fun and experience is the goal, it is nice to win every once in a while. It's even nicer to never lose.
2012-13 will always be the season of undefeated, even if not undefeatable.
Things to look forward to:
More on competitiveness
Me as a Coach
My spring coaching soccer
Summer Swimming coming soon
Less than 11 months to Sochi 2014
The first undefeated season came for Eldest. The season started a little rough, with a low-scoring, close opener. A win is a win, though. An early season tie (I said undefeated season, not perfect season) raised some questions about how the season would go. Eventually, though, the Blue Ninja Dragons found their groove and started to play as a team. They had a few close calls as the season progressed. They also showed themselves to be closers, finishing more than one game with dominant fourth quarters to turn a close game into a blow-out or a potential loss into a close win. Each victory (and the one tie) raised the stakes for the season. As the number of games left in the season diminished, the "its all about fun and learning the game" thoughts diminished as well. The pressure was on, at least for the parents. Well, at least for me. The coaches remained as cool as the other side of the pillow (yes, I am stealing from Stu Scott for this).
In all seriousness, the coaches were awesome. I missed a couple games, either playing daddy to Youngest or taking Middle to his practices/games, but saw at least 9 of the 12 games. Of the games I saw, the best player on the court was on the other team for more than half the games. Of the 3 games I missed, the Wife told me the best player on the court was on the other team for at least one of them. The Blue Ninja Dragons were a team though. I give a lot of credit to two fathers who volunteered their time and demonstrated an amazing amount of patience, positive feedback and teaching ability in getting nine 3rd grade boys to play team basketball. The boys learned a ton and won every game by being the better team, even if they were not always the better collection of players.
The last practice was held on a Tuesday night before the final Saturday game. The assistant coach was going to miss the game (for a vacation in Mexico without his kids), but said it was going to kill him to miss that last game. The head coach remained as cool as ever, but admitted he really wanted them to finish their season without a loss. He knew this was a big deal, even if it was a rinky-dink local youth league.
In the first half of the final game, the Blue Ninja Dragons demonstrated their version of team basketball, as always. They were also making shots, which was a rare treat. The offense implemented by the coaches created a ton of chances for the boys, but their shooting percentage was less than desirable. However, in the final game, they came to play. Once again, though, the best player on the floor played for the other team. Early in the game, I was pleased to see that their offense consisted of one player dribbling around for a while, then going baseline before putting up a backwards, over the head, reverse lay-up. I am not kidding, he did this about 5-6 times. The problem is, in a 3rd grade basketball game, someone with his dribbling ability dominates. If this kid had any inclination to pass, or some sort of conscience about putting up ridiculous shots, the Blue Ninja Dragons would not have built up a solid first half lead.
The second half didn't go as well. The Blue Ninja Dragons started to miss a few more shots, and superstar from their opponents started dropping in some of his prayers. Eldest proved his meddle with his typical array of hustle plays, solidly set screens and the first, and only, three point play of the season for the team. I can remember many practices ending with Eldest asking to practice free throws. Free throws were a rare treat in 3rd grade basketball and Eldest had never had the chance to shoot one in a game. Regardless, there he was, week after week, practicing free throws. So, as the lead was slowly decreasing, he got a loose ball in the lane and put it up, the whistle blew and the ball dropped through the net. Count the basket! Foul on the shot. Eldest stepped up and the practice paid off. The free throw bounced softly off the front of the rim and rolled through. Three points!! (Yes, I am bragging about basketball, something I thought I would never be able to do.)
The fourth quarter began with a 4 point lead and the two best all around players on the Ninja Dragons sitting on the bench. WHAT???!!!! If it hasn't been made clear, I loved our coaches. But here we were, 7 minutes from an undefeated season and our two best all around players, including our unquestioned best on the ball defender, were sitting. This demonstrated two things. First, our coach is a genius. League rules stipulate that every player must sit at least one quarter of each game, unless you don't have enough players to do so. Superstar from the other team had played each of the first three quarters and our coach put our best defender out there each time to guard him. So even though our guy was sitting, so was their guy. (Side note - Coach told me after the game that the opposing team tried to put superstar on the court, but one of our parents called them on it. I also heard that parents from the other team spent the entire 4th quarter complaining that their superstar wasn't allowed to play. Gotta love youth sports.) The other thing this demonstrated was that our coach was not going to let a potential undefeated season change the way he coached the game. He gave everyone equal opportunity to play and coached the same way from the first practice to those excruciating last 7 minutes. I honestly am not sure I would have been able to do that (more on me as a coach in another post.)
Without our two best players, things got a little shaky. However, without their superstar, they couldn't really take advantage of the situation. The 4 point lead remained at about 4 points throughout the 7 minutes and the Ninja Dragons finished their undefeated season.
One week later, the CYA 1st Grade Blue Dragons (don't ask - I have no idea how they ended up with almost identical names) had a chance to complete the undefeated winter for the Earle family. 1st Grade basketball differs slightly from 3rd grade basketball in our rinky-dink local youth league. The Blue Dragons only played 3 games and the referees ability to "swallow their whistles" would embarrass a hockey referee in the 3rd OT of a Game 7. The score is also reset after each quarter. Presumably this is done so no one's feelings get hurt too much by getting blown out. It doesn't work because everyone, particularly the players and their older siblings, keeps track of the aggregate score. Through 2 games, the Blue Dragons were 1-0-1. The first game was a barn burner: 2-0 in the first quarter, 0-0 in the second, 0-2 in the third and 2-2 in the fourth for a 4-4 aggregate score.
The second game was a blow-out. We stopped keeping score by the third quarter because the Blue Dragons were winning by about 20-4 at that point. The first quarter was fairly close, 4-2, the second quarter was less close, 8-2. The third quarter was ugly. The fourth quarter was no better than the third.
The coaches of the Blue Dragons were every bit as commendable as the coaches of the Blue Ninja Dragons. Although, with a group of 1st grade boys all from the same school and all friends, the 1st Grade coaches' patience was tested a little more. They taught the boys basic skills and one play. The one play consisted of the dribbler taking the ball at the top of the key and yelling "One" to signal the one play. Or I could say to signal the "One" play. The remaining four players were in a box around the lane. When the play was called, the player on the right of the dribbler was supposed to set a pick to allow the dribbler to run around him and drive the lane. The play worked about 10% of the time. The biggest problem was the dribbler rarely waited for the pick. He would yell "One" and just start running to his right. My personal favorite was the player who wanted his teammate to set the pick before he called the play. The two players stood there in a pickle, one demanding that a pick be set and the other waiting for the play to be called. Eventually, the dribbler just drove the lane and hurled the ball toward the rim. If you have ever seen a 1st grade basketball game, you understand there is a lot of hurling going on.
For the last two games, the coaches implemented a baseline in-bounds pass play. It looked kind of like the "Picket Fence" of Hoosiers fame and actually worked. The only problem was it took forever to develop and most people thought the boys were just standing around in a line about 5 feet farther away from the baseline than any of them can throw a ball. We ended up with a bunch of parents trying to ruin the play by telling their sons to move closer to the baseline. This was a lot funnier in real life than reading about it.
This brings us to Game 3. The Earle family was 12-0-2 in 2012-13 basketball and looking to complete an undefeated winter. (One other family had boys on both teams and was looking at the same undefeated winter.) Middle woke with a fever that morning, but insisted on playing. We filled him up with Tylenol and water and let him play. The game started well and the Blue Dragons took a 4-0 lead after one. Sadly, their opponents reversed things after 2, and we had a 4-4 aggregate score. Middle was his typical self, excited, running around non-stop and usually not in the right place. But he loves basketball and always has fun. He is also the fastest player on the court and what he lacks in fundamentals, he more than makes up for in enthusiasm. Nobody, and I mean nobody, gets back on defense faster than our son. He didn't score, but he made his mark on the game in other ways. (My boys, the hustle play guys.)
In the third quarter, the Blue Dragons took control again, with an 8-6 run, giving us a 12-10 aggregate lead. The fourth quarter was nerve-racking. At one point, the opponents took a 4 point lead. The Blue Dragons never gave up, though, and fought back to 4-6 with less than a minute to play. The opposition called time-out. I watched the assistant coach, who is the father of the other family going for an undefeated winter, talk to his team as if it was the most important time-out of his life. Let's be honest, it was. After the time-out, the Blue Ninjas ran the "One" play perfectly...and missed the shot. A well fought rebound gave them a second chance and they tied it up 6-6. With only about 20 seconds left and an aggregate 2 point lead, I finally felt comfortable that we would get our undefeated winter. The other team managed a miracle baseline jumper with 5 seconds left to win the quarter 6-8 and finish the game 18-18 aggregate. It was unfortunate that the game ended in a tie, but undefeated...or undefeatable, was accomplished. We celebrated appropriately, then had pizza.
I must admit, the drama of an undefeated winter got to me. I watched that final game with nerves racing through my body. OK, not exactly racing, but it was exciting trying to complete what will almost definitely be our only undefeated basketball winter ever. As a parent, I want my kids to have fun and learn the game. But I am a competitive jack-ass, and as the chances of something special grew, so did my competitiveness. I became a little more vocal and a little more engaged with each win for the Blue Ninja Dragons, and that final game for the Blue Dragons. As much as fun and experience is the goal, it is nice to win every once in a while. It's even nicer to never lose.
2012-13 will always be the season of undefeated, even if not undefeatable.
Things to look forward to:
More on competitiveness
Me as a Coach
My spring coaching soccer
Summer Swimming coming soon
Less than 11 months to Sochi 2014
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